I'm stupid and fat, but Merry Christmas

I made the big mistake of not only stepping on a scale last night, but also actually looking at it. Now I'm completely grossed out with myself. Well, all I can do is get back on track with exercise and diet. I know part of the reason for the weight gain is that I haven't been able to exercise at my normal level because of the knee injury, but I've also been eating a lot of junk lately. Anyway, things are getting back to normal because I'm pretty much disgusted at this moment. On a happier note, this is my last day at work until after New Year's, so here's to wishing all of you the best of the holiday season.

Hate me if you want to

OK, it's completely crude and vulgar, but it's also hilarious. I mean, really hilarious. So, watch it now.

So you think you are cool

My sister thinks she is super cool and sneeky. In reality she isn't she posted something to my blog wondering how long it would take for me to find it. I find it immediately! I have ways of knowing what you are doing! I can shoot bullets with my mind! that called telekenisis! I'm everywhere yet no where! On another note taking the dog to get her butt milked again today so that will be fun. I'll be sure to bring some tupperware to put the juice in for my sister so she can examine it with her daughter's microscope or something.

Hiya! rock and roll a one time!

Christmas so far

I'm really behind in a lot of things. I've only just sent my sister's presents out and I got my cards in the mail yesterday. I used to be so organized. I'd have the cards addressed and ready to go by Dec. 1. Every year, I'm a little less prepared than the year before. What's that about. I'm still working on the paint job in my daughter's room that I started Thanksgiving weekend. I just cannot get my shit together very well. We tried to get a new water heater, but when the guy came yesterday to install the one we'd gotten from Lowe's, he found out it was too tall for the venting system and that, in fact, the way our venting pipe was angled downward poses a carbon monoxide poisoning hazard. We've had the current water heater for about five years, so I was mad that the people who installed that one never bothered to mention the venting problem. Jackasses obviously didn't care if my family never woke up. Anyway, our basement is pretty drafty and it has been five years and we haven't had a problem, but now we have to order a different heater and that meant cancelling the order from Lowe's because they didn't have what we needed or wanted. I originally ordered a fifty-gallon heater with a self-cleaning feature and Lowe's didn't have one that was short enough to put the vent pipe at a safer angle, but the guy tried to sell me a forty-gallon without a self-cleaning feature, which is basically what we have right now. I asked him why I would spend money on something that's not at all what I want. Anyway, that's just one little snipet of Christmas so far.

Good Stuff

I got this e-mail from my dad. It's supposedly written by Ben Stein. I don't know if it is or isn't, but I think it's worth reading, regardless.

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:

I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?

I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

What a tangled web we weave...

While my daughter and I were brushing our teeth this morning, she asked me, "Mom, you want to play with my DS today, right?"

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe, why?" (I've never played with my daughter's Nintendo DS until very recently because she received a game that has solitaire on it and I've been playing that.)

"Well, if I can't play with my DS, that's means you can't play with my DS, and you want to play with my DS, right?" she asked again.

"I don't know." I replied. I was a little confused about this line of conversation because I had no idea where it was going.

"Just remember," she said, "if dad asks if I wore my retainer last night, tell him I did."

What is he doing?

White Christmas

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Um, while I'm happy that Billy Idol is at least doing something, (and not sounding too bad, I might say) I'm not sure if this was such a brilliant idea. Billy Idol and Christmas standards just don't go together. It's like that Sesame Street clip: which thing is not like the others. The Christmas box would be the thing that doesn't belong because you'd have the Billy Idol box, the Stoly box, and the motorcycle box. Those are the three things that go together. I'm also not feeling the whole Frank Sinatra/ Harry Connick, Jr. vibe he's trying to cop. Listen to me Billy, there is nothing sadder to me than watching you trying to hide your sneer while you sing White Christmas. STOP IT, I say. Stop it, now!

Have a happy turkey day

Out of the mouths of babes.

When I picked up my daughter from school yesterday, she told me that they were cancelling school on Wednesday (which was originally scheduled as a half day) because 15% of the student body was absent that day and the administration figured it was best to just give the kids an early holiday since there would most likely be lots of students out for the rest of the week.

"Why were so many kids out?" I asked. On Friday, the school sent home a letter saying a child had been diagnosed with and was being treated for pinworms. The letter described the symptoms so we could all be aware if our own children seemed to be suffering from a similar problem, but I knew this could not explain for 15% of the kids being out.

"Well, now we have head lice," my daughter explained. "I have another letter today."

"Great," I responded.

My daughter went on to explain that a lot of kids also were sick from viruses. "So those are your three choices, Mom," she said. "Either your head itches, or your butt itches or you're throwing up. Isn't that wonderful?"

Have you milked your dogs anus lately

So. . .Have you ever seen your dog dragging its butt across your carpet? More likely then not this activity is not due to worms as many uninformed dog owners have always touted. It is actually due to the largely unknown Anal gland. The anal gland also known as the anal sack is located right below the dog's butthole generally at the 6 and 7 o'clock positions. The Anal sacks are an organ much like the appendix of a human. It truly doesn't serve much of a purpose. In ions gone by the secretion that comes from the anal sack was used a sort of calling card for the dog. When they took a crap the hard poop would push against the anal sack and makes the butt juice squirt out. Back when they were hunting deer etc. Dogs diets were primarily meat so that made them have really hard poops. Now that they eat dog chow their poops many times are a bit softer. So. . .when they take a crap the poop doesn't squish the glands as much and they can get full. If left for two long the sacks can cause discomfort for the dog. Hence the scooting etc. This is where the butt milking comes into play. In order to alleviate the discomfort to your dog along with preventing possible infection the dogs butt must be milked. Now we take our dog to the vet to have her butt milked. I do this because the idea of pinching my dogs butt hole between my thumb and index finger just doesn't seem that fun. Lets not forget to mention the outcome! From all reports I've received the smell of butt juice is like smelling a fart from ole Beelzebub himself. This is something I don't wish to encounter. In addition to that I don't think I'd want to be squirted with this stuff either. I'd probably spend the next 5 years or so gagging and dry heaving non stop if some of that stuff hit me. This being said there are many people that don't want to spend the 20 dollars or so it would take to have someone do this task for them. imagine trying to get your dog to sit still while you lifted its tail and began to squeeze just below its butt hole like a pimple. Granted, the relief afterwards is probably nice I'd imagine the dog would feel pretty violated by their buddy. I want my dog to have nothing but admiration and adoration for me. My sister on the other hand is fascinated with butt milking. I think if she got the chance she would opt to milk her own dog's butt. Not because she is cheap mind you but because she is very curious about butt juice. She wants to see it, smell it and maybe even rub it between her fingers to ascertain its viscosity. There are no pictures on the internet of this fluid but its described as clear to brown and liquidy to oily. So if this post facinates you. Go to the pound find yourself a dog adopt it, take it home, and get to butt milking.

Good times, Good times

Next week. farming wolverine musk.

Click here to see a demonstration on anus milking.

I'm back, for today anyway.

