March 05, 2004

Interview #2

OK, today I've got my sister here to chat a bit. This should be a very interesting time since my sister is a snarky enough to be entertaining. So let's get started:

KC: What would you say is the most important thing to have happened to you in your life?

ACH:I think the most important thing to happen to me in my life, at this point anyway, is becoming a mother. But i think that it's tied with getting married.

KC: I see, and why would that be the case?

ACH: because it turned me from a person that thinks mostly about myself into someone that rarely thinks about myself....i am a much more selfless person, because of those to events. two events, that is.

KC: That's very interesting. Now, what is so funny to you that it makes milk come out of your nose if you laugh, while drinking milk, of course?

ACH: i do not believe that this has occoured to me in the past 20 years or so, so i cannot answer this question.

KC: Alright then, what is so funny it makes you pee your pants? And I know that only happened last night, so give it up.

ACH: the last thing that made me piss myself, while laughing was when [my son] recited the entire Blamange episode of Monty Python after only seeing it once.

KC: And would you say that was a full-on pissed your pants or just a little trickle that you were able to stop with your Kegels?

ACH: kegel stopper.

KC: So sorry to hear that, we were looking for a full-on piss your pants. At any rate, what would you say is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?

ACH: printing a story on an internet message board

KC: What story would that be?

ACH: btw, my kegels are well developed, so i'm pretty good at stopping pissing myself. i take the fifth.

KC: What do you mean you take the fifth? I'm your sister, there is no fifth. At least give me a little clue as to what the story was about.

ACH: it was about meeting a famous person, and that is all that i will say.

KC: Would that famous person be Simon LeBon of the 80's mega-group Duran Duran?

ACH: no, but i will be meeting him, soon as they get their asses back over hear from Europe. Steve and I were going to go and see them, but every date they were playing here, we were already going somewhere else. and i could give a shit about simon le's all about john taylor.

KC: Ah yes, how could I forget the way you dyed the front of your bangs blonde in a vain attempt to recreate yourself in the image of your much adored John Taylor....So, what's the best date you've ever been on?

ACH: jc, i can't spell

KC: Well, OK, but what about the date?

ACH: when stephen and i went to san francisco the first time

KC: Oh, that sounds so sweet. Why don't you tell our viewing audience a little more about that weekend.

ACH: he went to take his written board exam, and i was on spring break, so i flew out the day of this last exam. Needless to say, I was very nervous, so I downed about 10 screwdrivers between SLC and SF, which is only about a 45 min. flight, so I had to piss so bad that I raced to the lavatory as soon as the plane landed. I was in there for about 15 minutes, so poor Steve was standing at the gate thinking that I had changed my mind, so, when I finally came of the plane, he had a very big smile on his face. We spent two days going all around SF, and, believe it or not, we never had intercourse on that trip....he was a true gentleman.

KC: I'm sure we all appreciate your "truthful" retelling of your bedroom activities.

ACH:it IS true

ACH: btw, who is the "viewing audience? it better just be you and [your daughter] or I'm gonna kick your ass Bruce Lee style.

ACH: We were like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinski, I did not say that there were not other things that occured, but we did not have intercourse.

KC: Oh, and to answer your question, anyone who happens to stubmle across my blog has access to this enlightening interview.

ACH: oh, this is on your blog? why? what is the purpose of this little interview?

KC: This is my substitute to having my cable access interview show. So I'm going to interview friends and family on my blog.

ACH: what? are you telling me that you have a public access interview show? and, if so, why would anyone want to know anything about me?

KC: No, I don't have a cable access show, but have always wanted to have one. Since I don't, this is how I'm going to go about interviewing people I'm intertested in interviewing. See?

ACH: you know everything about me, so why do you want to interview me?

KC: Because I don't specifically ask you interview-type questions, so this is a way to learn even more about you while sharing the fruits of my efforts with the larger viewing public.

ACH: pure genious.ok, anymore questions for your illiterate sister?

KC: I'm afraid not. I have to go pick up [my daughter]. So this is me signing off for today. I hope you join me next time when my guest will be....I don't know.

ACH: hukd on fonix werks fer mi.

KC: Bye.

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