It's just another day

It's about 5:00 a.m. and I can't sleep. The clock is set to go off in another hour and then my husband, daughter and I will start getting ready to hit the road to DC to attend my uncle's funeral. My uncle took his life Monday evening. It might be incredibly tacky for me to be writing about this, but I can't help it because I am sadder than I've probably ever been in my life because of this. My Uncle Buck is my father's youngest sibling and for whatever reason, he gave up hope. While I'm heartbroken that he felt he had no other options, I'm mostly torn up by the fact that both my aunt (my father's sister) and my father had to see him lying dead before his body could be taken away.

From what I know, my uncle called my aunt Monday and told her he was going to kill himself. My aunt only lives about seven minutes away from him, but by the time she got to his apartment, he'd already shot himself. She immediately called my father who got there as quickly as he could. He lives about an hour and a half away from them. So they were both present when the coroner came to take away my uncle's body. My sister flew into DC yesterday. Well, really today, because she only arrived around midnight. The funeral is Thursday. The terrible thing about suicide is no one can really know why a person decides that the love they have for all the people in their life just isn't enough to help them want to see the next day. My uncle has been suffering health and emotional problems for a few years now. Are those the reasons he gave up? I don't know. I can only guess that's part of it. All I know is that right now my heart is heavy with sorrow and I can only hope he's finally free of the demons that tormented him. Sleep well, Uncle Buck. I love you.