So my brother is on my case because I haven't posted in a really, really long time. But what can I say? I've been wicked busy lately. Take today for instance. As soon as I get off work, I have to rush home and pack while my husband takes our daughter to her guitar lesson because we will be heading to Frankenmuth (aka Little Bavaria), MI this weekend. No rest for the weary, as they say. Now let me try to recall the most exciting events of the last few weeks. Oh, I was crowned Queen of the Ice last Saturday when I was selected above tens and dozens of other hockey fans to ride the Zamboni during a period break. It was thrilling, to say the least. The adoring throng cheered me on and bowed before my magnificence. I have to say I felt like I was home. You know, it just felt right. Like I'd finally found my place in the world. It was regretably short lived. OK, I have to watch Ugly Betty right now, so I'll be back later.

Get lost, kid. Halloween doesn't live here anymore.

My husband tells me he is not giving out candy tonight, and I beleive him because I haven't bought any candy and neither has he. He swore after last Halloween that his candy-giving days were over because all the kids where "little shits." I feel kind of guilty about it because our daughter is going out collecting, so it only seems fair that we should give. This morning I asked him if there really were no good kids last year. He said about 25% were good, but the rest were obnoxious as hell. So, he'll go around with me and our daughter and just enjoy her enjoyment of Halloween. I just hope when we get back home our house isn't Tee-Peed. That would suck majorly. Here's my daughter in her Pricess Leia costume. She's rocking it old school.

Happy Halloween Eve

Halloween costumes gone horribly wrong

When I was a kid, most commercially available costumes were like this one: You got a plastic mask and some kind of polyester jumpsuit thing that tied up in the back. I remember the box lid always had a cellophane window so you could see what the mask looked like. I don't know when they stopped making these things, but I don't miss them. You couldn't keep the mask on for very long because you'd basically suffocate, either that or you'd end up drowning from your breath condensing on the inside of the mask. And the eyeholes never matched up with your eyes, so you always had to tilt your head in weird directions to see where you were going. Yeah, they pretty much sucked. Anyway for a look at more horrible costumes, click here.

Interesting Stuff

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

AND FINALLY

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!


And, yes, I tried licking my elbow and couldn't.

I've been a bad mommy.

My husband mentioned last night that I've been neglecting my blog and I told him I've been busy, which I have been. Christopher from "everything is not real" has quit his blog, too. I don't know what's happening, but my world is being plunged into chaos. I feel so alone and cold. Anyway, I've been busy making my daughter's Halloween costume. She broke down and decided she didn't want to in the cheaply made rag we ordered through the internet, so I'm now sewing a Princess Leia costume. It's almost done. I've also been helping plan my church's Pumpkin Ball and planning my daughter's birthday party and I don't know what else. I told you I've been busy. It's not like I have anything particularly interesting to talk about. Oh, I've been doing a colon cleanse, but even that hasn't been as exciting as I thought it would be. I don't think I've actually gotten rid of 37 years of poop or anything, which is kind of disappointing based on some of the pictures I've seen of what other colon cleaners have experienced. My husband says it's all a lie, anyway, that we have years of shit coating our intestines and that it's all made up by people trying to sell colonics. Mind you, I am taking vitamins and things, I am not having the super enemas. I still maintain that the anus is an exit and not an entrance for anything.

Podcast #18

It's BC2 and me back together again.


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What's going on here?

Why is everyone bailing? Daily Dancer is retiring. Dan of Dantallion's Can[n]on is retiring. Again I ask, what's going on here? Pretty soon everyone will retire their blogs and I'll be left alone to wander the blogosphere without hope. Sniff, sniff. In memory of two fine bloggers who have chosen to ride off into the sunset, I will remain silent today and not sing karaoke because the song has momentarily left my heart. Okay, really I forgot to make a new recording, but I'd be quiet today, regardless. Really. I'm not lying.

Howdy, howdy, howdy

Somehow, I'm not quite sure, I've become the co-leader for my daughter's Browine Troop. Today is the first meeting. I like to call myself the assistant because that implies I'm not really responsible for anything, but my daughter insists I am a co-leader. I'm gonna work it like an assistant, though. The troop needed another adult on-hand at meetings or it wouldn't be allowed to do anything, so being the sucker that I am, I volunteered. I'm going to need to take pain medication afterward, though. Some of those girls need to be on an IV ritalin feed 24/7 in my book. But I'm sure it will be wildly rewarding as serving others always is. Yeah, I'm not buying it either.

Better Karaoke

Um, yeeeeaaaah. All I'm going to say is when I sing this song to the radio, I sound awesome......to myself.


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By the way, my daughter's Amidala costume came in and it's as chintzy as I thought it would be. She was pretty disappointed and said she's never going the ready-made route again. I was a good mom and didn't say, "I told you so."

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow you're always a day away!

May I suggest the Hot Shot HS36 Cattle Prod! The rolls royce of cattle prods. Whats that you don't want to get out of bed? ZAP! You don't want raisin bran? ZAP its the effective yet humane way to motivate your family in a minimal amount of time! Recommended by two out of three Guantanemo bay guards!

testimonial "shewt if they don't do what I say I just shock the shizzle out of them with my Hot Shot! he he he "

Minor side effects include:

twitching of the head and eye lids.

small circular burns

mild bleeding from the ears.

uncontrolled night terrors.

Still late.

OK, I have seriously got to get a handle on this tardiness thing with getting my daughter to school. I'm just angry about it now. I mean, there's no logical reason why I cannot get us out of the house in time to get her to school before the bell rings. I am, to quote Whitney Houston, every woman. If you haven't already guessed, I got her to school late again today. It's really about the time management. Starting tomorrow, no more snooze buttons. Starting tomorrow, I am waking up that child at 6:00, even if it means I have to dump a bucket of ice water on her head. Starting tomorrow, I am not putting up with anymore dilly dallying from my daughter; she gets up, she eats, she brushes her teeth, she gets dressed, and then we get the hell out of Dodge. This lateness thing has been a chronic problem since she started kindergarten and I've basically reached the end of my rope. I've just got to be disciplined about this entire thing and get my ass in gear. Starting tomorrow, baby, it's a whole new ball game.

Missing you.

You may or may not have noticed that I haven't been posting too much lately. Part of it is because I'm busy and the other part is that the effort of going over what's been happening in my life lately is just more than I can deal with right now. Not because it's anything bad, but just because it takes time and I'm kind of short on that commodity lately. So a quick recap of my life over the past couple of weeks:

* We were in Tahoe a couple of weeks ago for my friend's wedding. She's one of my best friends from college. Anyway, she got married, I was a bride's maid and the scenery was beautiful.

* I went to the Notre Dame/ Michigan State football game last Saturday. It rained an awful lot and we left the stadium right before ND came back and won the game. I don't regret leaving early because being wet wasn't exactly pleasant. We didn't get back into town until 4:00 a.m.

* We're planning on putting our dog into doggy daycare because she really does need some doggy friends. She's like the unpopular girl at school right now and we've got to fix that.

* Third grade is harsh, man. Getting through all my daughter's homework and adjusting to the massive increase in work has been a little difficult.

