Shocking.

I just had a disturbing conversation with someone in the elevator. A woman who went through the MFA program the same time I did told me she was living in an apartment complex where this man kept threatening to come down to her apartment and rape her. She doesn't live there now, but I said that's definitely something that should be reported to the police. She said she did, but that they told her there's nothing they can do about it. To which I responded, "Until it's too late." And she said that was about it. Anyway, this makes me very angry because she was being threatened in a real way and I don't understand why the police can't work toward preventing a tragedy instead of just reacting to a tragedy. I mean, seriously, this guy should be locked up in jail. No one has the right to indiscriminately threaten people and then be allowed to walk the streets. Although, I can't say the police response surprises me too much. This society is still woefully unconcerned about sexual violence toward women. Well, I'm going to say sexual violence in general because male victims tend to have a harder time getting justice than women do.

When I was in college, I was genuinely shocked by how many male friends of mine thought that if they took a girl out for dinner or whatever that they were actually owed sex in return. Of course, if they thought this was their due for food, they certainly thought it was a sure thing if a girl went up to their room during a party. I have friends who have been raped and I was subjected to a sexual assault as a child. The aftermath is not cool. Trust me on this one. I think one of the primary problems is that we even connect these sorts of crimes to sexuality in anyway. There is nothing "sexual" about it other than the fact that it involves the sex organs. Violence is violence is violence. And sexual violence is motivated by the same desire to dominate that results in a criminal bludgeoning someone to death. But we try to downplay it by suggesting that crimes that involve certain parts of our anatomy somehow can really be explained by "things just getting out of control." I can honestly say that if I were the mother of a son who grew up to rape someone, I would feel like the biggest failure as a parent. I would feel like I had completely botched up the most important job of my life. What I don't get is why more men don't actively teach that there is never an excuse for rape. For as many men as I know who think a girl should put out, I know just as many who are disgusted by the thought of forcing sex. Why don't those men speak up when they hear friends joking in the locker room? It's not just a women's issue, you know.