July 30, 2004

Sex and the City.

K, I've just linked to a new blog. Postmodern Courtesan. I'll warn you ahead of time that it can be, ahem, racy at times, but really compelling all the same. It's written by a high-class hooker in New York.

Run Kathy Run!

Methinks there is something awry with Blogger. Either that or my brower's screwed up. But who cares? I'm almost out of here for my vacation. Of course, I still need to do more packing and cleaning before take-off, so it's not a completely worry-free day. It's a gloomy day today. Figures. Friends of ours are keeping the guinea pigs while were gone. They picked them up last night. This morning my daughter woke up, looked at their empty tank and said, "I feel like this big chunk of my heart is broken off and sinking down to my stomach." Naw, she's not melodramatic.

My husband just called me to tell me he mailed the bills. I said OK, then he said, "We're going on vacation." I said OK.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be getting out of town for awhile. I just can't think too much about being gone until we're actually gone. I've still got too much other stuff to check off the list.

July 29, 2004

What's up Sweetcakes?

I just got off the phone with a man who called the office and ended the call by saying, "Thanks, Hon." He had a southern accent. I'm not saying this explains the use of "Hon," but it probably does. I'm always surprised when men use these type of words when dealing with women in a professional setting. It's no secret that most women don't appreciate being referred to as hon, sweetie, baby, or little gal in the workworld. Why does it still happen? I think it's because so many men can no longer rely on the "old-boy" network to succeed today the way they used to, and they use these terms to create an environment of hostility. They're trying to throw women for a curve and get them all flustered and emotional. Personally, I'm not intimidated by it, but it does get me steaming mad. It makes my eye twitch.

We spent a really pleasant evening at home last night with our friends Chris and Sue from DC. I feel old now, though. The last time we saw them, their oldest son was still a toddler, and the youngest a baby. Now they're 11 and 8. Our daughter had a great time playing with them. They all got along really well. We spent the entire evening talking and reminiscing about the "old days." We laughed particularly hard over the time Chris helped my husband and I move into our first apartment together. It was February and there had been a recent snowfall. My husband lived in Dupont Circle, which is in the city, and this guy who lived a couple of buidlings down asked Chris and my husband to help him get his car out the alley. He couldn't get out because he couldn't get any traction in the snow. Anyway, he got in the car and Chris and TIm tried pushing him out, but it didn't work. He was sliding too much. So they asked him if he had an kitty litter they could sprinkle under the tires. He says sure and comes back with some that he spreads behind the wheels. He gets back into the car and revs the engine. When he does that, the tires spin and pelt the two of them with the kitty litter. They manage to get him out and when they come back to finish moving the furniture out of Tim's apartment, I notice that they smell like shit--cat shit to be exact. The guy and put down USED kitty litter and basically sprayed the two of them down with shit and piss. He was driving a Jaguar, which I think explains his intelligence level. Anyway, we laughed pretty hard remembering that one. :-)

We hit the road tomorrow evening for our two-week vacation. As I mentioned before, I don't know what I'll be doing from day to day as I've left all planning to my husband. However, I do plan on checking in with audio posts so that you can all share in our wonderfully exciting adventures on the road.

July 28, 2004

No rest for the weary.

Our friends from DC will be in tonight. Should be a lot of fun. I'm debating whether or not I actually want to go to the trouble of putting on make-up. If we end up taking pictures, then I'll wish I put on make-up. Yeah, guess I'll get gussied up. When I was a teenager, I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out by the roots than go out without make-up. Now, it seems like such a hassle most of the time. My mother complains about my laziness: "You used to take so much care with your appearance and now you look like a slob."

I try to rationalize my lack of personal grooming by telling myself, "I'm in Indiana. Even on my worst days, I still come out looking better than 75% of the population here." Of course, when I go to Chicago or back to DC, I feel like a complete backwater hick. I do shower everyday. That counts for a lot. I know some stay-at-home moms who seem to think that's optional. I never shared that point of view. I had friends who stopped showering when they started college and I never got that either. Just because your mom's not around to tell you to clean yourself up, you'll actually let yourself smell like a rank armpit? And as if not showering weren't bad enough, they were proud of it. "Hey, it's been four days since I showered." No kidding. That explains the green haze following you down the hall. I remember when we lived in Germany, people would stink something horrible. That's when I learned about the European aversion to deodorant. What doe Europeans think when they come to America and everyone is so afraid of body odor. Do they think walking around smells like going into a Bath & Body Works shop? Is it offensive to them? I'm going to go hunt down a European walking around right now and ask them.

