Well, that took two forevers.

I just finished addressing all my Christmas cards and I really think my daughter gestated for less time than it took me to get those suckers ready. Seriously, it took hella long. And I didn't even write out the addresses or anything. I printed up labels, so all I was doing was stuffing, licking, and sticking. Anyway, it's done now so I don't have to worry about it for another year. In general, I haven't had much time to think about Christmasy sort of things this year. Between work, my daughter's schedule and theatre stuff, Christmas has ended up a kind of afterthought. I have to say I don't mind entirely. If it weren't for my daughter, I don't think I'd even bother with things like putting up a Christmas tree or baking cookies or any of the rest of it. Not because I'm going all Scrooge or anything, but just because it seems pretty pointless in the larger scheme of things. I just find it interesting how much pressure we put on ourselves as a society around the holidays. I have to assume most of it is for the kids, to try and give them something special, but why we suddenly think it's so important to hang lights everywhere and bake and cook ourselves senseless is escaping me the older I get. Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas, and I love seeing my daughter's excitement. I guess I just wish it came with less ceremony.

20 Things

A friend of mine tagged me on Facebook yesterday with this list. You're supposed to list 16 random things about yourself and then tag another 16 friends to get their list, and so on, and so on. Since I went to the trouble of making a list, I figured I may as well post it here. Although, I turned it into 20 things because I think 16 is a weird number for a list. If you feel so inclined, pass your own list on to your friends.

1. I still think I'm going to be famous one day.

2. I can tie a cherry stem into a knot using my tongue.

3. I'd love to be the singer in a rock band.

4. I like comfortable shoes.

5. Wish I could figure out a way to get my daughter to eat a wider variety of healthy foods.

6. I have one tattoo, and have been giving a lot of thought lately to getting a second.

7. Think my brother is the funniest person I know.

8. If I ever won the lottery, the only splurge items I'd really be interested in getting would be to hire a personal trainer who'd make me exercise every day and a cook who would only make healthy meals so I wouldn't have to think about food anymore. I really hate thinking about food. If they could make a meal pill like in The Jetsons where you'd get all your nutrition and not feel hungry, I'd be totally cool with that.

9. Wish I could be with my parents and siblings more often.

10. I hate country music. I pretty much think it sucks and listening to it hurts my ears. Ditto on opera.

11. I daydream all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. I'm daydreaming right now.

12. I really am a mega-bitch, and I don't feel even a little bit bad about it.

13. I want to have my own talk show.

14. I'm pretty sure I'm spending a long time in Purgatory.

15. I like pushing people's buttons just to see what they'll do.

16. I've got a mouth like a sailor. I don't know why I like swearing, but I do.

17. I like dirty jokes and blue humor. In fact, the nastier it is, the longer and harder I'll probably laugh.

18. I like watching surgical procedures on the Health Discovery Channel, or any channel that's showing a surgery in graphic detail, really.

19. I know how to sew, knit and crochet.

20. I have a penis whistle in my purse.

Uh, do you mind?

OK, explain this one to me. I'm at the gym doing my elliptical when an old guy (which is pretty much the only kind of guy I see exercising in the faculty work out room) gets on the machine next to me. Mind you, there are several other empty ellipticals that are not right next to me, but he doesn't pick one of those. Anyway, old man gets on the elliptical next to me and starts ellipticaling like mad. He's pumping his veiny, saggy-skinned legs as fast as his can and working up a good sweat. A sweat, I should point out, that is not lacking in a very malodorous bouquet. But it is the gym, so it kind of comes with the territory. So I continue on with my workout when I am suddenly assaulted by a very unsweaty kind of stench. And, yes, it's a fart. At least, it's the only thing I can assume it is because it smells like a fart. I didn't hear anything, so it was of the silent but deadly variety, but it smelled like rotten ass, which, of course, makes sense. At any rate, I'm trying to continue exercising while trying to hold my breath a bit at the same time until the odor fades. This isn't as easy as it sounds because, you know, I'm exercising. My body is requiring more than it's normal amount of oxygen to keep exercising, and I absolutely was not going to breath through my mouth to supply the extra oxygen. I mean, it's one thing to smell some old guy's rotten ass fart, but I'm sure as hell not going to taste that shit. Which is why I never understand when people start breathing through their mouths when they smell something bad. There are taste buds in your mouth and they taste. Why would anyone want a mouthful of fart? I don't get it.

At any rate, the fart fades enough for me to start breathing normally again, and I'm going along doing my thing on the elliptical. Not too much longer, I smell another fart. So, of course, I'm pissed. I mean, come on. How am I supposed to keep exercising when some pasty geezer keeps breaking wind next to me? Plus, it's just rude. After way too much time, the old guy gets off the elliptical and leaves. I'm incredibly relieved and continue on with my own workout. When my husband gets home I tell him the agony I had to endure and he tells me that men can't help it. He tells me men can't hold in their farts, which I tell him is bullshit. He swears to me that men can't hold in their farts. Why is it women can hold in their farts, then? Seriously. I think men just don't want to hold in their farts because they don't give a damn if they sicken people with their stink. The only thing I'm saying is if that is the truth and you men know it, don't fucking get on the elliptical next to me, then. Is that really to much to ask?

Podcast #26

The girls and I discuss a recent sex toy party we attended.

KC goes to a Supernatural convention

So, I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was going to a Supernatural convention to see Jared and Jensen, the two guys who star in the show. Well, I did that and it was...interesting. I was able to get a ticket into the convention, which did a lot to help me enjoy my weekend. And I had a really good time. My friends and I went out Saturday evening and did a little shopping, had a little dinner (where I scored us a couple of free deserts. A big shout out to Jimmy Park.), enjoyed a few drinks at a nice Irish pub, got kicked out of the piano bar we went to after, and ended the evening back at the hotel bar. All in all, a very enjoyable time.

Before I talk about the convention, I feel like I should explain I've never been to a convention for a television show before. I've seen movies and programs about conventions, like the Star Trek conventions and what not, but I've never been to one. At any rate, I expected this Supernatural convention to be something like what I'd seen on TV of other similar gatherings. Yeah, it wasn't like that. First of all, the attendees were largely female. I'm talking, oh, probably 98% of the people present. There where so many women, I had to really wonder why the men who were there, were there. Maybe they were gay. I don't know, and it really doesn't matter, but they had to feel like outsiders. It was seriously wall-to-wall women. On second thought, maybe the few men were there to score chicks. At any rate, this convention was nothing like conventions I've seen on television. There were only about five tables set up with merchandise, and it was all Supernatural stuff, which I guess makes sense, but you'd think they'd have other stuff. Anyway, we had the "cheap" ($50, thank you very much) seats in the very back of the ballroom, so we never got a really good look at the boys because they just looked too small. Now directly behind the guys was a huge screen that I assumed they would use to project the guys on so that the people in the back could see. Wrong. They just showed some fan-made music video, which was actually pretty good, but WTF. I don't pay $50 for anything for myself and I shelled out cold, hard greenback to be in the same room with Sam and Dean Winchester and the convention organizers didn't even have the common sense to project their appearance onto a huge screen that was already there. And forget about trying to get a decent picture. It just wasn't possible from where I sat. So, I decided to sidle along the wall up a little closer to the stage to get a couple of shots. A lot of other people had the same idea and staff eventually made everyone go back to their seats. I understand not letting everyone crowd along the walls for safety reasons, but I think most people were only interested in getting a couple of somewhat decent pictures before sitting back down.

