Over.

The show is over. And now I can get my life back. Thank God. Don't get me wrong, I had a good time and got to meet some cool new people, but I am so happy to put this show behind me. The next thing I'm looking to audition for is Dracula, which they're going to run in October and November, so that gives me a nice long break.

I totally got carded Saturday night when a few of us went out after the show. That was pretty awesome. I don't know if this place just makes it a rule to card everyone, but I'm going to pretend that the bouncer really wanted to see mine.

Ha, ha.

Here's funny video of Jerry O'Connell making fun of the Tom Cruise Scientology videos. Trust me, it's funny.

Meme

K, Dantallion tagged me with this meme so I'm doing it. On a separate note, I absolutely cannot believe Heath Ledger is dead. That one really shocked the crap out of me.

Now, on to the meme.

-Link to the person that tagged you.
-Post the rules on your blog.
-Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
-Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
-Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1 - I'm a procrastinator.

2 - I yell at people in traffic.

3 - I bury my anger deep down until I can't hold it in any longer and then explode.

4 - I can hold a grudge for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time.

5 - I've always been sad that my bellybutton is now scarred from the endoscopy I underwent when I couldn't get pregnant because I always thought I had a cute bellybutton before.

6 - I really am a bitch.

I tag Leigh, Jody, Mike, Ed, Rick, and Sherri.

Crazy, crazy, crazy

That describes my life lately, and why I haven't been able to post in a while. We just opened A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and we're on break until Thursday night when it all starts up again. This show has a three week run, but there's always the possibility they'll extend if the turnout is strong. Anyway, if I'm not at rehearsal or a performance, I'm working or carting around my daughter to her engagements, so it's been a pretty jam-packed schedule since we've returned from vacation. It's all good, it just doesn't give one much time to stop and think. At any rate, we got a really nice review for the show, which is always gratifying and now we just have to make sure we keep delivering every night. My husband mentioned Saturday, though, after I'd done two shows and was completely beat, that it makes sense to see how actors get addicted to drugs. Not that I'm condoning it, but I can see how they start taking a little something to keep the energy up, and then next thing you know, you're Britney Spears being strapped to a gurney and rolled out of your house on national television.

Back in the hizzie.

K, I'm back. Let the revelry begin. It's so nice to be back in South Bend and have to deal with a foot of snow. Really. I mean it. Ugh. And it's so funny how we didn't hit any snow on our way back until we crossed into Indiana. Anyway, we're working with a wind chill of four degrees right now. I'm going to haul my sorry ass outside pretty soon to brush off the satellite dish because we haven't been able to get a signal for two days. That's almost an eternity. I really like the price of satellite compared to cable, but it bites when the weather screws up reception. Had a pretty good holiday, though. It was good to be back in DC. We went to the spy museum and acted out our James Bond fantasies. It was cool. I embarrassed my daughter, though, because every time I entered a room, I plastered myself up against a wall until I knew the location was secure. Kids, they just don't know how to have fun. My dog is cute. Just had to say that because I looked over at where she's sleeping on the couch and she's just so precious. Looking at her makes my insides go all mushy. K, I'm gonna eat breakfast and then shovel snow.

Merry Christmas

I'm out for a while, so Merry Christmas.

Band concert

I think the only way you can experience the joy of my daughter's band concert last night is to watch a little clip for yourself. It's truly a thing of beauty.

And before you all go thinking I'm just a hard-hearted bitch, I actually thought these kids did an incredible job considering that they have only been playing their instruments since October. This is the beginning band and everything is brand new for them.

Kids singing makes me laugh.