* I'm apparently now an Arbonne consultant. I bought a membership so I could order my products online without a consultant and that apparently made me a consultant. I guess it's cool.

* I bought my daughter some generic Heelies or Wheelies or whatever the hell the name of those shoes with wheels in the heel are called. She still hasn't gone out to try and learn how to use them. No surprises there.

* My husband started taking guitar lessons at the beginning of the month and told me last night he's not going to do it anymore because he doesn't have time. I told him he has to finish out the month because we've already paid.

May the force be with you.

So, my daughter has decided she wants to be Padme Amidala for Halloween this year. To accomodate her wish, I just ordered this costume:



Usually, I make her costume, but she said she wanted this costume and had all sorts of reasoning why it was better to just order one this year instead of making one: "You don't have a lot of time anymore, Mom."

"This will help you out, a lot."

"You won't have to worry about getting my costume together."

I don't mind not making her costume, but most costumes are pretty chintzy and I don't have any reason to think it won't be the case with this one, but who am I to argue with a girl who wanted a costume because "the blaster is really cool."

Podcast #17

We are back on the air with a new set of victims.


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I suck.

I have managed to get my daughter to school late the last two days. I'm not feeling great about that. Granted, it's only been by like a minute or two, but they take tardiness very seriously at her school. Anyway, other than waking up a half hour earlier, I don't know how to keep this from happening. My daughter is a major putzer in the morning. It takes 15 minutes just to get her up out of bed. It doesn't matter how early she gets to bed the night before, it'll still take 15 minutes to wake up the next morning. Then she takes 20 minutes to eat breakfast because she keeps getting up and wandering around and doing God knows what else. Meanwhile, I'm ironing, or getting her breakfast or feeding the dog or any other number of morning things. Ultimately, I'm the one that's got to get us out the door on time and I'm just mad at myself.

We lost.

Go Big Blue!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled karaoke post to bring you two special, special songs to enjoy on the eve of the Nittany Lion's victorious battle against the Fighting Irish. Enjoy. Man, if you don't feel the excitement, you're dead.


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Good night, sweet Crocodile Hunter.

I am shocked that the Crocodile Hunter is dead. I couldn't believe it when my husband came downstairs yesterday morning and told me the news. I feel especially bad for his family. And the reason I even care is because Steve Irwin is one of my daughter's heroes. She loves him and has talked a lot about how she wants to go work at Australia Zoo one day and meet him. She's already decided she wants to work with animals when she grows up and she really loves them. So, we knew she was going to be really upset when we told her, and she was. She went to her Zoo Tycoon game so she could design a zoo for him. It seems so strange that he should die in such a freakish way. All reports seem to indicate the particular blow he took from the stingray is a one in a million kind of thing. Anyway, I'm sad he's dead and I think it stinks.

Karaoke this way

I've got a strange relationship with Steve Tyler. Well, I have a strange relationship with the idea of Steve Tyler. I find him repulsive yet strangely appealing. I think it's because he seems dirty to me. I don't know why I like dirty, but I do. At any rate, I've said it before and I'll say it again, only Steve Tyler should attempt to sing Aerosmith songs; however, I can't help myself because it's so much fun to sing Aerosmith songs, so here I am singing Angel.


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Clash of the Titans

I'm really excited because in about a week and a half I get to cheer on my beloved Nittany Lions when Penn State comes to Notre Dame. I haven't seen a Penn State game in YEARS. I really can't express how excited I am. Of course, I predict we will emerge victorious. Mountain lions eat leprechauns for lunch. It's a well-documented fact.

Release the hounds.

Through the use of a clever systems of ropes and pulleys, we were able to spring Mookie from the joint yesterday. Here she is with her new haircut.

My life is boring.

I've realized that while my days are jam-packed with things to do and accomplish, my life is boring. Take this past weekend, for instance. I was constantly on the go, but none of it was exciting or interesting. I had to take my daughter around to various parties and social events, shop for my parish picnic, set up and then work the parish picnic. I had something to do every second, but I can't point to any moment as being note-worthy. How mundane and average can a person get? Really. Oh, there is one thing that worth noting: We put our dog in the kennel Friday night because I wanted to get her groomed and then we figured we'd leave her there overnight because we had running around to do, and then we'd pick her up on Saturday. Anyway, I didn't bother to ask what time they close Saturday, just assuming we'd have plenty of time. We didn't have plenty of time and found out about an hour too late that they closed at 1:00. Anway, the dog is still trapped in the kennel and I won't be able to get her until after I pick up my daughter from school today. I felt pretty bad about that. I'm sure the kennel people are thinking we abandoned our dog.



Mookie calls us scum for abandoning her at the kennel. Either that or she's just mad at us for dressing her up in this ugly Hawaiian shirt. Hard call.

Warm as apple karaoke

I don't have anything to say about this week's karaoke post other than it's me singing Madonna's version of American Pie, so just eat it.


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Cold Medicine

Man, what is it about cold medicine? Damn, I am literally sitting here with my eyeballs rolling into the back of my head. I don't know how I'm even managing to type this right now. The funny thing is I'm actually typing better than I normally do even though I'm really, really wigging on the Dayquil. Do you think employers really prefer to have their people at work like this as opposed to them just staying home and resting? I really wonder about that because they all SAY they prefer it, but you know you always end up on the shit list if you call in sick. I don't personally, but I still don't call in sick unless I am really dead to the world. Mainly because even though I'm sick, that doesn't stop my daughter from having to be where she needs to be and if I have to get up and get her to school and stuff, there's not logical reason for me to stay home because I've already defeated the purpose by getting in the shower. My husband asked me this morning how I was feeling and I said crap and he said, but you fight colds better than I do and I said no, I just deal with it better and then he said he doesn't like it when I try to deny how he feels when he's sick and I said I don't deny how you feel when you're sick. And then he said, "Having you been running a fever?" And I said that I've felt warm but I just take medicine and get through the day and then he said he was taking medicine, too. Anyway, I don't know the point of telling you all of that other than to confirm what most women already suspect, which is that men tend to revert to a childlike state when sick. Conversely, I'm sure men resent the fact that we women don't have much patience with them when they are sick. Obviously, the world will now end.

Slug, slug, slug

That pretty much describes me over the last couple of days. I'm fighting some kind of sickness passed on to me from my dear, dear, dear husband. I'm on the Dayquil. You know from past posts how much I love the Dayquil. It just paints a nice little haze over the day. I thought I had some interesting stuff to say, but I can't remember any of it. I'm sitting and thinking and none of it is coming to me. Ummm, yeah, I don't remember anything. I think I'm going to get my husband to go watch Snakes on a Plane this Friday. Our daughter is going to go to this Parents Night Out thing at her karate school and I want to see SoaP. I love that acronym for some reason. Oh, here's something kind of funny. Actually, you probably won't think it's funny, I just think it's funny because it's my kid, but yesterday we're in the car and I asked her something that her teacher did that didn't make any sense like, "Why is she not letting you keep your colored pencils at school just because you've got more colors than she thinks you need?" And my daughter responded, "I don't know, Mom. Why does the sun rise in the morning?" Had to bite my tongue before asking, "Is that just your way of saying something doesn't make sense?" And she said it was. Then I asked her where she got that from and she said she just made it up, or maybe she got it off television. One of those two things, anyway.