July 27, 2004

Does Naked really work?

I've been looking at a blog that suggests one can increase their hit count by merely mentioning a naked celebrity. Brad Pitt Naked. I'm going to see what that does. Sting Naked. Surely someone is interested in seeing Sting naked. Lenny Kravitz Naked. Lenny shows off too much of himself as it is, which would be fine except that he ends up revealing too much of what a freak he is. What's with the nipple rings, Lenny? Is it wrong that whenever I see a man with nipple rings I just want to grab it and rip the thing right out? It's really more out of curiousity than anything else. I'm not particularly offended by them or anything, but there's something about a ring hanging there like that. It's like the ring in bull's nose. If I ever saw one in real life, I'd want to pull on that thing too.

July 26, 2004

Who are you?

There are no words.
Which Annoying B-list Celebrity Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey.

Apparently, I'm Pauly Shore, which makes sense in a weird way. For some inexplicable reason, I really like Pauly Shore movies. Don't know why. It defies explanation. All I know is that's the way it is.

T-minus four days and counting.

Well the countdown to vacation has begun. I haven't been on vacation since last summer, so I really need one. My husband has planned the entire trip. I told him I just want to get in the car in the morning and not think about anything. And I don't want to rush. We'll stop off to visit my sister in Missoula, but other than that, I have had no input into the planning of this trip. Should be interesting how it turns out.

I'm wondering about Gillian Anderson. Is she British? I watched this episode of Graham Norton where she was on as a guest and she was speaking with a British accent. I thought she was American. Graham Norton showed her pictures of where she lived as a child in England, but I never totally got whether she's actually British or not.

Man, I am tired. I'm sitting here wishing I could just lie down and take a nap. Maybe I will. I've actually tried that before, but it doesn't work. I lock the doors and turn off the light and lie down but I'm always paranoid someone will coming knocking and the lag time in getting to the door will seem weird and then they'll suspect something is going on and when they see I'm the only one in the office, they'll know I was trying to take a nap. I had a supervisor once who actually kept a camp mat in her office for naps. She'd tell us she was going to snag a snooze and close her door. I used to think (well I still think) that she was a complete moron. And she really used to wonder why none of us in the office had any respect for her. She'd also have to write everything down on a sticky note. Her entire office was decorated with sticky notes. I used to contemplate putting up random sticky notes with any old shit written on them just to create an altered reality. You know, stuff like "Pick up dry cleaning," or "Meeting with Dr. V @ 3:00." I never did it, but I should have. It would've been funny to see if she actually did the things I left on the notes.

July 23, 2004

Life's little aggravations.

I've really got to get a proper fitting bra. Ever since I had my daughter and finished nursing, I haven't been able to figure out what bra size I should be wearing. Before I got pregnant, I was a 34A. But I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be wearing anymore. It's really frustrating. I've tried 34A, 34B, 36A, and none of them seem to be quite right. Victoria's Secret has free bra sizing, but I'm a little paranoid after watching episodes of "What Not to Wear" that strange women will be manhandling my tits in way that frightens me.

It's strange because there are nameless, faceless strangers walking the streets who have seen parts of my body under the harsh, unforgiving brightness of hospital lights that men I've had sex with never got a good look at, but I don't want strange women touching my boobs just to figure out my bra size.

July 22, 2004

I suffered fools so gladly.

Today I'm feeling like I'm nothing more than here. I just spent the last hour watching Madonna videos on my computer. I love how modern technology gives you so many ways to screw around at work. Just think, when I first started working, the most I could do was play solitaire, now I can watch music videos. Woohoo. There's a stream of consciousness exercise I've done before in my writing workshops where you listen to music and write whatever comes to your mind. Let's try that right now and see what happens. I'm listening to music. Let's see what it inspires.