Last night was my daughter's annual school Christmas concert and it provided its normal level of unintentional hilarity. Kids, for the most part, just can't sing well. It all sounds fine when a bunch of them sing together, but when you've only got one or two, it's not usually pleasant. It's funny listening to them straining to hit high notes or struggling just to stay on key. I don't know why it's funny, it just is. My daughter happened to be an instrumentalist for one of the songs--she played the triangle, and she was rocking it. The only thing that really detracted from her performance was that her slip was hanging out from under her dress, but I'm probably the only who really noticed since I'm her mother. The other thing I really love about the Christmas concert is the "choreography." You know, the hand movements they do along with the songs. Anyway, their music teacher is really fond of hand-raising. Ever single song had some kind of hand raising in it. This year she got kind of daring and had the kids do modified waves (like the kind you see spectators do at sporting events) across the stage. It was spectacular, as I'm sure you can imagine. Tonight is my daughter's band concert. She's in beginning band, so I'm sure this will just add another element of holiday fun I will come to cherish. I'm taking earplugs.

Questions and answers

My friend Ed posted these questions on his blog, so I'm copying them because I want to. He invited people to post their own answers, and I'll do the same. Obviously, the answers here are mine.

What is your favorite word?

I don't know that I have a favorite word. However, I do like aigoo, which is a Korean expression of general aggravation or frustration. Like if someone does something really stupid, you'd say aigoo with as much disdain as possible. Oh, and I like schmegma a lot, too, because it's exactly what it sounds like. Most people don't realize that schmegma is the actual, clinical word for dick cheese.

What is your least favorite word?

Puce. It just sounds gross. You almost have to half puke to say it.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Hmm. I'm going to say it's probably the small moments in life. I spend a lot of time looking at the sky, at the ground, and just around in general when I'm walking because that's when you notice things like squirrels chasing each other, or a glove that someone dropped in the snow, or a bird's nest in a tree you can only see when the leaves have fallen off. That's where you find the larger meaning of things, I think.

What turns you off?

Stupidity and poor moral character.

What is your favorite curse word?

Filthy bastard. It's just fun and it makes me smile.

What sound or noise do you love?

I like listening to my daughter laugh.

What sound or noise do you hate?

I hate listening to my daughter whine.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

An actress. It's what I always wanted to be and if I could count on getting paid for doing it, I'd still do it. Alas, acting is such an uneven profession, you can't count on anything. Or I'd like to have a job where I work with my hands.

What profession would you not like to do?

The person who has to empty port-o-potties, or dig up burst septic tanks.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

I don't know that he'd have to say anything. I'd just be happy I got to heaven because it's questionable right now where I'll end up.

Podcast #23

We're here with another episode of Conversations with Korean Celt. The girls and I talk to a special guest in the studio.


powered by ODEO

Hilarious

I went and elfed my family at Office Space, or Office Max, or Office Depot. I don't know, all those places are the same to me. Click the image to see the video. It's pretty darn funny if you ask me. Of course, you might not be as amused. You know what will amuse you, though? That's right, my t-shirts at my cafepress store. Click the link on the right. Damn, it's Christmas people. Don't you have to buy gifts or something. Just buy them already.

If you've got money to burn, please just give it to me.

This article was posted at the New York Post site. It's about a new lipstick that's come out with the hefty price tag of $62,000. That's right, I said sixty-two THOUSAND dollars.


KISS $62K GOODBYE
PRICEY LIPSTICK IS COLOR OF MONEY
By DANICA LO


November 23, 2007 -- IMAGINE having a lipstick so expensive that every single after-dinner touch-up costs you hundreds of dollars - per lip. This week, French cosmetics house Guerlain - lipstick innovators since the 1920s - launches KissKiss Gold and Diamonds - a $62,000 lip color wrapped in a 110-gram, 18-karat gold tube encrusted with 199 conflict-free diamonds weighing 2.2 carats, rubies and emeralds. It can be custom-engraved and will be sold exclusively through private consultations at Bergdorf Goodman.


Whew. At this price, we're hoping the lipstick comes with a built-in Mr. Right (for kissing, obv) and the consultation will buy our kids admission to Princeton.

For the price of 310,000 Wendy's chicken nuggets, a 2007 Cadillac Escalade, or nearly 400,000 Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans from Dylan's Candy Bar, lipstick lovers are granted a personal appointment with Olivier Echaudemaison, Guerlain's artistic director, and a custom-made shade housed - along with its own lip brush and protective black suede pouch - in a black lacquered case.

