Well, my brother is back for a command performance. Reading the last couple of interviews with my daughter has given him a hankering to go under the glare of my intense questioning.
KC: So, what brings you back?
MC: Its friday. I'm burnt out and don't feel like reading about SSO all day or re designing my company's documentation interface.
KC: What's SSO?
MC: Single Sign On.
KC: Which is...
MC: user portals etc. Creates greater security by linking the log ins of all the various interfaces that people have to use in their line of business by having them need only one log in by doing so they don't forget log ins as much don't ask help desks for resets and don't do silly things like write down their passwords etc. short answer: boring stuff
KC: Yes, yes I see. I stopped reading your explanation because it was so boring. I can understand why you would rather be interviewed by me. So, anything exciting happen lately?
MC: hmmm, well of course you know I moved into my condo now. Am spending what little spare time I've had lately un packing boxes. Unpacking sucks. I kinda wish we had a man servant to do it.
KC: Yes, I can definitely see the benefits of having a man servant. Have you done anything really stupid funny lately or are you an adult now?
MC: Stupid funny. Nothing really stupid funny lately, nothing really stupid lately I'm on new add medicine! lol. I'm trying out strattera.
KC: What's that?
MC: Non stimulant add medicine, but to be honest with you the stimulant stuff works better I think and fewer side effects. I'm going to a beer festival tonight! And mountain biking tomorrow!
KC: Where is the beer festival?
MC: In Ashburn.
KC: With all the Redskins?
MC: Out that way yes but I don't know if any redskins will be there would be cool though. It at Old Dominion Brewery.
KC: I thought that's where they all live, in Ashburn.
MC: Yes a lot of them do but I don't know if they'll be at the beer festival.
KC: Shoot, if they were having a beer festival next to my house, I'd go.
MC: I think we are digressing.
KC: Yes, you're right. Give me a good story a la Tucker Max.
MC: I'm engaged. I have no more crazy tucker max style stories. The next crazy story for me will probably be my bachelor party. My buddies and I are going to Lake Anna for a few days. Got a big house on the lake. Going to drink copious amounts of alcohol and water ski, wake board etc. Wander about in a drunken stupor.
KC: I feared as much. You've passed over to the Married Side. You'll probably never do anything really funny again.
MC: Yeah that's probably true. Well, I hope not. I think I'm still apt to do something monumentally stupid given the right environment. Maybe when I'm in Argentina next January or after drinking too much in St. Maarten.
KC: Oh no, my friend. You'll have a wife and it's her job to make sure you never do anything stupid again, even if it is funny. We screw life up for you that way.
MC: Yeah she does stop me from doing the pull my finger trick to people.
KC: And, yet, you love her anyway, don't you?
MC: With all my heart and soul.
KC: Yeah, that love's a dangerous drug. Are you regretful that you'll have to stop being stupid?
MC: No, not really. I just have to find new ways to be stupid. Drugs used to make me stupid, stopped those. Was still stupid, then booze made me stupid. Don't really binge drink anymore, still stupid. Boredom makes me stupid, maybe that will be a vein I'll have to explore more. Only problem is not much time to be bored lately. Maybe after the wedding is over I'll have more time to focus on that but I have the feeling that I might have some honey do lists coming my way.
KC: No, you're next great moments of stupid funny will come once you have kids.
MC: Like leaving them at the hospital and stuff like that? Yeah that will probably provide some good ones.
KC: Yeah, or feeding them alcholic beverages by mistake, or not.
MC: That'll be a few years though, even though mom and dad want one in 9 mos.
KC: Or you could just whack 'em in the skull with the gardening rake like I did. Makes a nice hole, you know, gardening rake.
MC: I'll remember that one, put it in the parenting rolodex. Booze, check.
Garden rake, check.
KC: Man, Mom and Dad are not going to let you rest until you start pumping out those babies, You know that, don't you?
MC: I figured as much but I'll get by. Why do they want me to pump out babies so bad?
I can't figure it out. Why don't they get a puppy or something?
KC: Because then Mom gets something to play with. She's going to kiss it and hug it and love it.
MC: Puppies are great for that!
KC: Don't you get it? Grandparents try to make up for all the dumb shit they did to their own kids by spoiling their grandkids. It's the great order of the universe.
MC: Ah gotcha, gotcha. That's cool with me, I guess.
KC: It's not an accident that the grandkid ends up with all the stuff the kids wanted but were denied. Think about it, I had to wait until I was 13 to get my ears pierced, and Mom drags [my daughter] to the beauty salon to get them pierced when she's five.
MC: ha ha ha. Maybe they'll buy [our nephews] bb guns then.
KC: Probably. Because now they're not afraid of them putting out their eyes.
MC: ha ha ha.
KC: Anyway, I've got to cut the interview short because my printer just delivered my proofs and I've got to go through them, so we can pick this up later if you like.
MC: OK, catch ya later. I'm going to lunch.
KC: OK, eat something exotic that I can't get in this godforsaken place for me.
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