Ghost hunt, the fourth

So we went on a ghost hunt this past Saturday to a couple of cemetaries. They were working on getting us into this old opera house that supposedly has activity, but that didn't pan out; although, they're still working on it for a later hunt. That would be cool. This being my second cemetary hunt, I don't think I'll be making a habit of going on too many of them, mainly because they're not very exciting. We did do some EVP recordings in the first cemetary, but they've got to listen to them on the computer before we know if we got anything or not. If you think you won't feel stupid talking to the air, asking questions like: "When did you die?" "Did you have any children?" "Where's the money?", then you're wrong. Because you do feel stupid. I asked the spirits if they thought we were attractive, so we'll see what they think. Here is a picture of something unusual I got at the second cemetary. I don't know what it is. Here's the first picture:



And here is a close-up of the object in question:

OK, Blogger's not letting me upload the second picture, so you're going to have to wait awhile.

OK, here it is, finally.

Just because it's so friggin' funny

An unforgettable round of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Air Karaoke

What ever happened to Air Supply? They were everywhere in the early '80s and then, poof, they were gone. It was weird. There was no gradual decline, they were just gone. They were such a weird looking duo, the tall, skinny guy with a hooked nose and the small, stumpy guy with the bad perm. A real testament to juxtaposition. OMG! OK, I just got this picture off their website. This is what they look like now.



Wow, it's amazing what nearly thirty years can do to a bloke. Anyway, today I am singing All Out of Love just for you.


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First day of school

So my daughter is back to the daily grind and I'm back to getting up at 5:30 in the a.m. Yeah, that kind of sucks, but I do what a mom's gotta do. It figures that the first day back I'm ready to start killing people by the time I pull up to my daughter's school. First, we end up hitting every red light on the drive, then when I turn onto a street by the school, one of the lanes is closed so that slows things down and then when I pull into the cue, some yoho up front is taking ten years to get their kids out of the car, so I very enthusiastically tell my daughter, "Get out of the car here because this person is taking forever." Anyway, I park the car so I can take in the bag of school supplies that won't fit in her backpack. I don't know about you, but does it seem like kids need a shit-load of school supplies nowadays? I remember we had to get some notebooks, some pencils and pens, some crayons and safety scissors, and that was about it. I had to buy hand soap, three rolls of paper towels, boxes of kleenex, several varieties of pens and highlighters, ziploc bags, drawing pads, glue sticks, book covers, pencil bags, gym shoes, and more for her this year. It's crazy. I don't know how families with more than one kid can afford it.

I Can RUN!

Went to see the orthopedic surgeon who did my knee. He says the knee is looking good, but I told him I still have pain. He asked me if I've been jogging yet and I said, "You haven't given me permission to run yet, but I did go running with my friend a couple of weeks ago." He asked me how it went and I told him I didn't try to push myself or anything, so it was OK. He told me to start jogging every other day for 10-15 minutes and just keep increasing as I feel I can. So cool. I told him I asked my daughter to watch me while I ran to see if I was doing it and then I told him that she said, "Mom, no, really you're just walking, but you're moving your arms like you're running." I was running.

Over the weekend, my daughter and I went peach-picking at a local orchard, and it was a pretty good time. My friend picked 55 pounds of peaches. I don't know what she's going to do with 55 pounds of peaches. Make a lot of cobbler, I suppose.

Lion and the Karaoke

What can we say about Sinead O'Connor? She's definitely traveled a different path from the rest of us. I loved her first album, and then started liking her less and less with each subsequent album. Now, anytime you hear anything about her, it's tinged with craziness. Poor Sinead. I guess she could never quite escape her wretched childhood. Anyway, enough sadness for Sinead, here I am singing Nothing Compares 2 U.


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The horror, the horror.

I just enrolled my daughter for the upcoming school year and, horror of horrors, they put her and her best friend in different classes. I don't think these people understand the true darkness they've unleased upon themselves by doing this. The two kids have been together since kindgergarten. When my daughter found out, she simply said, "I knew this day would come." And there was enough foreboding in her voice to send a chill down my spine. No lie.

Just because it's funny

A friend of mine e-mailed me this picture under the heading: Why Kids Should Not be Left Alone. I think that pretty much says it all.

Magical Karaoke

When I was a kid and my parents got our first VCR, they also bought a copy of Xanadu for us to watch. To say my sister and I loved watching Xanadu is a major understatement. We'd come home and watch that movie every day after school. This went on for a very, very, very long time. We loved the music so much, we tape recorded the songs from the television so we could listen to the soundtrack whenever we wanted. I drew endless pictures of the Muses from the movie because I loved their outfits. How could you not want to wear an outfit like this?



Yeah, pretty damn hard to resist. Anyway, here I am singing Olivia Newton-John's Magic from Xanadu.


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Not in the mood

I was going to talk about what the medium told me, but I'm not in the mood because I've talked about it too much over the last couple of days answering people's questions about it. I can only think about one thing for so long before I get completely bored with it, so maybe next week I'll delve into the secrets of my reading. My ghost hunting friend Lisa went to Waverly Hills Tuberculosis Sanatorium over the weekend. It's in Kentucky and has gotten a lot of attention lately as a really haunted location. She said she thinks she saw a shadow person and maybe heard something, but isn't absolutely sure on that one. She took gobs of pictures, but only got orbs. There was one series of three shots, though, where it looks like the orb is moving away from her, so that was pretty cool.

My ghost hunting group went to an abandoned insane assylum the first Saturday of my vacation, and that was an interesting experience. I chickened out and only got about three rooms deep into the building before I went back out to my car. Something in me just made it impossible for me to go any further. Although, considering I was carrying a bottle of holy water and wearing a scapular around my neck, you'd think I would have been braver. This is what I find interesting, a couple of members of the group are cradle Catholics who are now Wiccan. Once I pulled out my holy water, they were in line with everyone else getting some so they could bless themselves before going into the building. I think this just goes to show that when it comes to battling spirits, Catholics are pretty much the champions.

Here are some pictures I took. I have to say the place was pretty damn spooky.

OK, I just tried uploading the pictures and there's something wrong with Blogger, so you all are just going to have to wait.

OK, picture uploading is working again, so here they are.

I'm back, I'm back.

Just got back from vacation. Coming back to work is a bummer, of course. I was in a small town in Pennsylvania the last few days, attending a bridal shower for my friend's niece. My friend's husband couldn't make the trip and she didn't want to make the drive alone, so she invited me. It was pretty relaxing and her family was very warm and welcoming. I could not live in a town that small, though. It only has about 3500 residents and the nearest Target is almost two hours away. That's about as close to Hell as I can imagine getting without actually being in Hell. On Monday, we went to this little village named Lily Dale. Here's a little information from Budget Travel Online, just so you can get the jist of this place:

At a strange little village an hour south of Buffalo, talking to the dead is a way of life. Founded by the Laona Free Thinkers Association in 1879, when spiritualism was an obsession of America's elite, Lily Dale attracted legends such as Susan B. Anthony, Mae West, and Harry Houdini. Today, "the Dale," pop. 500, unlocks its picket fences each summer to admit soul-searchers. (This year: June 25 to September 5; visitors pay $7 for every 24 hours they visit; 716/595-8721, http://www.lilydaleassembly.com/.)

