Podcast #16

A very special guest and I talk about some pretty racy things, primarily sex toys. For mature audiences only.


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Mysterious karaoke

Short and sweet explanation today: I'm singing Men at Work's Who Can it be Now? Have a good Fourth of July.


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Murphy's Morning.

It has not been a good morning. I woke up because I heard the dog barking downstairs, which could only mean that she had been left alone. Dog alone in the morning is a dangerous thing because that's when she gets a whole lot of pooping done. The basic rule is: Don't leave the dog alone in the morning. Anyway, I heard her barking so I raced downstairs to make sure she hadn't had time to get into any trouble. Foolish me, I should know by now that a millisecond is enough time for the dog to get into trouble. To her credit, she had pooped in the litter box. She pooped in the litter box before she stepped in it and then walked around the kitchen. Oh, did I mention the part where she ate it? Anyway, so I clean her feet and the floor and my husband comes out of the bathroom and sees me cleaning up and I told him that next time he needs to come get me if he's not going to be in the room with her until she's done with her morning constitutional. So while I'm cleaning the mess, my husband goes to make coffee and somehow manages to spill the coffee everywhere when he's taking the container from down off the refrigerator. When I say it was everywhere, it was pretty much everywhere: caught in between refrigerator magnets and on top of the handles and all over my husband. Of course, it was all over the floor, as well. So I had to go lug out the shop vac to clean up that mess. My husband tried to do it for me but I told him to leave me alone and let me clean up the mess or I was going to get pissed off that he was arguing with me about cleaning up the floor. I told him I'm better at cleaning up, which I am, so just let me do it. However, that unfortunate business doesn't compare at all to what happened later. My husband called me to tell me that his boss will not let him have the first week of April off next year because he already has that week scheduled and has made reservations and bought his tickets to wherever in the hell he is going. Why is this such bad news? It's bad news because we were planning on taking our daughter to Disney World during her Spring Break next year. For some reason, my husband's boss thinks my husband andhe can't be gone for vacation at the same time. It's not really the case. Nothing will happen if they're both gone at the same time, but now we're going to have to figure out a different time for the trip. Doesn't matter that we've already told other family members to look at planning the trip for that week. We'll just have to accomodate. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big deal since we're not out any money or anything, but it sucks that we haven't been able to plan a vacation when it's convenient for us because my husband's boss always seems to want to take the same days off. That's pissing me off.

Things are pretty slow.

I find with the child gone, I don't seem to have much to talk about. Hmmm, I wonder why. Actually, she comes home this weekend, so we're pretty excited about that. I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but we had our dog spayed last week. It's been a chore since she's been back because she seems to have forgotten all her potty training. Why does having a dog seem like the most difficult thing in the world to me? Millions of people have dogs and don't seem overly traumatized by it. Am I just weird? But I seriously feel like I have not had one moment of relaxation since we got the dog because she has to constantly be watched. It feels like I can never just relax and unwind because I feel like I have to follow the dog around to make sure she doesn't have an accident, which invariably happens whether I'm watching her or not. She's a cute dog and all but I still haven't decided whether or not this aggravation has been worth it. I also hate how all the books about potty training seem to assume someone can stay home all day to teach the dog. How about a book that tells you how to potty train when you've got to be gone during the day and can't get home at lunch or something to let the dog out? That's the book I want.

Ghost picnic.

I don't really have anything to talk about today, so I'll just show you some pictures from the weekend. The Ghost Trackers had a picnic that I went to with my husband. I made calbi, which is Korean short ribs. Everyone seemed to enjoy them. I finally got to roast my marshmallows, so it was a good day all the way around.



This is a picture of my friend Lisa and me. She's the one who got me involved with the group. So everything is her fault.



Here's a picture of my husband. I don't think he really wanted to come, but I made him. He thinks ghost trackers are crazy.



Here's Mookie making a non-ghostly friend.

Canuck Karaoke

I think I've sung Sarah McLachlan before, and I'm singing her again. Did you know that Sarah McLachlan makes jewelry as a hobby? I've never seen any of it myself, but that's a little trivia for you. A little something extra to go with the karaoke. I know you appreciate those little special touches. So here I am singing Adia.


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I itch.

I've got some kind of weird rash on my chin and neck. It itches like hell and I can't figure out what's causing it. It's starting to spread up on my face. I have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow to see if she can give me anything for it. I assume I'm having some kind of allergic reaction to something, but I just don't know what. Did you know that itching is a type of pain? It is. I've taken Benadryl and put on Benadryl cream and it still itches. I've been scratching it, too. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it. I don't think it's the fungus I had before because I used some anti-fungal cream on it and it didn't seem to help. Plus it doesn't look like ringworm or anything. I'm sure you all appreciate me talking about my skin afflictions. Mookie is back home. We had her spayed and I was able to pick her up yesterday. She's a lot more active than I anticipated. I thought she'd sick around all subdued for a couple of days, but she's jumping and running around as usual. I'm worried about it, though, because I don't want her to rip out her stiches, but how do you make a dog stop running and jumping. If I try to just hold her she squirms, which I think might do more damage than the jumping. Anyway, that's what's going on with me.

