August 31, 2005

Achy, breaky stomach

It's dark, I'm sitting here typing and my little daughter is in my bed complaining of an upset stomach. She's been complaining about the stomach since yesterday, but there doesn't seem to be any rational reason for the pain. She doesn't need to vomit, doesn't need to poop, isn't nervous about anything, isn't hungry. I gave her a little, itty bit of motrin just to induce a placebo effect in her. The fact that she seems so confident medicine will make her feel better also makes me wonder about what's going on. Having once been a medical journalist, I feel quite confident in my ability to diagnose any sort of ailment and I'm always ready to start poking and prodding in my quest for a diagnosis. So when she started complaining of the stomach, I started pressing her stomach in various places to see where it hurt. She would complain of it hurting when I pressed in around her bellybutton, but it's not like she reacted in a violent way, so I don't know how much of that is really of any concern. My conclusion? I don't know what the hell is wrong with her. I think it's somewhat psychosomatic. She's complained of mysterious stomach aches in the past and I took her in to the doctor to figure out why she was having this problem. They did urine tests and blood tests and didn't find anything. Even though she says she's not nervous about anything, I think she just generally spends most of her day worrying about shit, which is what leads to these physical manifestations of emotional instability. I worry all the time, so I think it's a genetic thing.

Ah, and now she's asleep. Kids are funny when they sleep because they look so innocent. I think she's the most beautiful when she sleeps. Her face always looks so serene and I get lost in looking at her. I think it's the only time I can hold onto her in a way that belongs just to me. When she's awake, she never just lets me look at her. Anytime I stare at her longer than ten seconds, I get the whole, "What?" routine. But when she's sleeping, I can stare as long as I want and be amazed by the fact that I brought something as beautiful as her into this world. It's probably the only truly wonderous thing I've done in my life. Well, that and sucking the life force from my husband like sweet marrow.

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