More than 30 residents of this tree-shaded town are clairvoyants who purport to help people connect with departed family, friends, and spirit guides. On their gingerbread-trimmed homes, look for signs soliciting private sessions ($50 to $75 for 30 to 60 minutes).

Take the gravel path at the edge of the village into the Leolyn Woods, past the tilted, moss-covered gravestones of the pet cemetery, and into the towering old-growth forest where "message services" have been held since 1898.

At 1 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. each day, mediums "serve spirit" to believers sitting expectantly on benches. Also try the free 4 p.m. service at the tiny Forest Temple nearby. The pamphlet at the Healing Temple on East Street admonishes, "Spiritual healing is not a substitute for medical treatment." But daily at 10:30 a.m. and 7 p.m., men and women in white stroke the invisible energy fields of ailing visitors.

Anyway, we went there for the afternoon and had some readings done, which I'll talk about tomorrow because I've got too much catching up to do right now, so until then.

Hotel Karaoke

What is it about college, drinking and The Eagles? They all just come together in a perfect sort of harmony that can't be duplicated under any other circumstances. I can't count the number of nights we all laid around drunk singing Eagles songs at the top of our lungs. I don't know if it's that we thought the songs were more profound that way or what. Good times. Good times. Here I am singing Hotel California for your listening pleasure this week. I'll be on vacation next week, so posts will be rare or nonexistant.


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Ashlee Simpson has a gross tongue.

Look at that thing. It's absolutely vile. I don't know if she's trying to channel Gene Simmons or something, but girlfriend needs to keep that nasty, white thing in her mouth.

What the...?

I don't really know what this entire thing is about, but I've just stumbled on this story. It's probably old news, but I find it really compelling in terms of the freedom of speech issue and personal responsibility. The upshot is that this woman named Deborah Frisch posted comments on a conservative blog run by a man named Jeff Goldstein. I don't know anything about what led her to post the comments, but she apparently left comments that were threatening and insulting to Goldstein's toddler son and wife. As a result, Frisch resigned her post as an adjunct instructor at the University of Arizona. Here are links to sites that delve into the story a little more:

On campus, beware the blog (Yahoo)

The Great Blogosphere Brawl (Fox News)


Protein Wisdom (Jeff Goldstein's blog)

South(west)paw (Deborah Frisch's blog)

Arizona Lecturer Quits After JonBenet Comments (Denver ABC News)

Crossing a Line (Inside Higher Ed)

I only know what I've been reading at these different links, but freedom of speech does come with an obligation to use it responsibly...just like drinking beer. Don't abuse it people. Oh, and another rule of thumb, don't threaten people's children. It pisses them off.

D'oh, my balls.

Yesterday our dog went racing across my daughter as she reclined on the sofa watching television. The dog managed to plant a paw in a sensitive part of my daughter's body, to which she reared up in pain and yelled, "Oh, my balls!" I looked at my daughter and said, "You don't have balls, honey." She looked at me and said, "I thought balls was another word for private parts." I explained that, no, only boys have balls and, even then, it's sometimes questionable.

"So, balls is another word for weiner?" she asked.

"Well, no," I answered. "Balls is another word for testicles, which is the part of the boy where the sperm comes from. Remember when I explained that to you?" I reminded her that they were in the scrotum and hung down behind the weiner and looked like balls, hence the name.

She nodded in affirmation. "Oh, yeah," she said.

"Do you want me to show you a picture in the book so you understand better?"

"Uh, no," she said while shaking her head pretty vigourously. "I don't want to see it."

Yeah, sweetie, none of us really want to see.

My dog is weird.

As you may or may not know, we've been litter box training our dog with various levels of success. Sometimes it seems like she's got it, and then other times it doesn't. We thought for sure she had the peeing part of it down, and then she'd go off and pee somewhere she shouldn't. The pooping has always been hit or miss, that is, until lately. And now I think our dog has gotten the idea that pooping and peeing in the box is a trick that she does. We've been encouraging her with treats everytime she goes in the box and now that dog will not leave the kitchen until someone comes and gives her a treat after she does her business. She'll actually bark to call someone in to see what she's done. Believe me, I prefer that to her going somewhere else in the house, but it's pretty amusing. She also forces out droplets of pee to get a treat. It's pretty funny in a really pathetic sort of way. And it all makes me wonder, who is really being trained here.



And here's a picture of my daughter and one of her cousins doing what all proper Korean children learn to do one day, clean lettuce.



Hard to believe the same blood runs through their veins, isn't it?

Sister Karaoke

When I was in about, oh, eighth grade or so, this song was pretty popular. I won't deny, I liked it just as much as anybody else, but I'll be damned if I really ever understood what it was about. Was it about a girl losing her virginity? Was it about a girl getting caught up too quickly in an adult world? Or was it simply about a girl and her love of "motoring"? I DON"T KNOW!!! Anyway, let's take it back to the 80's with Night Ranger's Sister Christian.


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Best term in the world.

OK, so I'm talking to a couple of my friends about making a visit to a local porn shop and how I plan on making a scene so they'll kick me out for scaring the other customers and one of my friends asked, "Wonder what you've got to do to get kicked out of a fuckerware store?" Ha! Fuckerware. That's the best term in the world.

Is that you. . .cough cough I can't see. . . I'm soo cold sooo col. . . d. . . .

Ok so my dear sister needs a bit of a lightning bolt to spice things up in her blog as of late. She has had little to inspire her to blogging greatness. (enter stage right) So I Juan Carlos De La Vega am here! (if you didn't know thats the mild mannered identity of Zorro) I'm a bit punch drunk today because I was up till 2 am in the morning working last night and been working since 7 am this morning. I have a lot of caffeine in me so I have all sorts of crazy stuff floating in my ADD enhanced brain! The first thing that comes to my mind is That Star J0nes is Ugly. I think she is disgusting. I want to learn kung fu just in the chance that I ever meet her I can bust a double round house hiya on her for offending my eyes! Second what do you think if we made special military subs that could drill under countries like china and North Korea and plant nuclear bombs so we wouldn't have to worry about missles or any of that crap. we'd just press a button and just blow the ass out of any countries that got in our way. . .that would be wicked. I'm hungry I want a chocolate croisant. well thats all I have for now I have to go walk my awesome puppy. Well, actually I have some time so I'll continue to write stuff here. My new company is awesome. They stock the fridge with free diet dr. pepper and Coke Zero my two favorite sodas. In addition we get free bagels on Fridays. screw the stock options and all the other stuff they gave me! This is the real reason I came to work here! That and huge collection of audio books the company lets us check out for free. My wife's best friend "other then me!" is coming into town tomorrow evening and they are going to run around and have "girl" time this weekend. Some might think this reason for me to feel left out that its a girls club thing. In actuality I really like this scenerio. Because this will free me up to be a drunken idiot with my friends. Now that is a good idea! Do any of you take hygene vacations? where you don't shower all weekend? just because you can? I like to do that on occasion. My wife doesn't appreciate it much but I think it can be fun.
ok my wrist hurts so I'm quiting now.