All in all, I'm glad I went. The boys were funny and charming, and I left liking them even more. I can't imagine I'd have had as much grace as they did answering stupid questions like: Um, what's your favorite color? But believe me, I don't ever, ever have to go to something like that again.

What's it all about?

I've been thinking a lot lately about life. It's certainly been prompted somewhat by my uncle's recent suicide, but some things that happened during the course of Dracula (which closed Nov. 2) have got me thinking, too. Added to all this, a woman who was very involved with the theatre and well-loved by many of the other volunteers (I was really only an acquaintance.) passed away recently after having battled cancer for most of the year. She was only 48 and leaves behind a husband and two teenage daughters. At any rate, I find myself thinking a lot about where I've been and where I think I'm going.

For the first time since my daughter was born, I'm starting to feel awake again. Maybe it's because of getting involved with theatre and having that creative outlet. I do know I've started feeling like myself again since I've started up with the acting. Maybe it's because my daughter is getting to an age of more self-sufficiency and I can step back and breathe a bit more and separate myself from her a little. It's probably a combination of those things, really. All I know is that in some ways I feel like I'm standing on a cliff looking over the landscape of my life. Not in a bad way or anything. It's not as if I feel like jumping off the cliff. It's all good. I think I'm at an age where I can see I'm still young enough to experience and accomplish things that I want to, but old enough to know that I better start doing them now because time just goes too quickly and there's no such thing as forever.

One of the things that I'm really determined to do is have more fun. I'm someone who has spent a good portion of my life putting off fun because it didn't seem like the rational or practical thing to do, either because of low funds, or bad timing, or having to get up early, or whatever. I know now I'd rather have the memories. To that end, some friends of mine and I are heading into Chicago tomorrow for a girls weekend. The impetus behind the trip is the Supernatural convention that's being held there. The two stars are appearing on Sunday, so I suggested to that we go in Saturday so that we could go out for the evening and then hit the convention the next day before heading home. However, I foolishly underestimated how many other people would want to see Jared and Jensen and according to the convention website, all general admission tickets are sold out. Rather, they've stopped internet sales and there might be tickets available at the door on a first come, first served basis, but I obviously can't count on being able to get in now. This wouldn't really be a problem in the whole scheme of things if one of our group hadn't had the good sense to order her ticket online some time ago. So she can get in, but I feel bad about her having to go in by herself because what kind of fun is that going to be. So I've contrived to try and figure out where the boys are staying in Chicago so we can accidentally "bump" into them and get a picture.

I've been trying to tap everyone I know in an attempt to orchestrate this encounter. I've got a hotel name, which may or may not be true. I'm about to call up the Chicago Tribune to see if I can get any information out of their entertainment reporter. I'm hoping they'll find the idea of five thirty-something, soccer mom types chasing celebrities through the bars of Chicago amusing enough to throw me a bone. No matter what, I think this hunt adds an extra element of fun to the evening that will hopefully push it into the category of legend. So if you've got any helpful information, please share.

I LOVE the stuff people are willing to put up on the internet.

I think this clip speaks for itself.

Wow, a night at home.

K, so check it. It's Friday night and I'm home because there was no rehearsal tonight. It actually feels weird. I was off last Friday, too, and that felt just as weird. Anyway, I'm sitting here drinking a glass of wine (actually, I'm on my second), and I just got off Facebook. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pretty much hooked on Facebook, mainly because of Scramble, which is like Boggle. I am soooooo addicted to that game. I can't stop playing it. What's been really cool is that over the last week or so a few of my fraternity brothers (I was a little sister in a fraternity) from college have friended me. Talk about a blast from the past. Seriously, a couple of these guys I've had no contact with in close to 20 years. That's one thing about modern technology that I just love, the ability to just reconnect like that. Anyway, reconnecting with some of these guys has got me reminiscing a lot lately. College was hella fun and that's all there is to it. The shame is that you just don't realize at the time how much fun it's going to be in comparison to the rest of your life. I'm not saying my life now isn't fun, it's just that it's not the same kind of free fun that you have in college when you can just let loose and not really worry too much about what happens after that. What I wonder a lot now when I look back on those days is why I thought I had to have so much of life figured out. I should have let myself have more fun back then, not tempered myself so much. I mean, I had fun, but I didn't have, like, crazy, stuff of legends fun, if you know what I mean. The one thing I know is that the older I get, I feel like I really don't want to miss out on a good time if there's a good time to be had. Maybe it's because I realize there are precious few times you can just forget about life for a couple of hours. I don't know. It's probably one of the reasons why I'm so happy to be back doing theatre again. I can be a completely different person where the rules of my life just don't apply anymore. It's a liberating experience in a lot of ways. It's a socially acceptable way to kind of try on new skins and live someone else's life for a little while, but with the safety and security of being able to go back to my own life. Beyond that, I've just met some really cool people in the last couple of years. People I can't imagine at this point not knowing. If you're not a "theatre" person, you won't understand what I'm talking about, but theatre people are just special. They're the only people, outside of my family, among whom I can be completely idiotic around and it's all taken in stride for what it is--just fun. Most people, I think, are too threatened by people not sticking to the status quo. Theatre people, I think, live for the odd, which is awesome.

Dang, it's been awhile.

I just realized it was the middle of September last time I posted and I can't even say where half a month has gone. It's because I'm doing a play, which always makes time travel at warp speed. In fact, today is the first day in a couple of weeks that I've gotten to just stick around home and I feel like I've been thrown off balance because of it. You know, like when someone presses on the brake when you're not expecting it. I'm a vampire vixen in Dracula, which is turning out to be good fun. I pretty much get my slut on. There are three vixens altogether, and our main job is to sex up Jonathan Harker, which is harder work than one might imagine. But, hey, someone's gotta do the tough jobs.

I told a guy I work with that he should come watch the play, but when I told him what I'm doing in it, he said he doesn't think he'll be able to watch because he'd laugh the entire time. I don't know if I should be offended or not. I mean, seriously, I can do slutty, unholy bride of Dracula. Weirder things have happened.

Because I just really need some laughs in my life right now.

I don't care what anyone says; Will Ferrell is freaking hysterical.

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Podcast #25

My latest conversation with a new guest. We talk about gymnastics and make-out sessions.

