Interview #5

Today my friend Michelle is on board to talk to us. Michelle and I used to work together at the American Nurses Association. I was the reporter for their newspaper and Michelle was the graphic designer. While there are many people I'd like to forget from my time at ANA, (well actually not many, just one really, really annoying person) Michelle is not one of them. She's just a super swell gal and cute as a button, to boot. Michelle also is currently expecting twins, which is incredibly exciting. So let's start with some "being in the family way" questions:

KC: How's the pregnancy going and do you know the sexes yet?

MK: The pregnancy is going very well so far considering the load I'm carrying around. I'm always a little scared to say things are "great" because that would be the day that I'd go into preterm laboróand these little bugs need to bake for at least two more months. We're not finding out the sexes...I know that just kills you doesn't it?!

KC: So you're not finding out the sexes, huh? Yeah, and you're right, that kills me. I don't understand why people make such a big deal about being "surprised." But enough of the rant, we are interviewing you. So, what would you say has been the most unexpected part of being pregnant?

MK: Well, after trying for so long, just being pregnant was pretty unexpected. Feeling them move around in there is pretty cool, but I can't say I wasn't expecting that. I guess I'd say watching your stomach stretch beyond your imagination has been the hardest thing to grasp. I mean you see it on other people but it's different when it's your body doing it.

KC: Do you have stretch marks yet?

MK: No, luckily not yet. My friend gave me some "belly balm" to rub on twice a day but I hear those products won't really stop it if you're genetically inclined to get them. I'm keeping my fingers crossed because neither my mom or my sister got them.

KC: Yeah, well you're lucky if you don't get them. I thought I was going to get away scott-free until my sixth month and then I look down and in one night, they were everywhere. Sad, really. What's been the most annoying thing people have done to you, related to the pregnancy?

MK: Well, I don't mind the belly touching because somehow I feel like the babies are truly a buffer between me and the offending hands. Plus I grew up in an Italian family...very emotional and touchy/feely...so I guess I've gotten used to people invading my personal space. It does kinda get annoying with people asking how you're feeling all the time...I know they are just being nice and mean well, and if it were just coming from one or two people no big deal, but I hear it all day long from everyone in the office. I just want to hang a sign around my neck that says "I feel fine. Thanks for asking."

KC: I was most annoyed by how men on the Metro would avert their eyes when they saw me come onboard so they wouldn't feel obligated to offer me their seat. How is [your husband] handling the pregnancy? Is he completely freaked out?

MK: Oh, the metro...thank God I don't have to ride that thing anymore. If he is he's not showing it. He was the one who really wanted twins in thefirst place so he's pretty happy about how everything is turning out. I think his timeline and my timeline are a little different as far as when things need to get done around the house. His attitude is more "What's the rush, we have at least two more months." and I'm thinking..."If they put me on bed rest and all your tools are still strung out around the house I might explode!"

He keeps asking to take photos of my stomach. I think he finds it humorous and fascinating at the same time.

KC: It is such an exciting time when you're pregnant, although, very trying as well. I'm going to shift gears a bit now: What have you learned about [your husband] since being married that makes it impossible to still think of him the way you did before you got married. (Feel free to be brutally honest with this one.)

MK: Wow, that's kinda tough. I was finding out all sorts of things before we got married...like how incredibly stubborn he is. And he's an absolute SLOB! He's gotten somewhat better with that after six years of nagging but I'm afraid it will take the next 26 before I truly break him down.

The first thing that popped in my head is how much he is like his father. Some of the facial expressions and hand gestures he's picked up since we're living closer to them and see them more often freaks me out a little. I mean you don't want to crawl into bed with your husband one night and wake up with your father-in-law. Whoa, that just gives me the heeby-geebies.

KC: Yeah, waking up with [your husband's] father would freak me out too. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

MK: I'm sure I've embarrassed myself on numerous occasions without knowing it but the one that sticks out in my head is when I went to my friend Tim's fathers visitation and walked into the wrong room at the funeral home and into someone else's wake. After standing in line, signing the register and
standing in line again to view the body it wasn't until I was five or so feet away before I realized it was some little old lady I didn't know. I was wondering why I hadn't seen Tim or the rest of his family and then I had to try and subtly get out of the line before I had to say something to this woman's family. I just went to the closest chair and acted like I was pulling myself together then I slipped out. I got a thank you note from that family a few weeks later.

KC: So you just sat in the chair and pretended to cry a little or did you act real hysterical and scream, "Oh, why her, God? Why her?" And then run out like to couldn't stand to be the room with her lifeless carcass? Yeah, I can see why that would be embarrassing. Now, let's get down and dirty: What is the most erotic dream/fantasy you've ever had?

MK: See, I knew it was only a matter of time.

It's a little clichÈ but it would probably be the handsome stranger fantasy where you are only drawn to each other my meaningless physical attraction and it's the best sex of your life. My guy is kinda Lenny Kravitz-esque (is that spelled right?) and usually on a beach with no shirt, longer, loose shorts and looking extremely hot.

KC: What do you mean it was only a matter of time? Are you suggesting that I have a gutter-mind? Lenny Kravitz, hmmm? Me like. OK, since we're heading down the slippery slope of proper discussion topics at a fast pace, let me ask you if you find yourself farting more often now that you're pregnant?

MK: Hey, I thought we were off the pregnant thing. But yes, I'd have to say so. Although not as much as I thought I would be based on what you hear and I've seen on "Sex In the City." Maybe I just farted more than most to begin with.

KC: I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. Heh, heh, heh. In your opinion, during the period of detente between the United States and former USSR, what would you say was the key contributing factor to the eventual breakdown of that uneasy peace?

MK: I couldn't say for sure...maybe it was our stereotype of their women all being fat and hairy. But more than likely it had something to do with a Republican, probably Reagan. And don't give me the crap about Nixon getting things going in the first place he was probably just scared after the whole
Bay of Pigs thing. But hey, it made for some interesting music in high school...what was that Phil Collins song with the puppets in the video? Oh and I know you know the Sting song "Do the Russians love their children too" what was the exact title of that one? Are we going to keep going with politics? I mean cracking on Bush becomes such a bore and I know you have a lot of Republican friends out there I wouldn't want to insult. ;-)

KC: Hey, now. Republicans are people, too. At least we believe in taking care of ourselves instead of expecting handouts from the government. But, I digress. :-) I'm going to my happy place, I'm going to my happy place....When you think back to high school, what is the stupidest thing you can remember doing?

MK: Um...unfortunately it was probably all the unprotected sex. Not with different guys mind you but with my one boyfriend over a three year span. Pretty stupid. Hopefully my daughter (or son) will feel comfortable enough coming to me so that we can discuss birth control should she/he need it.

KC: Oh yeah, tell me about it. I'm trying now to set the foundation for a good talking relationship with [my daughter] so she feels she can come to me with anything as she gets older. But, regretfully, I notice that it just about time for me to call it a day. So, thanks for being with us today, Michelle. It's been a great conversation and I hope you'll see fit to join again one day.

MK: Sure, love to.

KC: Bye.