Sometimes when I"m jogging I imagine all the paths I could've taken in life. The funny thing about choices is that you only get to see one to the end when the possibilties are limitless. Take today for example: what happens tomorrow follows from what I do today. How many possible tomorrows are there? I wish we could have a television set that would play all the alternate endings to a life, just like a DVD special feature. I'm interested in the fork in the road. Where does it come in a day? Which second presents the possiblity for divergence? We all think our days are pretty predictable, and I guess they are for the most part, but one day the unexpected happens. I'm thinking of my uncle right now. He was up fixing his roof and had a heart attack and died. My aunt had gone to the store when he was on the roof and when she came back, he was on the ground with the neighbor trying to revive him with CPR. I think of my uncle waking up that morning. He figured he'd be putting his head down in the same spot from where he'd just lifted it, and that's not what happened. Who wakes up thinking this is the day I'm going to die?

The other day a commercial came on for the Make a Wish Foundation and my daughter asked what it was. I told her it's an organization that gives wishes to sick children who will probably die and won't get the opportunity to make their wishes come true for themselves. She asked why they die and I told her they die because theire bodies can't keep going anymore. It made her really sad and she said kids don't deserve to die and I said, no they don't, but it happens. So many possible tomorrows and we spend so much time cursing the moment as if it's eternal, as if there's not the possibility for some new thing right around the corner.

July 21, 2004

New Link

OK, this is just a quick note to point out yet another new blog link. Confessions of an online dater. It's interesting.

And just in case you're wondering, yes, I do sometimes actually work at work.

Just Wondering.

I don't think I'm utilizing my blog's full capabilities. I'm looking at some other blogs and see that people make numerous posts a day and detail every last second of their lives. What I really wonder is how do they have time to make so many posts. Sometimes my husband spends his entire evening on the computer and I often think it's excessive. My daughter has been getting into the act lately and saying,"Dad, don't you want to spend time with your family." Kids are sooooo good at dishing out the guilt. Of course, computer time hasn't been so much of a problem since I got the Gamecube. My husband and daughter are plugged into that thing for a good couple of hours a day. On the one hand, they're spending time together because they play together. On the other hand, I don't want my daughter turning into a vidiot. I'm actually a little surprised at how much she seems to enjoy playing because I always thought girls didn't get into video games the way boys do.

But it's funny to watch my daughter when she hears the video game turn on if she's in another part of the house. Her head jerks up like a prarie dog catching the sent of a coyote and she listens very carefully until she's sure that, yes, the video game marathon has begun. Then she tears into the livingroom screaming, "Dad, wait for me. Don't start without me." Yeah, some real Kodak moments being created here.

We've only got the one television, so when the games are on, that's my cue to go entertain myself. I'm sometimes tempted to get another t.v. for our bedroom. but there have been several studies lately that suggest children become too disconnected from the family when they have the means to hole themselves up and watch t.v. on their own. I'd never let my daughter have a t.v. for her room, but I don't want her being able to watch it anywhere in the house when we can't directly monitor it. Sounds Orwellian, I know, but t.v. today is not what it used to be.

July 20, 2004

Everything old is new again.

We got some good news last night--friends of ours from DC are going to be in our neck of the woods next week and will stop by for dinner. We haven't seen these folks in years. Chris and Sue and their two sons. Chris was my husband's best man and they used to work together at the bakery. They've never met our daughter, so it'll be great fun catching up with everything and everyone.

It's interesting, I still think of DC as home, although I'll probably never live there again. The traffic there is too crazy for real life. You literally spend half your day in the car trying to get from point A to point B. Not a good way to spend your time. I do miss the variety and sophistication of the place, but I'd rather spend time with my daughter and see her grow. In DC, we'd probably only see her a couple of hours a day between work, school and commuting. Although I sometimes feel as if I'm trapped in Mayberry living here, at least the pace is slower. And that counts for a lot when you've got a family. Also, living in a major metropolitan area tends to be pretty superficial. People are too concerned about the way they look and everyone's too worried about having more than the next guy. It's all just shit and people fool themselves into thinking it's really a life worth living. No thanks, I say.

I'd also like to take this time to put in a special plug for one of the blogs I'm linked to. If you haven't already, go take a look at Desperate Dad. B-day is fast approaching, and I wouldn't want any of you to miss the ride. :-)

P.S. You'll also see that I've been reincarnated as breakfast cereal. What's really odd, though, is that it's not the first time in my life.