Sigh

Well, we're back from DC. We got back yesterday afternoon. The funeral was nice for as far as something like that can be nice, I mean. We arrived at my parents' house Wednesday evening. My sister and parents weren't there as they were still in Baltimore having dinner after having spent the day finalizing funeral arrangements. When they did get home, it didn't take long until we were all arguing with each other over meaningless shit that always turns into yelling match with us. Basically, my mom thought my sister and I were trying to tell her she was wrong for feeling frustrated with my cousins (my uncle's children) because they didn't take any responsibility for helping with arrangements. My mom and aunt kept asking them for input and they wouldn't tell them anything or give them any help so my mom and aunt made the decisions and then when everything was set, my cousin complained about where they'd chosen to hold the viewing and funeral because he thought it was too far out.

At any rate, my sister and I were just telling our mom that she shouldn't be surprised because neither one of our cousins has ever had to be responsible for anything or assumed responsibility for anything as far as their father was concerned. Why expect it from them now? Not that we were excusing their behavior, but just stating that it's on par with how they've been their entire lives. At any rate, she flew off the handle saying we always treat her like she's stupid, and on and on. It didn't take me long to figure she was just spent from all the running around and felt like taking out her frustrations on someone, but when I told her to stop she just kept screaming at us and then I lost it and told her I was I was tired of it and slammed my hand into the table, and then that really set her off. My reaction wasn't the best, but I am really tired of her always trying to turn an argument around by claiming my siblings and I just think she's stupid and we don't have any respect for her, which isn't the case at all, but she doesn't want to believe us when we tell her it's not true and I don't see the point of wasting energy on the same old shit anymore. You can only bang your head into a wall for so long before you realize nothing's happening other than you end up with a headache. Plus, I couldn't believe we were all sitting around yelling at each other considering why we were all there.

Like I said, I know she was tired and sad and wanted to vent, but I'm a cold-hearted bitch and I'm no one's whipping boy. What are you gonna do? Once that business had exhausted itself, we all went to bed for what amounted to a two-hour nap before we had to wake up to get ready to head to Baltimore for the viewing. We had to get on the road at 5 a.m. to beat rush hour traffic so we could be there by 9:00 a.m. The viewing lasted until 1:00, and then we headed to the church for the funeral mass at 2:00. My sister and I did the readings for that, and an honor guard came at the end to present the flag because my uncle had served in the Army when he was young. Everyone lost it when the played Taps. For me, it was more sad because I realized that's how we'll be ending my father's funeral one day. After mass, we all headed to my aunt's house for food and drink. We didn't get back to parents' house until 8:00 or 9:00 that night. I slept until 11:00 the next morning, which I couldn't believe. I really can't remember the last time I slept that long, but we were all so beat.

There was an open casket at the viewing and seeing my uncle was truly wrenching. He shot himself under the chin, so his face wasn't disfigured or anything, but seeing him lie in his coffin was sad beyond words. Knowing a person and then just seeing the shell of them empty of everything that made them the person they were is just a sad, sad thing. At any rate, we're home now, and I guess more than anything being back in the swing of things just shows how life marches along despite everything and all we can do is march along with it.

It's just another day

It's about 5:00 a.m. and I can't sleep. The clock is set to go off in another hour and then my husband, daughter and I will start getting ready to hit the road to DC to attend my uncle's funeral. My uncle took his life Monday evening. It might be incredibly tacky for me to be writing about this, but I can't help it because I am sadder than I've probably ever been in my life because of this. My Uncle Buck is my father's youngest sibling and for whatever reason, he gave up hope. While I'm heartbroken that he felt he had no other options, I'm mostly torn up by the fact that both my aunt (my father's sister) and my father had to see him lying dead before his body could be taken away.

From what I know, my uncle called my aunt Monday and told her he was going to kill himself. My aunt only lives about seven minutes away from him, but by the time she got to his apartment, he'd already shot himself. She immediately called my father who got there as quickly as he could. He lives about an hour and a half away from them. So they were both present when the coroner came to take away my uncle's body. My sister flew into DC yesterday. Well, really today, because she only arrived around midnight. The funeral is Thursday. The terrible thing about suicide is no one can really know why a person decides that the love they have for all the people in their life just isn't enough to help them want to see the next day. My uncle has been suffering health and emotional problems for a few years now. Are those the reasons he gave up? I don't know. I can only guess that's part of it. All I know is that right now my heart is heavy with sorrow and I can only hope he's finally free of the demons that tormented him. Sleep well, Uncle Buck. I love you.

And now I wait

Well, auditioned Monday night and I think it went OK. Let's just hope reality matches up. I got to read for both Mina and Lucy, which was good. I also had a good time just seeing some friends who I really only get to see when I'm doing something at the theatre. The director also held auditions last night, so now it's just time to wait, which has never been a strong suit of mine. It's at moments like this that I wish I could read minds. I'm pretty sure one of the qualities that fueled my becoming a journalist is that I just hate not knowing. Seriously, I almost physically cannot stand not knowing whatever it is I want to know. I actually get angry if I can't get information that I want. In fact, I've told my husband that unless he can tell me all the details of any story he starts to tell, don't bother telling me because I'll just get really frustrated if I ask questions and he can't answer because he didn't pay attention closely enough. Anyway, everyone keep their fingers crossed for me. Send out all your positive mental energy. Thanks, peeps.

I vant to suck your blood.

Monday evening I'm auditioning for Dracula. I really, really, really want to do this play. Obviously, I'm hoping to be cast as Mina or Lucy since those are the two juicy (no pun intended) female roles. Now, both those characters are in their early twenties and, well, I'm not. I'm hoping I can channel my inner-innocent well enough to fake it. I've wanted to do Dracula ever since I was in high school and saw a production at the college in town. I was completely sucked in by it from beginning to end. And of course, I wanted to jump Dracula's bones by the time the curtain fell. I thought about that play for weeks after watching it. I've always been fascinated with vampire legend and myth for, probably, the same reasons most people are drawn to it: themes of sensuality, sexuality, good vs. evil, and immortality. Vampires are interesting in the monster world because most people don't view them as monsters, I think. For sure, Dracula is evil and embraces that; but at the end of the day, he wants companionship. He could just kill all his victims, but he turns some of them so he won't be lonely, which at the end of the day is probably one of the most basic fears of humankind. None of us really wants to be alone, even if we're bloodsuckers.

I got a dress

OK, so I didn't get any of the four I already showed you. I ended up ordering this one.



It's not as formal as the other dresses I was looking at, but that's OK. I'm sure I'll be able to get more use out of it anyway. So now all I have to worry about is shoes and accessories. Unfortunately, I believe that will require me going to the mall. Shit.

How hard can it be to find a new dress?

When it comes to me, apparently very hard. I'm reading at a friend's wedding next month, so I've been looking for a new dress. I've been looking on the internet because I find I pretty much hate shopping the older I get. But guess what? It's not any easier on the internet. I've bookmarked a couple of things, but I just can't commit. You'd think with the endless choices available on the internet, it would be relatively easy, but my main problem is that I just can't find a style I'm sold on. I'd like a dress that's modest, yet not a freaking nun's habit. Incredibly, those dresses don't seem to exist. It seems the only dresses being made nowadays are strapless or sleeveless or form-fitting or super-short. None of those things work for me.

