May 27, 2008

Loves it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dang, I wish I came up with that prank. More secrets here.

What kind of GD sickness is at work here?

Apparently, this is an organization that arranges adoptions for people who need organs. I don't know about you, but this is all kinds of warped and twisted to me. These children are being bartered like sacks of grain if you ask me. I only hope this website is a joke. A sick, disgusting joke, but a joke is better than thinking people actually do this.

May 21, 2008

Podcast #24

I must say goodbye to another one of my beautiful girls. Life is so cruel, but not nearly as cruel as the the dirt we dish.

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My Chinese Horoscope from Facebook

"Don't try to repress your sexual fantasies; you'll need them to sustain and intensify your libido."

Excellent. I'm ordering the nipple clamps right now.

May 11, 2008

The best Mother's Day gift of all.

This is the card my daughter gave me this morning. As you can see, my daughter really, really understands my needs. It's moments like this that make me feel like I'm doing my job right.

May 09, 2008

It's true. I am brutal.

Your Score: Capitalist Pig

You are 71% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.

You are the Capitalist Pig! This means that you are less emotional than most, focusing more on logic. You are also more selfish, greedy, and care very little for the well-being of others, hence you probably hold capitalistic political views. This also means that you are particularly swinish, willing to grouse in any amount of shit for your own gain, and obese with greed. You are also an extrovert, like most of the people in the hallmark capitalistic country of America. Despite these traits, you are surprisingly not very arrogant, tending to view yourself as equal to others, just like the principle of Democracy in America. Which seems strange given that you are so mean and brutal to others at times. But despite your intentions to see others as equal, and to not be an arrogant twat, it must always be remembered that while all animals are created equal, some are more equal than others--the pigs being more equal. So while you may not be full of yourself, you certainly don't treat others with the respect they deserve. So like any farmyard pig, you are greedy, noisy, and don't care about others. The only difference between you and a pig is that you are more rational and intelligent. In conclusion, your personality defect is that you are a bit too logical, rather unemotional, way too extroverted, and also very brutal in regards to others. You may even be a bit insecure about yourself, little piggy. But at least you're not a platypus. It must suck to be a platypus, you know? All those identity issues.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

May 01, 2008

Take a bite out of crime.

I watched a really interesting movie last night called Teeth. It's a comic horror movie about a teenage girl who finds she is in possession of vagina dentata, or vaginal teeth. The movie was really well done, in my opinion, and the acting was wonderful. Now, before watching this movie I'd never heard of vagina dentata, but it turns out to be a fairly common myth that appears in many cultures. Most people seem to attribute the origins of this myth to a male fear of intercourse and female sexuality. It would appear, reading these explanations, that men harbor some kind of real, deep-seeded dread that anytime they have sex with a woman, they're going to pull back a bloody nub instead of a penis. I, of course, find this all hysterical--probably because I'm an evil bitch at my very core. At any rate, the movie basically uses the myth to explore the heroine's burgeoning (and poorly understood) sexuality. She is a virgin who leads a local group of young people who pledge abstinence until marriage. However, her sacred vow is put to the test when she meets a new boy in town who fills her feelings she just doesn't understand. Unfortunately, during a romantic swim at a local watering hole, the boy becomes overwhelmed with his own lust and rapes her. This is when, to her horror (and especially the boy's) the heroine learns of her extra set of choppers. Let me just say part of what makes this film really funny is its commitment to showing all the gory details. I think you get what I mean. Traumatized by what has happened, the heroine attempts to come to grips with and comprehend her unique anatomy; however, not before other unscrupulous men (including a less-than-professional gynecologist) learn her secret the hard way. Go watch this film. It's good. It's hysterical. It's heartbreaking, but not for the reasons you might think. I give it two thumbs up.