June 30, 2005

Stories that make me laugh every time. Vol. 2

Wet Ones
This story probably is only funny to me and my siblings, but I'm going to tell it to you, anyway.

During one of my family's numerous cross-country treks to relocate to a new duty station for my father, my mother bought a container of Wet Ones to keep in the car for easy clean-ups. Wet Ones are the pre-moistened wipes that come in a round container and are impossible to pull out without ripping to shreds. It should really be called Wet Confetti. On this particular trip my brother was about seven, my sister eleven and I twelve. My mother's skill at "saving" is pretty legendary in our household. She saves everything: margarine bowls, aluminum foil, grocery bags, etc. This compulsion to save goes hand-in-hand with her not small loathing toward wasting anything. My mother decided one container of Wet Ones was all that was needed to travel from one coast to the other of this great country, and that damn well better be enough.

She turned to look back at us three in the backseat and warned: "Only use one of these when you need to. Don't take them out and play with them or anything else. I don't want you to waste them."

"OK," we all meekly responded.

About two hours went by before my brother, whose limitless curiosity usually got him into some kind of trouble several times a day, decided it was time to check out the Wet Ones. This is not a consumer product we normally had at home, so he was fascinated by the novelty. Accordingly, he pulled one out to take a look, to which my sister demanded, "Why did you pull out a Wet One?"

Looking confused by the question, my brother looked to my sister and then the pre-moistened wipe in his hand and answered, "They're all wet."

We all laughed a good ten minutes on that one and still laugh when Wet Ones enter conversation. I alway said I was going to send that story to Readers' Digest and win $100.

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