July 22, 2004

I suffered fools so gladly.

Today I'm feeling like I'm nothing more than here. I just spent the last hour watching Madonna videos on my computer. I love how modern technology gives you so many ways to screw around at work. Just think, when I first started working, the most I could do was play solitaire, now I can watch music videos. Woohoo. There's a stream of consciousness exercise I've done before in my writing workshops where you listen to music and write whatever comes to your mind. Let's try that right now and see what happens. I'm listening to music. Let's see what it inspires.

Sometimes when I"m jogging I imagine all the paths I could've taken in life. The funny thing about choices is that you only get to see one to the end when the possibilties are limitless. Take today for example: what happens tomorrow follows from what I do today. How many possible tomorrows are there? I wish we could have a television set that would play all the alternate endings to a life, just like a DVD special feature. I'm interested in the fork in the road. Where does it come in a day? Which second presents the possiblity for divergence? We all think our days are pretty predictable, and I guess they are for the most part, but one day the unexpected happens. I'm thinking of my uncle right now. He was up fixing his roof and had a heart attack and died. My aunt had gone to the store when he was on the roof and when she came back, he was on the ground with the neighbor trying to revive him with CPR. I think of my uncle waking up that morning. He figured he'd be putting his head down in the same spot from where he'd just lifted it, and that's not what happened. Who wakes up thinking this is the day I'm going to die?

The other day a commercial came on for the Make a Wish Foundation and my daughter asked what it was. I told her it's an organization that gives wishes to sick children who will probably die and won't get the opportunity to make their wishes come true for themselves. She asked why they die and I told her they die because theire bodies can't keep going anymore. It made her really sad and she said kids don't deserve to die and I said, no they don't, but it happens. So many possible tomorrows and we spend so much time cursing the moment as if it's eternal, as if there's not the possibility for some new thing right around the corner.

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