These are the four front-runners, but I don't know which one to pick. I think it's really between the third and fourth. I just have to pick one and order it.

Are we just too sensitive?

Let me start by saying I don't know who Michael Savage is. He's apparently a radio talk show host somewhere, but I've never heard of him. Anyway, this guy stirred up controversy by claiming on his show earlier this month:

In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don’t have a father around to tell them, `Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don’t sit there crying and screaming, idiot.

Since then, he's been fired, and parents of autistic children all over the place have been decrying his insensitivity. In response, Savage says he made the statement as a way to shine light on the problem of numerous children being inappropriately and wrongfully diagnosed as autistic.

What I find interesting about this situation and other similar situations where people say stupid things in a public forum (think Don Imus, Jessie Jackson), is how frothing-at-the-mouth crazy people get in response. Is this guy a douche? Probably. Were his comments insensitive? Yeah. Do I care? Not really. Now don't get me wrong. I absolutely think people should voice their opinions and displeasure when something like this happens. But do I really think it's appropriate to see people get fired because they've said something ignorant or unpopular? I'm not so sure. When stuff like this happens, I get nervous because I see it as a chisel that chips away a little bit more at our First Amendment right to freedom of speech. Somewhere in this country, I think we've managed to convince ourselves that if someone says something we don't agree with, then they must be punished and silenced. That's a troubling trend, as far as I'm concerned.

Not as good as I remember

Yesterday my daughter wasn't feeling well, so I stayed home with her. Anyway, it's been awhile since I've done a decent grocery run, so lunchtime rolls around and I realize there's nothing really quick and easy around the house for me to eat, or that I want to eat, I should say. I'm routing around the deep recesses of my pantry when I come across a can of Chef Boyardee mini-shells and meatballs that never made its way into my daughter's lunch bag during the school year, so I think, "Cool, Chef Boyardee."

When I was younger, I used to really like Beefaroni a lot and, generally speaking, I always liked any Chef Boyardee product well enough while I was growing up. I can't tell you the last time I've eaten Chef Boyardee, though, because I normally think of it as kid food. But I used to always save meatballs for last because they were the best part of the meal, that much I remember. So I dump the can of shells and meatballs into a bowl and nuke it. When it's done, I sprinkle a little parmesan on top and grab a spoon to dig in. After my first mouthful, I realize the meal does not live up to my expectations. I mean, it wasn't good. I ate it because I was hungry, but it was bland and generally not good. Granted, it wasn't beefaroni, which might still be as good as I remember. But how different can the shells and meatballs be in taste from the beefaroni? It can't be that big of a difference. It comes from the same company. How different are they going to make their various pasta and meatballs meals taste? There was also a faint metallic aftertaste to it. Truthfully, I only ate until I didn't feel hungry anymore, and then I pitched the rest.

I have to say it's sad when you start realizing you just don't have a taste anymore for childhood favorites. Like I used to LOVE Captain Crunch cereal. As an adult, it's just not as tasty to me. I'd really rather have my All-Bran bran buds. It's the truth. I mix the bran buds with vanilla yogurt and fresh blueberries. It's trés delicious. Sigh.

Good for what [f]ails ya.

Scientists: Watermelon yields Viagra-like effects

By BETSY BLANEY, Associated Press Writer

LUBBOCK, Texas - A slice of cool, fresh watermelon is a juicy way to top off a Fourth of July cookout and one that researchers say has effects similar to Viagra — but don't necessarily expect it to keep the fireworks all night long.
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Watermelons contain an ingredient called citrulline that can trigger production of a compound that helps relax the body's blood vessels, similar to what happens when a man takes Viagra, said scientists in Texas, one of the nation's top producers of the seedless variety.

Found in the flesh and rind of watermelons, citrulline reacts with the body's enzymes when consumed in large quantities and is changed into arginine, an amino acid that benefits the heart and the circulatory and immune systems.

"Arginine boosts nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels, the same basic effect that Viagra has, to treat erectile dysfunction and maybe even prevent it," said Bhimu Patil, a researcher and director of Texas A&M's Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center. "Watermelon may not be as organ-specific as Viagra, but it's a great way to relax blood vessels without any drug side effects."

Todd Wehner, who studies watermelon breeding at North Carolina State University, said anyone taking Viagra shouldn't expect the same result from watermelon.

"It sounds like it would be an effect that would be interesting but not a substitute for any medical treatment," Wehner said.

The nitric oxide can also help with angina, high blood pressure and other cardiovascular problems, according to the study, which was paid for by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

More citrulline — about 60 percent — is found in watermelon rind than in the flesh, Patil said, but that can vary. But scientists may be able to find ways to boost the concentrations in the flesh, he said.

Citrulline is found in all colors of watermelon and is highest in the yellow-fleshed types, said Penelope Perkins-Veazie, a USDA researcher in Lane, Okla.

She said Patil's research is valid, but with a caveat: One would need to eat about six cups of watermelon to get enough citrulline to boost the body's arginine level.

"The problem you have when you eat a lot of watermelon is you tend to run to the bathroom more," Perkins-Veazie said.

Watermelon is a diuretic and was a homeopathic treatment for kidney patients before dialysis became widespread.

Another issue is the amount of sugar that much watermelon would spill into the bloodstream — a jolt that could cause cramping, Perkins-Veazie said.

Patil said he would like to do future studies on how to reduce the sugar content in watermelon.

The relationship between citrulline and arginine might also prove helpful to those who are obese or suffer from type-2 diabetes. The beneficial effects — among them the ability to relax blood vessels, much like Viagra does — are beginning to be revealed in research.

Citrulline is present in other curcubits, like cucumbers and cantaloupe, at very low levels, and in the milk protein casein. The highest concentrations of citrulline are found in walnut seedlings, Perkins-Veazie said.

"But they're bitter and most people don't want to eat them," she said.

I find this story interesting mainly because I once had a fraternity brother tell me and another little sister about how he and his friends used to screw watermelons in the field when they were boys. He told us how the watermelons made wonderful fuck toys because they'd get nice and warm from baking in the sun. So these inventive kids would bore holes into the melons and then insert their penises for some sexy times. Apparently, it's almost like the real thing. However, not as much as the real thing as the time he screwed a cow. After that story, I pretty much stayed as far away from that dude as possible. After all, what if there's a dick version of mad cow disease. I didn't need to see that shit.

The show is over.

Here's the cast photo from A Flea in Her Ear, which I just finished. I'm the maid...again. I don't know why I keep ending up as the maid. At any rate, it was a really fun show with lots of door slamming and sexual innuendo. Just the way I like it. The cast was a great bunch of people, except for one person who found the need to try and direct everyone. My general thought is if you want to direct, then volunteer to direct a show; otherwise, keep your half-wit pie hole shut tight as a seal's anus. However, even that didn't keep most of the people from enjoying themselves. Next time I'm in a play, I will contrive to kill the maid.