So that's what I've been missing, hmmm?

With the child gone for two weeks, my husband and I have had the opportunity to watch something on television other than Nickelodeon, Disney Channel or Cartoon Network. So last night we watched Last Comic Standing on Bravo and then NBC. There were some pretty good comics on the show, but I do not understand why that Stella got to go on the boat. She is not funny at all. I was surprised the girl with the lisp didn't get selected because she was hilarious to me. At any rate, it was really weird sitting there and watching television for the entire evening because I really can't remember the last time I've done that on a week night. I usually have to wait until everyone is asleep and then I can watch a movie I want to watch or something, but I'm usually half falling asleep. We only have one television in our house, you see. I don't want my daughter to have a TV in her room because of all the statistics that show children who have their own televisions tend to be more anti-social then those who don't. So if it means I have to watch kids' shows most of the time, so be it. Another show we watched a little was this Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency. First off, bitch is crazy. We only watched for about fifteen minutes but it was the most boring fifteen minutes of my life. There was absolutely nothing interesting about her life. I predict that this show will fail. She just yells at everyone. Her son is constantly trying to get her to calm down, which I just find sad that the son is more mature than the mother.

I am TIRED.

I'm back from my super-quick trip to DC. Drove to Northern Virigina Friday and drove back yesterday. I want to sleep now. It was a whirlwind because we had to go to a barbeque on Saturday and then we spent all of Sunday in Baltimore at my aunt's anniversary party. My daughter is staying in DC with my parents for two weeks, so I drove back all by myself and I sang for eleven hours straight to keep myself awake. It wasn't too bad, though. I got home about 5:30, so I had the evening to relax. The vet just called and Mookie is doing fine after her surgery. She's getting spayed. The tech said Mookie had the smallest uterus she's ever seen, which isn't surprising since Mookie isn't even five pounds. But, she'll stay the night and then I'll pick her up tomorrow. I wanted to stop by the vet to see her today, but everyone thinks it will be too upsetting to her if she sees me and then doesn't go home with me, so I'll be patient and wait. Seriously, I am struggling to keep my eyes open right now. I am beat.

Let's make beautiful karaoke.

We've got Karaoke Friday coming at you a day early because I will be on the road to DC tomorrow, and you know I couldn't leave you hanging dry just because I won't be here. It's too cruel to contemplate. Let me start by saying I am not a Christina Aguilera fan. She wears too much make-up, dresses way too scantily for anyone pretending to be respectable and is too dumb to realize she can't legitimately be referred to as a diva for at least another twenty years or so. That being said, I do really like the song I am singing for you today. I think it's a good message for anyone to carry around. So here I am singing Beautiful. Enjoy and have a great weekend.


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I am in a battle of wills with a 19-year-old.

Why? I don't know, other than the fact that some 19-year-old punk ain't coming out on top in a match up against me. I was a little late getting out of the house this morning so I didn't get to the karate school until 8:36. I should mention that when I dropped off my daughter yesterday, the karate instructor wasn't there. I got there around 8:25 or so. However, one of the other instructors was there waiting for the head guy to show up and unlock the door. Anyway, I left my daughter with that instructor and found out that the head guy didn't show up for another few minutes or so, but only after one of the other instructors had managed to get there. So I drop off my daughter today at 8:36 and the school is open and the lights are on and the instructor is in there with one of the other instructors and another kid is also there. So as I'm getting out of the car, the head instructor comes to the window and taps his watch and me and mouths, "You're late." So I flipped him off. It was the only thing I could do. Anyway, as we're walking into the school my daughter asks what the instructor was doing and I told her he's trying to say I'm late. "But why were you waving at him?" she asked, and I told her I was just saying hi.

When we walked in the door he said something about it being my turn to be late and I told him that I'd just given up getting there early because I knew he wasn't going to be on time anyway, and then he said he was on time. Or rather, that the other instructor was there on time and he was right behind her. Then the other student who was already there said that the instructor had been late because he and his father had apparently sat and waited for a little while. So I gave the instrutor a smug look and walked out the door. I'm winning. I don't care how immature it is. I'm winning.

Yay, yay, yay.