July 19, 2004

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

There's an ant walking on my window and I'm wondering if it's worth the trouble to get up and kill the little bastard. Oops, now I don't see it. Too late. My brother-in-law's mother passed away last week. I'm not particularly close to my brother-in-law. He's not a bad guy or anything. We're just in-laws, if you know what I'm talking about. At any rate, it's never easy when you lose a parent (not that I know from personal experience, thank God). His mother died of cancer. I'd only met her a couple of times, but she seemed to have a very sad life in that she always seemed to me to just be biding her time. I just can't imagine thinking life is so not worth the effort that you just simply exist. That's what her life was like. Sometimes I think now that the days of my life blur into one big haze, but what if that haze were filled with nothing more than getting up in the morning only to wait until it's time to go to sleep at night. My life's a haze because there's so much packed into it. Her life was a haze because there was nothing to fill it. There's, of course, a lot of background to the whole thing, but it'll take more time to explain than it's really worth. Let's just say she was as much to blame for the emptiness of her life as anyone else. All I know is that when I finally check out, I'd like to think people wake up the next day and realize something's different. I'd hope that my absence is as tangible as my presence.

July 16, 2004

Walk the walk.

So we have to endure every parent's worst nightmare this weekend and take the child to Chuckie Cheese. (spooky background music here) I hate Chuckie Cheese, which is in direct correlation to how much my daughter loves it. But we told her she could pick the restaurant where we celebrate her good grades. If you've never been to Chuckie Cheese, it's basically a real-life manifestation of Lord of the Flies. It's just kids, loads of crazy kids running around like lunatics. Add to that the fact they're all suped-up on sugar, caffeine and grease from the soda and pizza. The flashing lights, I'm sure, increase their agitation by inducing some sort of hyper-stimulated brain wave activity. It's nuts, man. I'm telling you, it's nuts. I usually just sit and wait it out while my husband and daughter play the video games, but I've been told I WILL be playing games on this visit so that my daughter can get as many tickets as humanly possible. The reason for earning tickets, of course, is to trade them in for useless little toys that only cost a fraction of what you paid for the tokens to win the tickets in the first place. It's genius when you think of it. I'm sure Chuckie Cheese, Inc. is rolling in the dough. Did you know, by the way, that the guy who started Atari is the person responsible for Chuckie Cheese? It's true. He wanted to have a place to put his video games, so he came up with the idea of Chuckie Cheese, not knowing the restaurant would prove a stronger animal than Atari.

July 15, 2004

I am the down-trodden.

So the books finally came in today and I've just spent the entire afternoon on the mailing. Wow! It was the most fun I've ever had. That's a lie. I'm sitting here thinking about going grocery shopping before I pick up my daughter rather than after. My primary reason for wanting to shop without her is that I get away cheaper for the trip when she's not with me. I remember when my siblings and I were children we'd drive our mother crazy by re-enacting the commercials for every product she picked off the shelves. My daughter doesn't recite the commercials as much as tell me why I should get a certain product.

"Mom, this helps you clean everything really quickly. Like, super quick."
"How do you know this?"
"I saw the commercial, and it worked really fast."
"What do we say about the stuff on television?"
"It's a lie."

Well, I am off to grocery shop sans the child.

July 14, 2004

Makes you think.

I've linked to a new blog. Life in Debt. Anyway--not to make any of my fellow bloggers nervous by making you wonder what people must think of your deepest thoughts--this guy is seriously messed up. He's 33 and apparently suffers from a spending addiction that has sent him down a very troubled path. Assuming everything on the blog is true, he is tortured. There's no doubt about that. Reading his blog is like watching a car crash. Just go read it for yourself. But my main reason for pointing out this link is because he confesses to his infidelity. The fact that he's cheating on his wife isn't what's necessarily so shocking. Rather, it's disturbing to me how nonchalant the whole thing is. He feels bad about it, but it all seems to happen so casually--as if by accident. "Ooops, so sorry about my penis falling into your vagina like that. Do pardon me." It makes me wonder about men in general. Not that I think all men are destined to wander, but when it does happen, is this how it happens.

I had an anthropology class in college where the professor said the only animals who mate for life are those where the male and female are externally, virtually indistinguishable from each other. Like Gibbons. This means there aren't many species that naturally mate for life. He called male mate-for-lifers 'dads' and the rest 'cads.' Did you know that male chimpanzee have been observed to basically 'gang-bang' female chimpanzee? They rape them. Obviously, they're cads. Anyway, from a stictly biological point of view, human men would be cads. This raises the question, then, whether or not humans fight their internal programming by forcing themselves into monogamous relationships. Just so you know up front, I believe anyone who would try and use this line of thinking as a serious justification for cheating is an ASS. But I'm playing devil's advocate right now. So is this how a person ends up in an extramarital affair? They just fall into it. I do find it interesting how people try to deny their free will by suggesting they "can't help themselves." What does that mean? This is not a topic I spend any time pondering upon, but Debt's blog just got me wondering.