This woman should be ashamed to call herself a television journalist

This links to a video segment of a local interview done with comedian D.L. Hughley, who is apparently performing at a comedy club in town. The woman interviewing him is AWFUL. And by awful, I mean really, really sucks at it. She's got no sense of humor and has no charm. I'm offended by her lack of interviewing skills.



click here

Woman killed in Boston tunnel

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) -- Falling concrete slabs crushed a car inside one of the city's troubled Big Dig tunnels, killing a woman and tying up traffic Tuesday with another shutdown in the massive building project that has become a central route through the city.

The car's driver crawled out through a window but his passenger was killed when at least four of the 3-ton panels hit the vehicle, authorities said.

Inside the Interstate 90 connector tunnel, which runs beneath an industrial area of South Boston, the giant concrete slabs could be seen lying against the tunnel wall and across the roadway. It connects to the Ted Williams Tunnel, which goes under Boston Harbor to Logan airport.

Massachusetts Turnpike Authority Chairman Matthew Amorello said he didn't believe safety was compromised elsewhere in the tunnel system, but the damaged section was closed indefinitely for repairs and inspections.

The ceiling panels fell because a steel tieback, holding a 40-foot section of the ceiling in place, gave way, Amorello said.

"There was a snapping sound heard," Amorello said. "One of the tile panels from the roof released. It caused a series of panels to be released."

The ceiling panels were erected there in 1999 and the tiebacks were bolted to the tunnel roof overhead. Other parts of the system were the tiebacks are believed to have been used were being inspected.

Boston Mayor Tom Menino demanded quick answers.

"We don't need a six-month study. We need an immediate reaction and action by the different authorities so that we can reassure the public as they drive into the city or drive over to the airport that the tunnel is safe to go through," he said.

Amorello said the contractor was Modern Continental. Messages left Tuesday with the company seeking comment were not immediately returned.

"Any responsible party will be held accountable for what happened," Amorello said. "This is an unacceptable, horrible tragedy."

Gov. Mitt Romney cut short a vacation in New Hampshire and returned to Massachusetts on Tuesday to meet with his cabinet.

The $14 billion Big Dig highway project, which buried Interstate 93 beneath downtown and extended the Massachusetts Turnpike to Logan Airport, has been criticized for construction problems and cost overruns. There have been water leaks and at least one incident when dirt and debris from an air shaft fell onto cars.

In May, prosecutors charged six current and former employees of a concrete supplier with fraud for allegedly concealing that some concrete delivered to the Big Dig was not freshly mixed.

Amorello said preliminary investigation shows that the quality of the concrete was not to blame for the fatal accident Monday night. The ceiling collapse happened about 200 feet from the end of the connector tunnel, near the entrance to the Ted Williams Tunnel, which goes under Boston Harbor to the airport.

Christy Mihos, an independent candidate for governor and former member of the Turnpike Authority Board and agency critic, called the accident "my worst nightmare come true."

Mihos urged the governor to seize control of the Turnpike's day-to-day operations.

The shutdown Tuesday morning backed up traffic for miles as commuters tried to navigate the detours. Officials urged drivers, particularly those headed to Logan airport, to use public transit instead.

The victims were identified by State Police Tuesday as Milena Delvalle, 38, and Angel Delvalle, 46. Delvalle was treated for minor injuries.

"The driver's side stayed more intact than the passenger's side," State Police Maj. Michael Mucci said. "He was able to crawl out the window. There was only about 6 to 12 inches. But he was able to get through."

Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

This is the kind of thing that scares the crap out of me because it could happen anytime to anyone. I'm always a little freaked out when I go through tunnels because I'm always a little scared that the entire thing is going to come crashing down on my head. I know this is the sort of thing one should worry about as often as one should worry about being struck by lightning, but obviously, it happens. I like how the story explains that the tunnel is closed indefinitely, which it should be. But I've got to wonder about the person who would still want to drive through this thing, regardless. Because that's why they make the announcement about the closure, to inform the people who wouldn't realize that the tunnel collapsing automatically means no one can continue to use it. Shit, even if they said I could drive through it, I'd be like, "No thanks. I'll take the long way around this time."

I'm a dork.

So says my daughter when I am wearing my cool hexagon sunglasses from my college days. The sunglasses sorta, kinda look like this pair in a really vague way. Basically, the front of the frames are similar in shape to the pair here, but there aren't any extra lenses that fold in the way that these do. The lenses are also pretty dark. At any rate, I couldn't find my regular sunglasses, so I put these on. When I picked up my daughter from day camp, she said, "Mom, those glasses are sooo dorky. They are so not in style."

"You really don't think so?" I asked.

"No," she answered.

She went on to say that if I can't find my regular glasses, then I should just go buy a new pair instead of wearing my dorky old pair. I thought they were still cool. But, if she says I should go buy myself a new pair, who's going to argue? Not me. I like buying sunglasses. Although, I wonder if I should be taking style advice from an 8-year-old who thinks high fashion is the Pokemon t-shirt I made with an iron-on transfer. I don't know. This is a tough one.

Living on a karaoke

I always think of high school when I hear a Bon Jovi song. Especially when I hear anything from the Slippery When Wet album, which came out in the days when albums could be purchased on disks of black vinyl. In particular, the song I am singing today reminds me of this time I went to a church retreat with my youth group and they had a dance at the end and my friends and I danced and screamed ourselves hoarse to it, talking trash about how we were going to join a rock group in college. Anyway, I just want to say I didn't think Jon Bon Jovi was much to look at back in the day, but I do think he's aged well. Very well, indeed. So here I am singing Living on a Prayer.


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Grandma's Boy

I watched Grandma's Boy last night and I can honestly say it was a stupid movie. I don't mind stupid movies, but if they don't make me laugh, then I can't give up the love. I didn't laugh too much at it. Although, I have to say I thought Shirley Jones was brilliant as an over-sexed septuagenarian. I always knew Mrs. Partridge was a little freaky. It's unexpected to hear Mrs. Partridge talk about hand-jobs, and that's good. Unexpected is good. Other than that, it was just a dumb movie. Probably because I'm not big on drug humor. I don't understand what about being high is funny. I actually thought the funniest parts of the movie had nothing to do with the drugs. For instance, I thought the character of JP was funny because he was such a tool. The screwball druggie is just too played out for me. So I'm going to have to say I do not recommend you watch Grandma's Boy. It just didn't do it for me.

I hate everyone.