I no longer have to bring the child to work with me. Yay. It's really not fun. I'm glad I have the flexibility to do it when I have to, but I sure don't like having to do it. She starts karate camp this week. I wonder if she'll be able to deal with it. I dropped her off this morning and the place was completely locked down and dark, so I started freaking, thinking that maybe the camp was at the other location. Anyway, I tried calling the owner, but his voice mail was on and I'm thinking, "Shit, why don't these people ever have it together?" Which they rarely do. We only just found out a couple of days that they had changed locations for the camp, so I'm thinking maybe they changed it back again. So I sit there and then about five minutes later the instructor pulls up and I tapped my watch when he got out and he's like, "What?" And I said, "You were supposed to be here at 8:30." And he looks at his watch and say, "I'm only two minutes late." And I said, "Well, now I'm going to be late for work." Anyway, what really got me riled about this situation is that everytime someone shows up late for class, he makes a point of saying something to them when they walk through the door. "You're late!" or "Better be on time from now on," or whatever. This kid is only 19, so I should cut him some slack for his immaturity, but I hate hypocrites. I think you shouldn't open your mouth if you can't do what you say.

City of Karaoke

The Goo Goo Dolls aren't a favorite group of mine of anything, but I like a few of their numbers, especially this one from the City of Angels soundtrack. Here I am singing Iris.


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Hostel is not as compelling as people made it out to be.

So I finally got around to watching Hostel the other night. I was interested in seeing it because it garnered so much press at the time it came out with everyone saying it was the most disturbing film they'd ever watched. It was gory, but not as gory as I imagined it was going to be based on what I'd heard about it. Or maybe I really am so jaded that nothing can really shock me anymore. Yeah, it was gross watching the guy cut off the Japanese girl's eye or whatever he cut off her face, but it didn't make we want to vomit or anything. Actually, the only time in my life I've ever felt queasy watching a movie was when I was in eighth grade and I watched Cat People with Malcolm McDowell and Nastassja Kinski. There's a scene where Malcom McDowell's character wakes up after having spent the night with a prostitute, whom he's killed, and he's got this mucasy jelly stuff on his stomach which he plucks off and eats for a little breakfast snack. It was gross and I actually felt the bile rise to the back of my throat. It wasn't a graphically disgusting scene or anything, but idea of eating mucas just really got to me. Usually, I'm pretty solid when it comes to gore. Did I want to be grossed out with Hostel? Maybe. All I know is that it didn't live up to the hype for me.

My daughter is driving me crazy and I'm ready to kill the dog.

I know it's been a couple of days since I've posted. What are you going to do about it? Anyway, I've been bringing my daughter into work with me this week because all the summer programs don't start until next week. Since she's in Catholic school, she got out a week earlier than the public schools, which let out this week. Hence having to wait a week before I can dump her off on someone else. If I have to hear one more thing about Pokemon Emerald version, I'm going to lose my freaking marbles. It wouldn't be a problem having her in the office if she didn't want me to constantly stop what I'm doing to look at her Gameboy or print off coloring pages or help her get to Neopets.com or whatever. I know she's just a kid, but it's still driving me crazy. I'll be glad when this week is over. However, I know she'd rather be doing something different. It's not easy being cooped up for six hours watching your mom work. Which brings me to the dog and why I'm ready to kill it. This dog is backsliding majorly on the entire potty training thing. I woke up the other morning to find that she had gone around and spent the night leaving poop piles all over the damn house. She was doing really well and all of a sudden she can't figure out what the litter box is for. I just feel like I am constantly under pressure to watch the dog and follow her around the house to make sure she doesn't have an accident. I really wonder if it was a good idea getting a dog. Of course, we can't get rid of her because it would break my daughter's heart. I'm just hoping things bet better as she grows up. It's all kind of reminding me why we didn't have a second baby.

Podcast #15

Here I am with Little Korean Celt. Yeah, that's how desperate I am to talk to someone right now. Sad, isn't it?


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Jewel of the karaoke.

I like Jewel well enough. My brother used to have a MASSIVE crush on her when she first came out and, for all I know, he still has a massive crush on her. I know he sent her some kind of fan letter that he felt was so moving, he'd get a personal response. I don't know that he did, but he really, really liked her. Anyway, for my brother, here I am singing Hands.


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Field Day

I volunteered at my daughter's field day yesterday and after having done this for three years now I've concluded that field day is only fun when you're a kid. When you're a 37-year-old mother, it's actually pretty boring. This year I got to be the official outdoor timekeeper, which meant I timed my watch for ten minutes, then I blew a whistle and told everyone to mosey along to their next activity. Despite having sprayed myself down with sunblock, I still got burned. My ears are pretty cripsy and I have racoon eyes from where I had my sunglasses. Having racoon eyes because you went skiing is cool. Having racoon eyes because you blew a whistle for seven hours is not cool. I'll still volunteer, but it's tiring. Especially after lunch. Once a body has had a chance to relax and sit in the shade and enjoy some company, a body does not want to go back out on the field for another three hours to blow whistles and fry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's just not fun.