P.S. Although I said I wasn't planning on placing many audio posts, I think I just might end up doing that while we're on vacation next month.

July 13, 2004

this is an audio post - click to play

Poor Kid.

I'm trying to determine if my daughter's recent behavior is reflective of her age or her disposition. It seems a couple of girls have been making fun of her name at the summer program she attends. Of course, this hurts her feelings. However, she's not been telling them that it hurts her feelings and is too embarrassed to say anything to the teachers. I asked her why and she said because that would be mean. She seems particularly sensitive to this type of treatment and doesn't seem to have the confidence to stick up for herself. I try to explain to her that letting her feelings and disapproval be known to the offending parties does not constitute "meanness," but she's not interested in listenting to that. My husband just says she should punch them out. Luckily, she's a smart girl and usually responds, "DAD!!! That's not the right answer." Of course, I'm silently agreeing with the old man, but we can't really let her think that's a legitimate coping tool. I just don't know how I managed to produce a child with such a dearth of violent tendencies considering I usually was one of the kids who hit first and talked later. That only happened a handfull of times, but still, I'd hit 'em.

So I'm left trying to figure out how to get her to stand up for herself. I changed tactics a bit and tried to explain to her that she can't control other people's behavior, but she can always control hers. I told her she doesn't need to be hurt by these girls because they have no impact on her life if that's what she chooses. They're vapor and as consequential to her life as dung beetles. Strangely enough, she seemed to grasp that better than contemplating speaking up for herself. Explain that one to me.

July 12, 2004

Tell me why I don't like Mondays.

Because they suck, that's why. Before I rejoined the rat race of Mon.-Fri., I was fortunate enough to only work Tues.-Thurs. Little did I know what a leisurely pace that was. I always had a four-day weekend. Not that my house is ever as clean as I'd like it to be, it certainly came closer to it when I had the two extra days to work on it. Now I feel like I'm drowning in my own filth. We definitely need to get the vents cleaned. I'm sure that will make my life a little better.

I had a weird dream the other night. I'm in a public restroom pulling down my pants and underwear when I notice a shadow pass over me from the corner of my eye. I look up and there's a man staring down at me from over the stall wall. What's that supposed to be about? I'm sure somebody would say it has something to do with a fear of being exposed, but that's not really a fear for me. But it's weird. I have these dreams that don't seem connected to anything going on in my life and even as I'm dreaming them, in the back of my mind I'm wondering where does this come from. I have dreams sometimes where I'm screaming in the dream and I can tell that my body is actually trying to scream too, but I can't get the sound out of my mouth. I'll be somewhat aware of trying to scream and knowing it's not working. Those are weird, too. When I was studying French in high school and college, I'd sometimes have dreams in French where I understood everything and I spoke it properly, but I knew if I were awake, none of it would make sense as well as it should. How can you speak better French in your dreams than in real life?

I still remember that my first sexual dream was about Rick Springfield. I was in the 8th grade when I had it. Rick and I are walking down a hallway to his apartment. He's wearing a red satin shirt. It's open about three buttons down from his neck so you can see his chest hair. In the dream I thought this was really alluring, but in real life, I hate chest hair. Come to think of it, I don't even know if Rick Springfield actually has chest hair. So we get to his apartment door and he opens it and we walk in. There are candles everywhere and a fire is going in the fireplace. I am wearing a white blouse and tight Jordache jeans. In the dream I was grown-up and not an eighth-grader. So I sit down on the couch next to Rick and we start kissing, very tenderly as first, but then Rick becomes more demanding. I become lost in the heat of it all and I respond quite enthusiastically. It's all basically like a trashy romance novel after that. We don't actually have sex in the dream, but Rick does unbutton my blouse and performs a lot of nipple licking and sucking. At some point I take his shirt off, too, but we never take our pants off. Those stay on the entire dream. Anway, I woke up and had those strange tingling feelings (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) that I just didn't understand. I remeber feeling quite satisfied with myself thinking I was old enough to have sex dreams. I never did dream about RIck again after that, but he always holds a special place in my heart.