Well, not everyone. But I do hate the people who blew off fireworks all freaking night long. Is it really necessary to light fireworks past midnight? I don't think so. Needless to say, I'm a little tired and a whole lot grouchy today. At any rate, we had a pretty busy weekend. My parents brought back my daughter from DC, so she's home again and things should be back to normal. People asked if we missed her and I have to say I didn't because having the dog to take care of is almost like taking care of a kid, so nothing seemed that different because of it. We ran to Chicago for a night to check up on my uncle who had a kidney transplant about a week ago. It's actually his second one. The last kidney he had basically wore out. He had it about ten years before it gave out, and had been on dialysis for several years before this kidney came available. He had to be readmitted becuase he wasn't draning fluid and his ankles and face were super swollen. Hopefully, they'll be able to get him squared away now that he's back in the hospital.

Podcast #16

A very special guest and I talk about some pretty racy things, primarily sex toys. For mature audiences only.


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Mysterious karaoke

Short and sweet explanation today: I'm singing Men at Work's Who Can it be Now? Have a good Fourth of July.


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Murphy's Morning.

It has not been a good morning. I woke up because I heard the dog barking downstairs, which could only mean that she had been left alone. Dog alone in the morning is a dangerous thing because that's when she gets a whole lot of pooping done. The basic rule is: Don't leave the dog alone in the morning. Anyway, I heard her barking so I raced downstairs to make sure she hadn't had time to get into any trouble. Foolish me, I should know by now that a millisecond is enough time for the dog to get into trouble. To her credit, she had pooped in the litter box. She pooped in the litter box before she stepped in it and then walked around the kitchen. Oh, did I mention the part where she ate it? Anyway, so I clean her feet and the floor and my husband comes out of the bathroom and sees me cleaning up and I told him that next time he needs to come get me if he's not going to be in the room with her until she's done with her morning constitutional. So while I'm cleaning the mess, my husband goes to make coffee and somehow manages to spill the coffee everywhere when he's taking the container from down off the refrigerator. When I say it was everywhere, it was pretty much everywhere: caught in between refrigerator magnets and on top of the handles and all over my husband. Of course, it was all over the floor, as well. So I had to go lug out the shop vac to clean up that mess. My husband tried to do it for me but I told him to leave me alone and let me clean up the mess or I was going to get pissed off that he was arguing with me about cleaning up the floor. I told him I'm better at cleaning up, which I am, so just let me do it. However, that unfortunate business doesn't compare at all to what happened later. My husband called me to tell me that his boss will not let him have the first week of April off next year because he already has that week scheduled and has made reservations and bought his tickets to wherever in the hell he is going. Why is this such bad news? It's bad news because we were planning on taking our daughter to Disney World during her Spring Break next year. For some reason, my husband's boss thinks my husband andhe can't be gone for vacation at the same time. It's not really the case. Nothing will happen if they're both gone at the same time, but now we're going to have to figure out a different time for the trip. Doesn't matter that we've already told other family members to look at planning the trip for that week. We'll just have to accomodate. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal since we're not out any money or anything, but it sucks that we haven't been able to plan a vacation when it's convenient for us because my husband's boss always seems to want to take the same days off. That's pissing me off.

Things are pretty slow.

I find with the child gone, I don't seem to have much to talk about. Hmmm, I wonder why. Actually, she comes home this weekend, so we're pretty excited about that. I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but we had our dog spayed last week. It's been a chore since she's been back because she seems to have forgotten all her potty training. Why does having a dog seem like the most difficult thing in the world to me? Millions of people have dogs and don't seem overly traumatized by it. Am I just weird? But I seriously feel like I have not had one moment of relaxation since we got the dog because she has to constantly be watched. It feels like I can never just relax and unwind because I feel like I have to follow the dog around to make sure she doesn't have an accident, which invariably happens whether I'm watching her or not. She's a cute dog and all but I still haven't decided whether or not this aggravation has been worth it. I also hate how all the books about potty training seem to assume someone can stay home all day to teach the dog. How about a book that tells you how to potty train when you've got to be gone during the day and can't get home at lunch or something to let the dog out? That's the book I want.

Ghost picnic.

I don't really have anything to talk about today, so I'll just show you some pictures from the weekend. The Ghost Trackers had a picnic that I went to with my husband. I made calbi, which is Korean short ribs. Everyone seemed to enjoy them. I finally got to roast my marshmallows, so it was a good day all the way around.



This is a picture of my friend Lisa and me. She's the one who got me involved with the group. So everything is her fault.



Here's a picture of my husband. I don't think he really wanted to come, but I made him. He thinks ghost trackers are crazy.



Here's Mookie making a non-ghostly friend.

Canuck Karaoke

I think I've sung Sarah McLachlan before, and I'm singing her again. Did you know that Sarah McLachlan makes jewelry as a hobby? I've never seen any of it myself, but that's a little trivia for you. A little something extra to go with the karaoke. I know you appreciate those little special touches. So here I am singing Adia.


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I itch.

I've got some kind of weird rash on my chin and neck. It itches like hell and I can't figure out what's causing it. It's starting to spread up on my face. I have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to see if she can give me anything for it. I assume I'm having some kind of allergic reaction to something, but I just don't know what. Did you know that itching is a type of pain? It is. I've taken Benadryl and put on Benadryl cream and it still itches. I've been scratching it, too. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it. I don't think it's the fungus I had before because I used some anti-fungal cream on it and it didn't seem to help. Plus it doesn't look like ringworm or anything. I'm sure you all appreciate me talking about my skin afflictions. Mookie is back home. We had her spayed and I was able to pick her up yesterday. She's a lot more active than I anticipated. I thought she'd sick around all subdued for a couple of days, but she's jumping and running around as usual. I'm worried about it, though, because I don't want her to rip out her stiches, but how do you make a dog stop running and jumping. If I try to just hold her she squirms, which I think might do more damage than the jumping. Anyway, that's what's going on with me.

So that's what I've been missing, hmmm?

With the child gone for two weeks, my husband and I have had the opportunity to watch something on television other than Nickelodeon, Disney Channel or Cartoon Network. So last night we watched Last Comic Standing on Bravo and then NBC. There were some pretty good comics on the show, but I do not understand why that Stella got to go on the boat. She is not funny at all. I was surprised the girl with the lisp didn't get selected because she was hilarious to me. At any rate, it was really weird sitting there and watching television for the entire evening because I really can't remember the last time I've done that on a week night. I usually have to wait until everyone is asleep and then I can watch a movie I want to watch or something, but I'm usually half falling asleep. We only have one television in our house, you see. I don't want my daughter to have a TV in her room because of all the statistics that show children who have their own televisions tend to be more anti-social then those who don't. So if it means I have to watch kids' shows most of the time, so be it. Another show we watched a little was this Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency. First off, bitch is crazy. We only watched for about fifteen minutes but it was the most boring fifteen minutes of my life. There was absolutely nothing interesting about her life. I predict that this show will fail. She just yells at everyone. Her son is constantly trying to get her to calm down, which I just find sad that the son is more mature than the mother.

I am TIRED.

