June 23, 2005

...but then I'd have to kill ya.

My dad has super-duper special security clearance from his days in the Army, which he's carried on into his civilian life because of the work he does. He often ends up as a contractor on military projects, so having active security clearance is necessary. Anywho, I began understanding what having top secret security clearance must mean when I was about 13 or so. At the time, my father headed the unit in charge of maintaining the DC/Moscow hotline (which I always imagined looked like the Batphone.) My father did telecommunications while in the military, so I figure he got the lowdown on a lot of interesting stuff. Anyway, I started wondering exactly what kind of information my father was privy to, so I'd ask him and he'd give me the, "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you," answer. But seriously, I think my dad knows shit, like scary shit because there have been times when he's on business trips where my mother can't know where he is and he can only call her during certain times of the day. I want to know what my father knows. This has been something that's pretty much been driving me crazy for the past 23 years of my life because my dad still won't spill the beans. I wonder whether or not my father knows the truth about alien life. I wonder whether or not my dad knows if Ronald and Nancy were into S&M or any other kind of freaky-deaky sex play. You know, were they nasty or what? Sometimes I try to nonchalantly ask him about something secret just to see if I can catch him off guard and get him to accidently tell me something, but it never works. He just looks and me and laughs and says, "I'd have to kill ya." On the one hand, you've got to admire his perseverance over the years. Seriously, most people get so sick of me asking them the same questions over and over and over again that they tell me what I want to know just to shut me up, but not my dad. Maybe his ability to resist my constant badgering is part of his Army training. I don't know, but it has me stymied...his ability to block out my annoying probes. It's not like he can't trust me or anything, I can keep a secret. People think I'm a blabbermouth, and I am with some stuff, but not really important stuff. I know how to keep quiet. If the people in my life really knew all the stuff I know about them, they'd probably curl up in a fetal position and moan for a very long time. But mainly, I just want to know about the aliens.

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