July 09, 2004


I am tired. It's just the end of the week, I guess. I'm sitting here trying to decide if I'll drag my lazy ass to the gym to run after work or not. I love the internal debates I have when it comes to exercise. I really do enjoy it, and I always feel good after I've run. The problem is when I'm sitting here and I fell soooooo tired, I convince myself it's more trouble than it's worth. No, I'll go run because I've been traveling and I haven't gotten into the gym yet this week. Why are all Sinead O'Connor's albums after the first one crap? What happened?

The magazine is supposed to come from the printer today. We'll see if that actually comes to pass. My friend Elena stopped by last night with the girls and the baby. He's only a week old, but he seemed pretty alert in the eyes. He kept his eyes steady and focused. He is a cute little monkey. You just forget how helpless they are when they're that young. You know, just a floppy bag of skin and bones wrapped up nicely in poop. The one thing I've always wondered about with babies and poop is how they get the projectile pooping up the back. Tell me how it's possible from a physics point of view. Seriously, from which angle and at what speed is the poop coming out of their butt so that it ricochets perfectly off the diaper to blast right up their back? In the whole scheme of things it wouldn't be so bad if this incredible projectile pooping happened when you had a change of clothing and loads of wet wipes. But, of course, that's not when it happens. Not ever.

But it is so obvious to me when I see little new-borns that I am perfectly happy with the one child. She really is all I need, And I love the size of our little family. It's the perfect size to me. I never get those odd urgings for another one when I hold a baby. Doesn't do a damn thing for me, thank God. We're at three weeks and counting until we leave for our vacation out to Washington state. It should be a really good time. My husband and I haven't had a really nice, leisurely road trip since our honeymoon. I'm really excited about showing my daughter all the tacky tourist stops. You know life ain't nothing till you've seen the biggest ball of twine in the world and a two-headed snake.

July 08, 2004


I forgot to mention earlier that I bought my husband a nintendo gamecube out of guilt over forgeting his birthday. That makes me a good wife after all, right? Hmmmm, yeah.

Babies, Men and Women.

I had an interesting "discussion" with my husband this morning. He asked me how Michelle and Bennett were doing with the babies and I told him that it's the same old thing: the mother is soooo tired and the father is trying but the mother still feels like she's not getting the sort of help she actually needs and the father just feels like the wife is harping on him because she doesn't give him any credit. Of course, we suffered through exactly the same thing when we had our daughter. Anyway, as we were having this "discussion," defending our respective sexes, I found it amazing how quickly the hackles rise on this subject.

Men, your women are dead tired. They have just pushed your progeny out of their bodies into the world. But that's not the end of it. Once that business is taken care of, they get to be big ole lactating cows. From you to the baby--we never get our tits back. Right now, we really do think we hate you. We look at your face and we want to bash it in. That's the God-honest truth. You don't seem to take initiative on anything. You just sit there and let us handle it all without coming to the rescue without being asked. You've got to realize we don't have time or energy right now to think about you or worry about your ego. You're just going to have to deal.

Women, your men are dead tired. They've just spent nine months watching you transform into someone they don't know, and they don't know what to do about it. They want to help you, they really do. But they've never even held a baby before, let alone having had to see to one's every need. They're afraid to take the initiative and do something because they know you're going to yell them out for not doing it the way that you wanted them to. It's not out of laziness that they're waiting for you to tell them what to do. You've got to realize they've just become parents, too, and they're torn between feeling helpless and wanting to take action. It's not surprising they get stuck somewhere in the middle. You're just going to have to deal.

July 07, 2004

Bad Wife.

OK, this is my official I'm a bad wife day. Today is my husband's birthday and I FORGOT!!! But before I get too absorbed in my self-flagellation, I'll preface all this by telling you he forgot my birthday last year. I guess this is what happens when you've been married ten years. So, I'll have to stop by the store tonight to get him a cake and card. I'll take him out to dinner, too. Other than that, it's just another day.

Finally managed to get Jeanine on her way. They closed Chicago last night because of a thunderstorm, so she had to stay another night to catch the next flight out this morning. C'est la vie. It was great getting to see her and Michelle again. It was like no time had passed since we sat at lunch talking trash about everyone else in the world. Sigh. Good memories. I still can't believe I forgot my husband's birthday. That's pretty bad. Cool, Kate Bush is playing.