I'm back from my super-quick trip to DC. Drove to Northern Virigina Friday and drove back yesterday. I want to sleep now. It was a whirlwind because we had to go to a barbeque on Saturday and then we spent all of Sunday in Baltimore at my aunt's anniversary party. My daughter is staying in DC with my parents for two weeks, so I drove back all by myself and I sang for eleven hours straight to keep myself awake. It wasn't too bad, though. I got home about 5:30, so I had the evening to relax. The vet just called and Mookie is doing fine after her surgery. She's getting spayed. The tech said Mookie had the smallest uterus she's ever seen, which isn't surprising since Mookie isn't even five pounds. But, she'll stay the night and then I'll pick her up tomorrow. I wanted to stop by the vet to see her today, but everyone thinks it will be too upsetting to her if she sees me and then doesn't go home with me, so I'll be patient and wait. Seriously, I am struggling to keep my eyes open right now. I am beat.

Let's make beautiful karaoke.

We've got Karaoke Friday coming at you a day early because I will be on the road to DC tomorrow, and you know I couldn't leave you hanging dry just because I won't be here. It's too cruel to contemplate. Let me start by saying I am not a Christina Aguilera fan. She wears too much make-up, dresses way too scantily for anyone pretending to be respectable and is too dumb to realize she can't legitimately be referred to as a diva for at least another twenty years or so. That being said, I do really like the song I am singing for you today. I think it's a good message for anyone to carry around. So here I am singing Beautiful. Enjoy and have a great weekend.


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I am in a battle of wills with a 19-year-old.

Why? I don't know, other than the fact that some 19-year-old punk ain't coming out on top in a match up against me. I was a little late getting out of the house this morning so I didn't get to the karate school until 8:36. I should mention that when I dropped off my daughter yesterday, the karate instructor wasn't there. I got there around 8:25 or so. However, one of the other instructors was there waiting for the head guy to show up and unlock the door. Anyway, I left my daughter with that instructor and found out that the head guy didn't show up for another few minutes or so, but only after one of the other instructors had managed to get there. So I drop off my daughter today at 8:36 and the school is open and the lights are on and the instructor is in there with one of the other instructors and another kid is also there. So as I'm getting out of the car, the head instructor comes to the window and taps his watch and me and mouths, "You're late." So I flipped him off. It was the only thing I could do. Anyway, as we're walking into the school my daughter asks what the instructor was doing and I told her he's trying to say I'm late. "But why were you waving at him?" she asked, and I told her I was just saying hi.

When we walked in the door he said something about it being my turn to be late and I told him that I'd just given up getting there early because I knew he wasn't going to be on time anyway, and then he said he was on time. Or rather, that the other instructor was there on time and he was right behind her. Then the other student who was already there said that the instructor had been late because he and his father had apparently sat and waited for a little while. So I gave the instrutor a smug look and walked out the door. I'm winning. I don't care how immature it is. I'm winning.

Yay, yay, yay.

I no longer have to bring the child to work with me. Yay. It's really not fun. I'm glad I have the flexibility to do it when I have to, but I sure don't like having to do it. She starts karate camp this week. I wonder if she'll be able to deal with it. I dropped her off this morning and the place was completely locked down and dark, so I started freaking, thinking that maybe the camp was at the other location. Anyway, I tried calling the owner, but his voice mail was on and I'm thinking, "Shit, why don't these people ever have it together?" Which they rarely do. We only just found out a couple of days that they had changed locations for the camp, so I'm thinking maybe they changed it back again. So I sit there and then about five minutes later the instructor pulls up and I tapped my watch when he got out and he's like, "What?" And I said, "You were supposed to be here at 8:30." And he looks at his watch and say, "I'm only two minutes late." And I said, "Well, now I'm going to be late for work." Anyway, what really got me riled about this situation is that everytime someone shows up late for class, he makes a point of saying something to them when they walk through the door. "You're late!" or "Better be on time from now on," or whatever. This kid is only 19, so I should cut him some slack for his immaturity, but I hate hypocrites. I think you shouldn't open your mouth if you can't do what you say.

City of Karaoke

The Goo Goo Dolls aren't a favorite group of mine of anything, but I like a few of their numbers, especially this one from the City of Angels soundtrack. Here I am singing Iris.


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Hostel is not as compelling as people made it out to be.

So I finally got around to watching Hostel the other night. I was interested in seeing it because it garnered so much press at the time it came out with everyone saying it was the most disturbing film they'd ever watched. It was gory, but not as gory as I imagined it was going to be based on what I'd heard about it. Or maybe I really am so jaded that nothing can really shock me anymore. Yeah, it was gross watching the guy cut off the Japanese girl's eye or whatever he cut off her face, but it didn't make we want to vomit or anything. Actually, the only time in my life I've ever felt queasy watching a movie was when I was in eighth grade and I watched Cat People with Malcolm McDowell and Nastassja Kinski. There's a scene where Malcom McDowell's character wakes up after having spent the night with a prostitute, whom he's killed, and he's got this mucasy jelly stuff on his stomach which he plucks off and eats for a little breakfast snack. It was gross and I actually felt the bile rise to the back of my throat. It wasn't a graphically disgusting scene or anything, but idea of eating mucas just really got to me. Usually, I'm pretty solid when it comes to gore. Did I want to be grossed out with Hostel? Maybe. All I know is that it didn't live up to the hype for me.

My daughter is driving me crazy and I'm ready to kill the dog.

I know it's been a couple of days since I've posted. What are you going to do about it? Anyway, I've been bringing my daughter into work with me this week because all the summer programs don't start until next week. Since she's in Catholic school, she got out a week earlier than the public schools, which let out this week. Hence having to wait a week before I can dump her off on someone else. If I have to hear one more thing about Pokemon Emerald version, I'm going to lose my freaking marbles. It wouldn't be a problem having her in the office if she didn't want me to constantly stop what I'm doing to look at her Gameboy or print off coloring pages or help her get to Neopets.com or whatever. I know she's just a kid, but it's still driving me crazy. I'll be glad when this week is over. However, I know she'd rather be doing something different. It's not easy being cooped up for six hours watching your mom work. Which brings me to the dog and why I'm ready to kill it. This dog is backsliding majorly on the entire potty training thing. I woke up the other morning to find that she had gone around and spent the night leaving poop piles all over the damn house. She was doing really well and all of a sudden she can't figure out what the litter box is for. I just feel like I am constantly under pressure to watch the dog and follow her around the house to make sure she doesn't have an accident. I really wonder if it was a good idea getting a dog. Of course, we can't get rid of her because it would break my daughter's heart. I'm just hoping things bet better as she grows up. It's all kind of reminding me why we didn't have a second baby.

Podcast #15

Here I am with Little Korean Celt. Yeah, that's how desperate I am to talk to someone right now. Sad, isn't it?


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Jewel of the karaoke.

I like Jewel well enough. My brother used to have a MASSIVE crush on her when she first came out and, for all I know, he still has a massive crush on her. I know he sent her some kind of fan letter that he felt was so moving, he'd get a personal response. I don't know that he did, but he really, really liked her. Anyway, for my brother, here I am singing Hands.


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