I need my fix. I'm hurting here.

K, so I just finished watching the season three finale for Supernatural, which is the latest show I've discovered on the Internet and have become addicted to watching. See, I don't have a schedule that allows me to watch network television like normal people, and if it weren't for the internet, I wouldn't be able to watch anything other than the kids programming that's usually showing on our boob tube. Anyway, I'll find a show and watch it all the way through until I'm caught up to the current episode. So I spend several days or weeks watching a show and then all of a sudden it's over and then I have to start waiting a week like everyone else. What's funny about watching shows this way is that you get so used to watching these characters, you start feeling like they're people you really know because you end up seeing them practically everyday. Then when there's nothing left to watch, there's just this void. This is where I am with Supernatural. It's the same way I ended up feeling when I watched all of Dexter and Psych, too. Seriously, I think this is what withdrawal must be like because I feel sad, like I've lost something. Of course, I could always go back and rewatch episodes, but it's just not the way I do things. And since it's summer, I've got to wait until the fall to start up with any of these shows. All I can say is, "Aaaarrgh!!!!"

It's good to know these things.

This is a picture of the new dog food I bought for my pooch. I mainly bought it for the name: Hunk of Beef. How can you pass up a can of dog food that proclaims itself to be Hunk of Beef? The only way they could have made it better would have been to name it Hunk o' Beef. At any rate, my dog sucked this stuff down like it was crack cocaine, as I imagined she would. So, I started reading the label to see if it really was hunk of beef in the can and I noticed this interesting bit of information.



Here, let me blow it up for you in case you're missing it.



You see it circled in red there? This dog food is kosher, which is really, really good to know because I would not want my dog offending God with the food she eats. Now, as far as I can see, there are only two logical reasons for this dog food to be kosher, either it really does matter what one's dog eats at Passover or the company is telling Jewish people they can serve up this fine cuisine for Seder. Neither explanation sits very well with me. However, I did also notice that up in the high left-hand corner the label says the food is not intended for human consumption, so I guess it's all about having holy dog, which is God spelled backward. I smell conspiracy.

Loves it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dang, I wish I came up with that prank. More secrets here.

What kind of GD sickness is at work here?

http://medicaladoptions.com/index.php

Apparently, this is an organization that arranges adoptions for people who need organs. I don't know about you, but this is all kinds of warped and twisted to me. These children are being bartered like sacks of grain if you ask me. I only hope this website is a joke. A sick, disgusting joke, but a joke is better than thinking people actually do this.

Podcast #24

I must say goodbye to another one of my beautiful girls. Life is so cruel, but not nearly as cruel as the the dirt we dish.


powered by ODEO

My Chinese Horoscope from Facebook

"Don't try to repress your sexual fantasies; you'll need them to sustain and intensify your libido."


Excellent. I'm ordering the nipple clamps right now.

The best Mother's Day gift of all.

This is the card my daughter gave me this morning. As you can see, my daughter really, really understands my needs. It's moments like this that make me feel like I'm doing my job right.

It's true. I am brutal.

Your Score: Capitalist Pig

You are 71% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.

You are the Capitalist Pig! This means that you are less emotional than most, focusing more on logic. You are also more selfish, greedy, and care very little for the well-being of others, hence you probably hold capitalistic political views. This also means that you are particularly swinish, willing to grouse in any amount of shit for your own gain, and obese with greed. You are also an extrovert, like most of the people in the hallmark capitalistic country of America. Despite these traits, you are surprisingly not very arrogant, tending to view yourself as equal to others, just like the principle of Democracy in America. Which seems strange given that you are so mean and brutal to others at times. But despite your intentions to see others as equal, and to not be an arrogant twat, it must always be remembered that while all animals are created equal, some are more equal than others--the pigs being more equal. So while you may not be full of yourself, you certainly don't treat others with the respect they deserve. So like any farmyard pig, you are greedy, noisy, and don't care about others. The only difference between you and a pig is that you are more rational and intelligent. In conclusion, your personality defect is that you are a bit too logical, rather unemotional, way too extroverted, and also very brutal in regards to others. You may even be a bit insecure about yourself, little piggy. But at least you're not a platypus. It must suck to be a platypus, you know? All those identity issues.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Take a bite out of crime.

I watched a really interesting movie last night called Teeth. It's a comic horror movie about a teenage girl who finds she is in possession of vagina dentata, or vaginal teeth. The movie was really well done, in my opinion, and the acting was wonderful. Now, before watching this movie I'd never heard of vagina dentata, but it turns out to be a fairly common myth that appears in many cultures. Most people seem to attribute the origins of this myth to a male fear of intercourse and female sexuality. It would appear, reading these explanations, that men harbor some kind of real, deep-seeded dread that anytime they have sex with a woman, they're going to pull back a bloody nub instead of a penis. I, of course, find this all hysterical--probably because I'm an evil bitch at my very core. At any rate, the movie basically uses the myth to explore the heroine's burgeoning (and poorly understood) sexuality. She is a virgin who leads a local group of young people who pledge abstinence until marriage. However, her sacred vow is put to the test when she meets a new boy in town who fills her feelings she just doesn't understand. Unfortunately, during a romantic swim at a local watering hole, the boy becomes overwhelmed with his own lust and rapes her. This is when, to her horror (and especially the boy's) the heroine learns of her extra set of choppers. Let me just say part of what makes this film really funny is its commitment to showing all the gory details. I think you get what I mean. Traumatized by what has happened, the heroine attempts to come to grips with and comprehend her unique anatomy; however, not before other unscrupulous men (including a less-than-professional gynecologist) learn her secret the hard way. Go watch this film. It's good. It's hysterical. It's heartbreaking, but not for the reasons you might think. I give it two thumbs up.

Evolution of Dance

I don't know who this guy is, but he's freaking funny as hell.

Happy Anniversary to me.

I just realized that his month marks the five-year anniversary of this blog. That's amazing to me because it sure as hell doesn't seem like I've been posting to this thing for five years. I'm going to say the main reason for that is due to the fact that my life seems exactly the same as it did five years ago. Damn, I've gotta shake things up. I'm going to Vegas. Blogger should give me some kind of prize like a gold watch, or a free computer, or a million dollars or something. Yo, Blogger!!! Give me something!

Are you lying?

Interesting article on a study where researchers studied emotional reaction on a person's face.

Lying? Your face will give you away: study

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Liars might think they are good at covering up their deceit but a new Canadian study shows there's one thing they can't control that will give them away -- flashes of emotion in their faces.


Researchers at Dalhousie University's Forensic Psychology Lab in Halifax conducted the first detailed study on the secrets revealed when people put on a false face or inhibit various emotions, and found their faces told the truth.

But instead of clues like shifty eyes or sweaty brows, their expression would crack briefly, allowing displays of true emotions such as happiness, sadness, disgust and fear to come through.