Sometimes I really wonder about this whole aging thing. In my mind I still feel 16. I feel like I should still be able to run around like a fool. Not really thinking about more than a good time. If I were a rock star, I could still live that life. What's the quick path to rock stardom? If anyone out there has the answer, let me know. But I wouldn't be a Janis Joplin rock star. I don't want to die. And how cliche is that anyway? Let me drink myself to death and let them all find me in a pool of vomit and shit-filled undies. So glamorous. I've always wondered why rock stars drink and drug so much. Most people are doing these things because they want to escape their real lives. Let's think about rock stars: you're rich, you're famous, you can have sex with anyone you want. What reality are you trying to escape? Yeah, man. You've got it bad. Life's just not fair, is it? Doesn't make a lick of sense to me.

I saw this documentary on HBO the other day about how bad the meth problem is in rural areas of the country. It's apparently the drug of choice for Farmer Bob and his cronies. What I couldn't believe is that they showed this couple shooting up in their kitchen. So the guy is melting the meth in the spoon to shoot up and he sucks that crap into the syringe and it's dirty. I mean it's brown and there are pieces of dirt floating around inside the needle and they shoot this into their veins. Why not just mix up some mud and shoot up on that? It was really disgusting. I guess that just goes to show how bad addictions can be.

July 06, 2004

Interview #13

I know it's been awhile, but I've got a very special interview today. It's my friend Jeanine and we used to work together at the American Nurses Association. She, Michelle and I were the cultural diversity squad at ANA. So, let's get the interview going.

KC: Tell me your worst nightmare.

JWG: It's a toss-up between drowning or dying from fire.

KC: Why those two things?

JWG: Because I'm a good swimmer and I've always thought how could you not swim away if you're in trouble, and I worked for a lawyer once who worked on an arson case and I saw pictures of the people killed in the fire and I thought just shoot me but don't let me fry like that.

KC: What has been your impression of the Midwest on this visit?

JWG: The intellectual midwest I just saw or what I think of South Bend and Mishawaka. Ha, ha, ha. No really, it strikes me as being so southern in many ways in that everyone is nice and the pace is so slow--probably out of fear--and finally she said isn't the weather so nice. But, it just strikes me as the outskirts of Savannah and you can see these people with their denim and dixieland flags. But it's funny because it doesn't seem like Notre Dame belongs here because you walk around and it's nice and sunny but you feel like people are talking about more than how high the corn is growing.

KC: I should give our viewers some background information on you. Jeanine is a graduate of Mount Holyoke College. She received her degree in Politics because at Mount Holyoke they believe it's an art as well as a science. She currently works in Northern Virginia a communications professional. Also, she's very funny and she's from Savannah, GA. So she's a Georgia Peach.

What's been the weirdest thing about being married in your opinion?

JWG: I think the absolute weirdest thing is people calling me Mrs. (Name). I still haven't gotten used to that.

KC: Who are you voting for?

JWG: Not a Bush fan, but I'm also not a Kerry fan. So, I'm just waiting for someone to surprise me or make me feel good about them before it's time to vote, I believe this is the first year where I cannot honestly say, "Yeah, that's the one." Neither one does it for me.

KC: What is the most dangerous aspect of people's silent racism in America today?

JWG: Well, it's hard to fight something that you can't see so in many instances the person who is silent may be the very person you desperately want something from or need something from. But if they're racist, you can't get it and you're doing what you can to make yourself the best candidate for a job, making a bid on a house, getting an approval for a loan. And it's incredible the many ways racism can affect your life. But of course you don't have to succumb to that.

KC: What's been the most disturbing thing that ever happened to you because of your race?

JWG: I think the most disturbing thing is the first thing I can ever remember happening and that was riding down the street on my bike with my girlfriend--who was white--and having these teenage boys call me nigger.

KC: How old were you?

JWG: We were in second grade. And it's almost like when you've never been called a name like that before, the impact is so great when someone actually opens their lips to call you that because you're just in shock. In some ways, I'm glad it happened in second grade because it prepared me for life. I'm sure there are worse things people could do than call me a name, but it sets you up to be prepared for the next thing.

KC: What did do? Did you just tell your parents? Did you say anything to the boys?

JWG: No. Actually, I just kept on riding and I never said a word to the boys or my parents. In fact, I don't even remember talking about it with my friend.

