November 03, 2005

Li'l four-eyes.

My daughter has started wearing glasses. She's quite excited and proud about the entire thing, but I feel guilty. I feel guilty that I've passed on my malformed eyeballs. In many ways it was inevitable that she'd need glasses because both my husband and I had to start wearing glasses as children, but I hoped. I hoped with all my might that she might be spared the back-breaking hassle of having to deal with glasses and contacts and bad vision. I've got very, very, very, very, very bad astigmatism. I imagine my eyeballs look something like a deformed grape. Anyway, my daughter has very slight astigmatism and, right now, she probably really only needs to wear her glasses for things like reading the chalk board. I'm encouraging her to take her glasses off when she doesn't need them so that her eyes don't become dependent on the glasses too quickly. I don't know that doing this will mean a hill of beans in the long run, but I have hated, HATED, having such messed-up eyes. I think about having lasic surgery but I'm a little afraid of it because if they screw up your eyes, that's it. There's no turning back. You have fucked-up eyes. End of story. I can't think of anything worse than going through something like lasic for nothing. Also, I've been told my pupils are too large, but that was a few years ago and, supposedly, they have better techniques for dealing with large pupils. I'll probably still look into it a little bit more, but I don't know. I did find out something I hadn't known: If your eyesight causes you to have headaches, it's probably due to astigmatism. That's what the eye doctor told me after she examined my daughter's eyes. In all my years, I'd never learned that.

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