Counting pennies? Save on the $5,192.50 sales tax by having the store ship it - for a nominal $12.75 fee - out of state. Now that's a bargain.

Seriously, maybe the real reason French women don't get fat is because they can't afford to eat and mess up their lipstick.

Make appointments now for consultations beginning Dec. 1 at Guerlain, Bergdorf Goodman, by calling (212) 872-2734.



As you can see, this is totally worth $62,000. All I'm saying is if you've got this kind of money to spend on a lipstick, give it to me. You obviously have a hard time coming up with useful ways to spend your money, so just give it to me so I can buy my kid a freaking Wii, which I'm trying desperately to raise the funds for by selling t-shirts at cafepress.com. Click the link to the side. And once I'm done buying the Wii, I can use the rest to send her to college.

Happy Thanksgiving. Now buy stuff from me.

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you're well on your way to stuffing yourself silly. I'm about to get my own cooking underway here, but I just wanted to take a moment to wish the best of this day to all of you and remind you that tomorrow is the unofficial start of the Christmas shopping season—as if you didn't already know that. Which leads me to wonder about what would make an excellent Christmas gift. It is a dilemma. Hmmmm. Hey, you know what just occurred to me? Any one of my excellent shirts at my excellent cafepress store would make an awesome gift for that special someone in your life.






I have to say, at this point, I really don't know what you're waiting for. Someone who is not a friend of mine or related to me already bought something. I mean, people are realizing the genius at work here.

In other news, I've been coerced into being in another play. I'm going to be a courtesan in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. It should be fun. I get to wear bells and cymbals, which is always a good time. Anyway, have a great day and I hope you puke from eating so much.

Take back the night

You know, some stuff you just can't make up. And this article about the Rapex female condom is one of those things. This is a post from The First Post about this new device which is designed to prevent rape. It's basically a female condom that is lined with tiny razors that cut and bury themselves into the rapist's penis upon penetration. I say good to the woman who invented this. And I don't care if the rapist ends up with a mangled piece of roadkill hanging from between his legs for the rest of his life because he deserves it.


Rape: now women can bite back

The words of a rape victim - "If only I had teeth down there" - have inspired the design of a new anti-rape device.

Rapex - dubbed the 'rape trap' - is a product worn internally by women. The hollow inside is lined with rows of razor-sharp hooks, which are designed to latch on to a rapist's penis during penetration. They can only be removed by a doctor.

The product will be on the shelves of South African chemists and supermarkets later this month. South African mother-of-two Sonette Ehlers developed the original prototype in 2005 but has struggled to get it patented and approved for sale, not least because of staunch opposition from feminist groups.

"Vengeful, horrible, and disgusting," was the response from Charlene Smith, one of South Africa's leading anti-rape campaigners. Lisa Vetten, of the Centre of Violence and


A device that barbs onto rapists’ penises is causing outcry, says elaine hake


Reconciliation in Johannesburg, says: "This is like going back to the days when women were forced to wear chastity belts. It is a terrifying thought that women are being made to adapt to rape."

Some also fear that the sudden infliction of pain on the rapist could incite him to even greater violence.

Ehlers, however, is adamant that desperate times call for desperate measures. South Africa has the world's highest rate of sexual assault: a staggering 1.7m women are raped each year. She believes the product, priced at one Rand, will be particularly useful for poorer black women who walk long distances to and from work.

With state intervention frustratingly slow, Ehlers argues this ugly version of empowerment is justified. "I don't hate men," she says. "I have not got revenge in mind. All I am doing is giving women their power back."
FIRST POSTED APRIL 4, 2007

Seriously, look at the barbs in this thing.



To learn more about the Rapex condom, go to their site at http://www.rapestop.net/

I'm basically going to keep putting up stuff until you guys buy something.