KC: Was it out of shame that you kept quiet?

JWG: Possibly. I never really thought about why I never said anything. Living in my neighborhood wasn't easy. Going to my school wasn't easy. I was litterally one of a handful of black people. I didn't want to make it harder on my parents to live there. If they knew people were calling me names, they would've moved. Probably ego had something to do with it because I thought you can't just make me leave by calling me a name.

KC: I think it's interesting to see the level of racism that exists just within the black community itself. I suppose it exists somewhat within white cultre but is seems really pervasive among African-Americans in terms of light-skinned vs. dark-skinned. What's that all about?

JWG: I'm sure it's not any more pervasive in African-American communities as other communities. I once knew a guy who was half Italian and half Brazillan or Portugese, and he's mother was devasted that he'd never marry a full-blooded Italian because she had made him so dark since she was from another culture.

KC: Why would she care if he married a full-blooded Italian.

JWG: I don't know. Her husband was full Italian and they lived in a full Italian town. It was the craziest thing I ever heard. But I do think that in this country, I mean there is such a stigma about being dark over things like where your ancestor worked, whether it was in the big house or outside. And also if you wanted to succeed in America if you were a very light-skinned person you could do that by just denying your African heritage and marrying a white person and fil into the main culture, which gives you access to so many things.

KC: But to continue in that line of thinking doesn't even seem logical anymore.

JWG: True, but it's only been less than two hundred years. To us that sounds like a long time but it's not in the whole scheme of things.

KC: OK, now that you've read some of my past interviews, you're going to have to give up something nasty from your past.

JWG: No way. I am a very prim and proper woman and I don't have anything nasty in my past, At least I'm not dumb enough to let you put it on your blog. I don't have any crazy stuff. I should have hung out with Michael. I kidnapped a man once.

KC: What?1?

JWG: It's not that exciting a story.

KC: It's story, though, right?

JWG: Let me see, I kidnapped someone...I can't tell you about Chris and the gay people, he'll kill me. Dating the three guys, that wasn't that exciting. I'm just boring. I'm everyone's goody-two-shoes friend. Everyone has kids now, I'm still trying to live it up.

KC: I want to know about Chris and the gay people.

JWG: I can't reveal that unless we're divorced.

KC: Pleeeeease. (I'm looking with puppy-dog eyes.)

JWG: I can't.

KC: OK, I guess I'll have to be satisfied with the kidnapping story.

JWG: No, I'm going to think of a really good story and do it via e-mail. (Starts laughing really hard.) My girlfriend Kim and I used to drive by Chris'
house and pretend we're were mailing stuff, just so we could look at his house. Only Kim will find this funny.

KC: OK, I'll take your word on that.

JWG: I guess I'll have to start a blog just so I can interview you.

KC: OK, we're going to cut out now because Jeanine is hooked by the blog bug and we're going to get her started with her own. See you later.

Thelma and Louise ride again.

Well, Thelma and Louise if they had a six-year-old and a bag of gummi bears with them. The trip to Kentucky was great fun. Michelle and Bennett's babies are sooooo cute. Go here if you want to see them Michelle & Bennett's website. They were about six weeks premature, which is not unusual for twins or multiples in general. It's been a long road to parenthood for them and I am so happy everything has worked out.

July 01, 2004


Well, I must say I am feeling tres excited today. My good friend Jeanine flies in tomorrow morning from DC, and we will then be heading down to Kentucky to visit our other good friend Michelle. Michelle (the Michelle I interviewed some posts back) just had twin girls and we're on the way to see them. It'll be great to see everyone, but it will also be great to see someplace new. I've never been to Louisville, so it's a little mini-adventure for me, as well. However, road tripping today is a little different than it used to be. We will be taking the child, so no beer. Sob, sob. But seriously, I certainly don't condone drinking and driving. It's a joke, people. Chill out. I haven't seen Jeanine since her wedding about three or four years ago. It'll be so much fun.

My husband has to get his pupils dialated for his yearly diabetes-related eye exam. He wanted me to go with him to drive back home afterwards, but he realized he could probably handle it on his own. I will, however, have to figure out ways to mess with him tonight since his vision will be all screwed up. Maybe I'll purposefully shove things in his face like they do with 3D movies. I don't know that that will actually do anything, but it'll be fun experimenting nonetheless.