"Unlike body language, you can't monitor or completely control what's going on your face," Stephen Porter, who worked on the research, said in a statement.

The researchers, who reported their findings in journal Psychological Science, examined the case of Canadian Michael White who sobbed as he made a public appeal for the return of his missing pregnant wife Liana White in July 2005.

But three days later, flashes of anger broke through his sadness and he said he was so frustrated with the police that he was going to find his wife himself, leading volunteer searchers directly to her body in a ditch on the outskirts of Edmonton.

He was charged and convicted of second-degree murder.

When Porter and his team analyzed White's plea frame by frame, they found hints of anger and disgust in his face, not noticed by most of the public.

The researchers also studied adult who were asked to view images that ranged from happy (puppies playing) to fearful (a close-up of open-mouthed rabid dog) and disgusting (a severed hand).

They were told to respond with genuine or deceptive expressions and their reactions recorded.

Porter said no one was able to falsify emotions perfectly. Some emotions were harder to fake than others. Happiness was easier to fake than disgust or fear.

Personally, I'm the perfect liar because I always think what I say is true. Really.

What is this chick doing to herself?

Let this picture serve as a cautionary tale to those of you interested in "trying" drugs. Do you really want to look like this? It is such a shame that someone as talented as Amy Winehouse is basically pissing away her life on this shit. Seriously, look at her. It's just a damn, dirty shame.

Go watch this movie.

I think Ben Stein should win an Oscar just for making this film because he addresses the very important issue of freedom of speech in academia, which more and more means freedom to speak as long as it agrees with the liberal bias found on most American college campuses these days. His movie specifically addresses the hostile environment awaiting any academic or researcher interested in exploring intelligent design, but it could really be addressing almost any arena within an academic environment. Here's the link to the movie site.

http://www.expelledthemovie.com/playground.php

Now, I have no problem with people wanting to promote Darwinism or evolution, but I am dismayed that those who believe in creationism or intelligent design are branded ignorant and superstitious. For myself, I believe evolution is creationism, meaning I believe God created life and that evolution represents how that life has adapted to existence on this planet. But that one group should actively attempt to extinguish another contrary group within an "open marketplace of ideas" is disgusting to me. I have no desire to eliminate any person with views different than mine, and I would expect the same respect. Anyway, go watch this movie.

I'm outie.

My daughter and I are hitting the road for DC tomorrow. She's on Spring Break, so we're going to visit the rents. My husband is staying home because he doesn't have enough vacation to go now and do the two weeks we're planning this summer. We're also taking the dog, which should be interesting only because we'll have to leave her in the car by herself when we stop. The little mutt has a very unpleasant habit of evacuating some part of her body when left in the car alone, so I pray we don't find any surprises after returning from our potty breaks. You know what I wonder? I wonder if Dave Matthews is some kind of male nympho because I realized today that, like, ALL of his songs are about sex, have sex in them, or fantasize of upcoming sex. I'm not a prude or anything, but it's nice to have a larger repertoire to draw from. Know what I'm saying? I love Dave Matthews, so I'd like to see him stretch a little. My brother started working for Microsoft a few days ago, so I told him when he meets Bill Gates to have him pass a message on to Dave for me, telling him we should hang out or something. You know, because I think Dave Matthews lives in Seattle now and they're probably neighbors.

Happy April Fool's Day

Here are some prank videos to keep you entertained today, because if you don't laugh at least once today, you're pretty much a loser.

I don't doubt it.

This story was posted on the TimesOnline.

Sleeping apart; the key to a happy marriage

Simon Crompton

A Californian woman divorced her husband last month because he played computer games at night and slept during the day; another faced jail after stabbing and beating her husband because of his snoring. Both examples are tragic-comic glimpses into a serious but rarely discussed minefield for couples: sleep incompatibility.

Research by the Sleep Council has found that half of us are regularly woken about six times a night by our partners, particularly if they snore or fidget. Dr Chris Alford, a sleep psychologist from the University of the West of England, says that “sleep conflicts” often will result in relationship conflicts. The problem is so great that more people seem to be taking to single beds. The Sleep Council says that one in four of us regularly retreats to a spare room or sofa for a refreshing night's sleep, and the National Association of Home Builders predicts that by 2015 more than 60 per cent of custom-built houses will have dual master bedrooms.

This is the right approach, say an increasing number of psychologists and sleep experts. In a 24/7 world where sleep is increasingly precious, single beds may represent the future.

Snoring is the most obvious source of bedtime tensions. About a quarter of us - 15million people - are snorers, according to the British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea Association, and may be depriving their partners of two hours sleep a night. Then there's wrestling for the duvet, kicking during dreams and restless leg syndrome, a condition that becomes increasingly common as we grow older.

Outside the bed, different sleep cycles can be just as disruptive, as Mr and Mrs Millard demonstrate (see right). Every one of us has a different body clock with some of us preferring the early hours (known by sleep experts as larks) and some late nights (owls).

A small study of sleeping partners by the University of Wisconsin concluded that the greatest sleep-induced tensions occurred when one partner was a lark, the other an owl. The amount of time available for them to communicate and enjoy each other's company may be compromised as a result - unless one tries to change his or her natural inclinations.

What can couples do? Only so much - at least if you're a heterosexual couple. Sleep conflicts seem to be bound up with fundamental biological and behavioural differences between the sexes. For example, when Professor Jim Horne, the director of the Loughborough University Sleep Research Centre, attached movement monitors to men and women sleepers, he found that men moved much more than women and were far more likely to disturb women than the other way round. This was confirmed recently in a study, reported in the journal Sleep and Biological Rhythms, that found that women benefited far more from sleeping alone than men. They seemed to sleep more easily through disturbance.

Curves and bad vibrations

Sammy Margo, the author of The Good Sleep Guide, published next week, points to other fundamental differences. “Hormonal fluctuations because of the menstrual cycle can disrupt sleep. And women with curves have different mattress needs from men.” A man's extra weight can mean, for instance, that any movement is likely to rebound through a double mattress, while their partner is unlikely to produce such reverberations.

Male assertiveness also seems to play a part. Research from Surrey University has found that women tend to let their partners snore, while men are more likely to give an admonitory prod.

Whichever way you look at it, women come off worse, especially if you take into account that they are more likely to wake up in response to children crying. However, Margo believes that couples shouldn't despair. Her new book aims to provide practical solutions for people with sleep problems.

Her tips for a successful night's sleep are partly based on helping both partners to sleep better through changes to diet and daytime habits, but also on trying to synchronise waking and sleeping patterns. But she says that any couple with severe sleep conflicts should consider separate beds, although this is something people don't like talking about. “When couples first start sleeping together, they are willing to sacrifice comfort to be close to their partner. After a while, when emotional closeness is assured, many just want to have a good night's sleep again. This isn't selfish, distant or unromantic; it's just practical,” she says.

Professor Horne agrees that if you're having sleep problems, separate mattresses are worth considering, and adds that he is encountering more and more couples with separate beds.

