What's it all about?

I've been thinking a lot lately about life. It's certainly been prompted somewhat by my uncle's recent suicide, but some things that happened during the course of Dracula (which closed Nov. 2) have got me thinking, too. Added to all this, a woman who was very involved with the theatre and well-loved by many of the other volunteers (I was really only an acquaintance.) passed away recently after having battled cancer for most of the year. She was only 48 and leaves behind a husband and two teenage daughters. At any rate, I find myself thinking a lot about where I've been and where I think I'm going.

For the first time since my daughter was born, I'm starting to feel awake again. Maybe it's because of getting involved with theatre and having that creative outlet. I do know I've started feeling like myself again since I've started up with the acting. Maybe it's because my daughter is getting to an age of more self-sufficiency and I can step back and breathe a bit more and separate myself from her a little. It's probably a combination of those things, really. All I know is that in some ways I feel like I'm standing on a cliff looking over the landscape of my life. Not in a bad way or anything. It's not as if I feel like jumping off the cliff. It's all good. I think I'm at an age where I can see I'm still young enough to experience and accomplish things that I want to, but old enough to know that I better start doing them now because time just goes too quickly and there's no such thing as forever.

One of the things that I'm really determined to do is have more fun. I'm someone who has spent a good portion of my life putting off fun because it didn't seem like the rational or practical thing to do, either because of low funds, or bad timing, or having to get up early, or whatever. I know now I'd rather have the memories. To that end, some friends of mine and I are heading into Chicago tomorrow for a girls weekend. The impetus behind the trip is the Supernatural convention that's being held there. The two stars are appearing on Sunday, so I suggested to that we go in Saturday so that we could go out for the evening and then hit the convention the next day before heading home. However, I foolishly underestimated how many other people would want to see Jared and Jensen and according to the convention website, all general admission tickets are sold out. Rather, they've stopped internet sales and there might be tickets available at the door on a first come, first served basis, but I obviously can't count on being able to get in now. This wouldn't really be a problem in the whole scheme of things if one of our group hadn't had the good sense to order her ticket online some time ago. So she can get in, but I feel bad about her having to go in by herself because what kind of fun is that going to be. So I've contrived to try and figure out where the boys are staying in Chicago so we can accidentally "bump" into them and get a picture.

I've been trying to tap everyone I know in an attempt to orchestrate this encounter. I've got a hotel name, which may or may not be true. I'm about to call up the Chicago Tribune to see if I can get any information out of their entertainment reporter. I'm hoping they'll find the idea of five thirty-something, soccer mom types chasing celebrities through the bars of Chicago amusing enough to throw me a bone. No matter what, I think this hunt adds an extra element of fun to the evening that will hopefully push it into the category of legend. So if you've got any helpful information, please share.