I smell skunk.

Seriously, I smell skunk. Where could it possibly be coming from? I am completely dumbfounded. Anyway, this past Friday we went to a trivia night at my daughter's school. It was a fundraiser to help supplement families who can't afford full tuition. We had nine people on our team and we were so close to winning it was painful. We lost in the final round when we had to name a bunch of dogs. None of us on the team knew anything about dogs, so that was the end of the show. It was an agonizing defeat, I must say. We had a great time, though, because we were the most obnoxious team. We carried on with a lot of chanting and hand-raising. It was GREAT.

Last night, we watched my friend's kids while she and her husband went to some graduation party. They have to girls and a son. The girls are six and four and the boy is 11 months. I kept the girls up with my daughter in her bedroom so they could play and stay out of my hair, and my husband and I watched the baby downstairs. There is nothing like taking care of a baby to remind me why it is I've chosen to have only one child. When my friend left, the baby cried for 45 minutes and couldn't be consoled no matter what I did. Finally, my husband took him and the baby quieted right down, and eventually went to sleep. Obviously, it's true that babies do pick up on the evil bitch vibe. I love my daughter more than life, but it was hard for me when she was a baby. She was colicky and you couldn't put her down or she would cry like she was being drawn and quartered. Times were not good for me when she was a baby. I suffered from post-partum depression and I was basically crazy for her first year. I didn't realize how bad off I was until I started to come up for air. Looking back on it now, I wish I would have had the wherewithall to get help. Luckily, I was able to continue caring for my daughter, but in all other ways I shut down. If it didn't have to do with taking care of my daughter or school (I was in grad school at the time), I basically tuned it out. I kind of went into automotion. Needless to say, things weren't exactly sunny in my marriage either. In fact, if there was ever a time when my husband and I came close to divorce, it was probably then. Fortunately, over time and a lot of talking, we were able to see how vile we had become toward each other and recommitted ourselves to making our marriage work. But in some ways, I think the shock of raising an infant played heavily into our decision to have only one child. A large portion comes from the fact that I suffer from infertility and finances work out much better with only one child, but I absolutely dread thinking of caring for another baby. And when we were watching my friend's son last night and he wouldn't stop crying, I felt myself turning inward again, like I did with my daughter when she was a baby. I felt my brain start to numb and my eyes start to glaze. It was kind of scary to me, actually. It's also the reason I say that if my husband and I ever do decide to have another child, we're adopting a kid from China or Korea or something.