Sharing a bed is a "curious British norm"

Rob Meadow, a sociologist from Surrey University who has studied the relationship between sleep and gender, points out that a shared bed is a curiously British norm. “It's very interesting why couples feel the need to go to bed at the same time and in the same place,” he says. “It's societally defined. One couple told me they'd tried sleeping in separate rooms two days a week to catch up on sleep. When their teenage children came back from university they were convinced their parents were about to divorce.”

All the advice from relationship experts is that sleeping separately can be the sign of a strongly bonded couple communicating their needs. But if you're worried that it might impair your love life, take some advice from Queen Victoria. Like most affluent Victorians, she had a separate bedroom from her husband. But any night she wished Prince Albert to enter her room, she left a bowl of oranges outside her door. They apparently appeared nearly every night.

I definitely know my husband and I end up bothering each other at night. He snores very loudly and I sometimes have to wear earplugs if I want to get any sleep. Conversely, I sometimes like to read in bed, but he says he can't sleep if the light is on. I don't have a problem falling asleep with the light on, so if he wants to read, there's no problem for him. And either one of us will periodically go sleep on the couch to get some sleep. What are people supposed to do?

OMG

Every now and again something so brilliant and awe-inspiring comes along that it simply MUST be shared with the world. This is one of those things. Damn, I wish I could get Bulgarian Idol.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

via videosift.com
Have a great day, and don't drink and drive. Have a drink for me, though, because I'm home with a sick kid today.

Let's play tag.

Here are the rules:

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play

My greatest creation speaks for itself.

Tag courtesy of Dantallion, who didn't actually tag anyone, so I won't either, but feel free to play along if you'd like.

I am a lazy slob.

I had all the best intentions of finishing assembling the bookshelf I started on yesterday. But it's 7:38 pm and I haven't done any of it. Or, I should say, I haven't done any more of it. Of course, I wouldn't have to do it at all if my husband hadn't moved the old bookcase up to our bedroom, leaving a bunch of orphaned books and knick knacks on our couch that now need a new home. I spent just about the entire day reading a romance novel. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before, but I read romance novels...a lot. I've always enjoyed them, and I know as an "educated" woman I'm supposed to be embarrassed about that, but I really don't care. I like 'em. In particular, I like historical romance, primarily set during Regency Era England. Mainly because I like Jane Austen...a lot. I have to confess what threw me off my construction plans, though, was daylight savings time. After I'd come out of the shower this morning, preparing to got to 12:15 mass (the last mass of the day), my husband came up the stairs and asked, "What did we forget to do?" I thought he was talking about going to 10:30 mass because he'd said that's what he wanted to do, so I said I hadn't forgotten, just figured we'd only get it together in time for 12:15 mass as usual. Then he asked, "No, what did we forget to do that involves time?" And then I remembered daylight savings and realized 12:15 mass was 30 minutes away and that we'd never make it in time, so we missed mass. Once I knew we'd missed mass, I figured the day was already blown to hell, so I'd just read my book. Despite the change in plans, I can't complain.

The fame that almost was.

About two weeks ago, I got a phone call from a guy asking if I'd be interested in filming a commercial for a local furniture store. He told me he'd called the civic theatre where I've been doing stuff for the last year asking for a comedic actress, and they gave him my name, which was cool. I was really flattered that they'd think of me. At any rate, he sent me the script and after I read it, I told him I'd do it. Anyway, we were supposed to film it tomorrow, but it seems the guy who owns the store can't make up his mind about which commercial he wants to do and, at this point, the commercial I was supposed to do is on hold indefinitely. Me, personally, I'm not all that torn up about it, but I think the few people I'd told about it were looking forward to seeing the commercial. The only thing I'm a little sad about is that I was going to totally try and finagle a new recliner out of the deal instead of a paycheck. A new recliner would have been AWESOME.

Why do men care?

I went out with some friends of mine from Forum Friday night and we talked about our relationships, which is what women do. We got started on it mainly because we were discussing the circumstances surrounding why one of our group got divorced. Anyway, that led to all of us mentioning difficult times we've had in our own relationships. I happened to mention this to my husband the following morning and he immediately got this closed up sort of look on his face, letting me know he wasn't pleased. He said he wasn't mad, but that men just don't like having their relationships discussed. I don't know if this is true, but if it is, why is that the case? Why would men care that women discuss their relationships? I wouldn't care if my husband talked to his friends about it. I mean, if we don't talk to our friends about it, who are we going to talk to about it? It has been my experience that most men would rather have their fingernails ripped out with pliers than be forced to talk about the state of the union with their significant others. This isn't something that's really bothering me or anything, I just think it's a weird thing for a person to get their panties in a bunch about.

I am totally a superhero

So I added this application on Facebook that makes me a superhero. My name is Tremor because my primary power is terrakenisis, which means I can basically move earth with my mind. Anyway, I'm kind of hooked on it. I only wish I could be a real superhero. When I was little I used to spend a lot of time imagining I had super powers, so I'm sure this is all sort of a carry over from that period in my life. But I love the idea of fighting bad guys and protecting the innocent. I have to fess up that I was originally a bad guy when I first received my super power, but I'm good now, so it's all good now. But even if I would have had to stay bad, it would have been fine since everyone knows it's the bad guys that get to have all the fun.

God, it's cold.

You know, I don't know why I live here. I can't stand the cold. My face is still freezing from the walk to my office, and I've been inside a good hour now. Maybe I have frostbite. Figures. Some of the gals from Forum are going out for a girls night this Friday and I'm really looking forward to it. I think we're going to go to a piano bar in town. I've only ever been to a piano bar once, and it was just a few weeks ago. It was OK. We'll see how this new one is because it's supposedly better than the one I went to. The thing about being in a play is that you're with people almost constantly for a couple of months and then all of a sudden, it's over and those people are just gone from your daily life. I think the reason people end up with post-show blues is because of that. It's almost like losing an entire family of people in one day. Anyway, those of us getting together shared a dressing room, so we spent a lot of time talking and stuff like that, so it'll be fun to get up to some shenanigans.

Out of whack

Yesterday my daughter's school closed down because of the temperature, so I stayed home with her and now I'm all out of whack. I keep thinking it's Monday, but it's Tuesday, which is good in some ways because that means the week is closer to being done than if it actually were Monday. But that doesn't help to keep me out of whack.

Got the dog groomed over the weekend and they cut her hair very short. I didn't even know her hair could be cut so short. Anyway, they basically gave her a schnauzer cut. She looks cute but I don't think I like the hair being left long on her legs. I think it would have been better if they just cut her short everywhere except the beard. I know. You find this analysis of my dog's haircut fascinating. I should include a picture so you can see what I'm talking about.

Does anyone know how to unstick a trumpet mouthpiece? My daughter's mouthpiece is solidly wedged into her trumpet and we can't get it out, which means she can't store it in its case. She told me that even two college boys couldn't get it out, so that should give you some indication of how stuck this thing really is. She claims she didn't jam it in or anything, but that sucker is not moving. If any of you have any suggestions, I'm open to them all. Except ones that invole bizarre sexual practices.

Waitress

I watched the movie Waitress last night and I have to say that I really enjoyed it, but in an odd kind of way. It just made me think a lot about what we settle for in life and how we sometimes make ourselves ignore that we never have to settle. The lady who wrote and directed the movie said she made it as sort of a love letter to her own daughter because the story sort of reflects some of the things she was feeling when she was pregnant. In the end, it's a baby that makes the protagonist in the movie realize that life can be what she wants it to be and that she's not subject to circumstances outside of her control. Anyway, give it a look.

Another random IM conversation with my brother

Bro: whats up!

Me: not much

what's up with you

nothing much

did you watch the superbowl?

I didn't, but I know the Giants wons
won, which makes me secretly happy because ever since Tom Brady knocked up Bridget Moynihan and dumped her, I don't think he deserves to have good things happen to him


I'm very glad that the giants won
I think its awesome that Tom Brady got beat by a manning two years in a row
he hates that family

I know
he's probably got Manning voodoo dolls

I think that girl he dumped should really try to date payton Manning
and Payton should be a total father figure to the child
and the kid should like call Payton Manning Dad
in front of Tom Brady

Well, I think Payton manning is married, so she can't date him

dang

but it would be funny if Payton became like the father figure

ok there is always Eli

if he were like, I'm going to take the little guy under my wing

yeah totally
like an adoptive father

yeah
and then tom brady's son would be be like, you're not my father

and Sportscenter did a whole piece on them

papa payton is my real father

totally
on national tv
he's be like Payton is like my dad I love him!

he's the one who taught me how to throw a football, not you
you were too busy screwing super models
I hate you, I hate you, I hate you

totally

And then his son could go around wearing a Colts jersey all the time

Yes!
and had his name legally changed to Manning

yeah
and then his son would be like, I want my daddy to be a winner, not a loser

ha ha ha
How awesome would that be!!!

Super awesome, not to mention incredibly poetic

yes
You are right Payton is married
to a girl named Ashley

Plus, since that Gisele chick or whatever didn't even want his son to be born on his due date because it was the same day as her birthday

what?
I don't know about that
whats that all about?

Which is completely stupid because it's like his son is going to be in his life for the rest of his life, how long do you think you're going to be in his life
yeah, because if the baby came on his due date, then Tom Brady would have to be at the hospital and not with her or something like that

did she say this in the press or something?

well, it was covered in the press around the time the baby was due to be born

oh
how old is the baby
do you know?

like a month, a couple of months, something like that
maybe more like a few months
do a google search

It must be subliminal.

I just totally impulse bought the Bender ball and DVD because I saw a commercial for it on VH1. I don't ever impulse buy and that is not any kind of exaggeration, so the commercial was obviously laced with subliminal messages convincing me to buy it. Hopefully, it will work.

Why?

What made me decide coming into work was worth it with six inches of snow on the ground and a steady build up of more? I really don't know. The problem is I only live a few minutes from work so I figure nothing is ever that big of a deal. I didn't even have the excuse of getting up to get my daughter to school because all the schools closed down because of the weather. And even though I only live a short distance away, it was not easy getting in. I had to drive really slow and concentrate pretty seriously on not losing control of the car because snow removal in Indiana sucks big donkey dick. I've never lived anyplace that gets the amount of snow this place gets where snow removal is so pathetic. I went to high school in Utah and those people know how to get it up off the streets. They use snow cats. But every year it's the same thing. The local governments always act like they're surpised at the amount of snow and then are left scrambling to try and keep pace. I'm sure part of it is that they don't have a large enough force to deal with the volume, but that's idiotic, too. It fucking snows in Indiana and it gets fucking cold, that means make sure you've got the resources to take care of business. It seems pretty straight-forward and logical to me, but that's probably why I'm not a politician. I've got too much common sense.

Over.

The show is over. And now I can get my life back. Thank God. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time and got to meet some cool new people, but I am so happy to put this show behind me. The next thing I'm looking to audition for is Dracula, which they're going to run in October and November, so that gives me a nice long break.

I totally got carded Saturday night when a few of us went out after the show. That was pretty awesome. I don't know if this place just makes it a rule to card everyone, but I'm going to pretend that the bouncer really wanted to see mine.

Ha, ha.

Here's funny video of Jerry O'Connell making fun of the Tom Cruise Scientology videos. Trust me, it's funny.

Meme

K, Dantallion tagged me with this meme so I'm doing it. On a separate note, I absolutely cannot believe Heath Ledger is dead. That one really shocked the crap out of me.

Now, on to the meme.

-Link to the person that tagged you.
-Post the rules on your blog.
-Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
-Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
-Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1 - I'm a procrastinator.

2 - I yell at people in traffic.

3 - I bury my anger deep down until I can't hold it in any longer and then explode.

4 - I can hold a grudge for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time.

5 - I've always been sad that my bellybutton is now scarred from the endoscopy I underwent when I couldn't get pregnant because I always thought I had a cute bellybutton before.

6 - I really am a bitch.

I tag Leigh, Jody, Mike, Ed, Rick, and Sherri.

Crazy, crazy, crazy

That describes my life lately, and why I haven't been able to post in a while. We just opened A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and we're on break until Thursday night when it all starts up again. This show has a three week run, but there's always the possibility they'll extend if the turnout is strong. Anyway, if I'm not at rehearsal or a performance, I'm working or carting around my daughter to her engagements, so it's been a pretty jam-packed schedule since we've returned from vacation. It's all good, it just doesn't give one much time to stop and think. At any rate, we got a really nice review for the show, which is always gratifying and now we just have to make sure we keep delivering every night. My husband mentioned Saturday, though, after I'd done two shows and was completely beat, that it makes sense to see how actors get addicted to drugs. Not that I'm condoning it, but I can see how they start taking a little something to keep the energy up, and then next thing you know, you're Britney Spears being strapped to a gurney and rolled out of your house on national television.

Back in the hizzie.

K, I'm back. Let the revelry begin. It's so nice to be back in South Bend and have to deal with a foot of snow. Really. I mean it. Ugh. And it's so funny how we didn't hit any snow on our way back until we crossed into Indiana. Anyway, we're working with a wind chill of four degrees right now. I'm going to haul my sorry ass outside pretty soon to brush off the satellite dish because we haven't been able to get a signal for two days. That's almost an eternity. I really like the price of satellite compared to cable, but it bites when the weather screws up reception. Had a pretty good holiday, though. It was good to be back in DC. We went to the spy museum and acted out our James Bond fantasies. It was cool. I embarrassed my daughter, though, because every time I entered a room, I plastered myself up against a wall until I knew the location was secure. Kids, they just don't know how to have fun. My dog is cute. Just had to say that because I looked over at where she's sleeping on the couch and she's just so precious. Looking at her makes my insides go all mushy. K, I'm gonna eat breakfast and then shovel snow.