Yes, I'm still selling stuff to try and make enough money for a Wii for my daughter's Christmas present. Don't you guys want to help make that dream come true? Can't you just picture her precious 10-year-old face when she see a brand, spanking new Wii sitting there for her? It's the stuff of a Hallmark Channel movie. Come on, have a heart. Anyway, if the abject pleading is getting no where with you, just look at how cool this stuff is. Seriously, everyone is going to be sooooooo envious of your good fashion sense.





Just click on the CafePress link to the right or just click here. Really, how can you afford not to?

Grrrrrrr.

I am trying to do photo editing without Photoshop and it's driving me crazy. I downloaded a couple of free apps off the internet, but none of them are as easy as Photoshop and it's driving me NUTS. Mainly, the other apps don't seem to have an easy to use masking feature like Photoshop. Is it possible to buy Photoshop for home use? I should look into it, because God knows I don't need the $600 version, but there has got to be an easier way.

Ho hum

I just woke up from a nap, a benadryl-induced nap. So now I feel kind of sluggish. Just looked at my sales report and I'm still at a whopping one sale. What do pepole want? I don't know what people want. I could make designs in my own blood. Someone is bound to buy a damn shirt then. But I'm not bitter. I've been thinking a lot about Christmas this year and I really don't know why. I've never been quite this frantic about getting gifts before. Maybe it's because I know I am so unmotivated to go shopping anymore that I'm just dreading having to go buy stuff. Christmas used to be fun, but I feel like it hasn't been for a long, long time. It's always nice to watch my daughter's joy at Christmastime, but I'd like to be able to get into the swing of things, mysef.

Buy stuff from me. I'm not joking with you.

OK, I've had one sale so for on my nifty new cagepress store (Puffy K Emporium). And while that one sale shows the incredible good taste of my cousin, I think it's a sad state of affairs overall. So since I understand how taxing clicking on the button to the right can be, I'm going to put up a few samples of the AWESOME shirts you can get at the site. I did mention I'm trying to earn money to buy my daughter a Wii for Christmas, right? Anyway, I've got human shirts and dog shirts on the site so far.






See? Awesome, right? Anyway, I'm adding new designs everyday so tell your friends and family. Send the link to anyone you know. And to make it easy for you, here's the link. http://www.cafepress.com/koreancelt

Go buy something. I'm not joking. I'm serious. Serious as a myocardial infarction.

The return of the prodigal snake, or how some things are lost and some things are found

You remember how my daughter's first snake (technically second) snake escaped the day after her birthday and I had to go get her another one? Well, the new snake escaped Friday night. My daughter went to get Naboo out of its tank on Saturday morning to hold it, and it was gone. There gets to be a point where you have to stop and wonder after three escaped snakes, is the universe trying to tell you something. Anyway, my husband took apart the tank trying to figure out how in the hell the snake managed to escape this time and all he could find was this thin sliver of space on the lid. It's the only explanation because it was completely beyond reason to think that snake could escape. My daughter said I probably wasn't willing to get another snake at this point and I told her that was between her and her father to decide. I asked if she even wanted another snake and she said she didn't know because she didn't want to get her heart broken again. So my husband put all the tank stuff in the basement and we went to church for Saturday mass, pretty much realizing that was the last we were going to see of Naboo. So you can imagine our surprise when we got home and I found Naboo sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor next to the pen where we keep Mookie when we go out. I almost couldn't believe what I saw, so I quickly picked up the snake, which was feeling pretty cold and told my daughter that Naboo had returned. She was pretty excited and my husband had to quickly set up the tank, but it was an overall good night. My daughter then spent about 15 minutes taping off any possible escape route on the tank. We'll see if it works.

As for loss, my husband just called and it is official: all of his files from the computer are gone. We tried to do a data retrieval, but his stuff is just all gone. Eleven days worth of music is gone. It's true that everything in the world balances itself out.

Buy stuff from me

OK, I'm trying to make some extra cash for Christmas, so I opened one of these CafePress stores. You can click the link to the right where it says, "Buy Unique Gifts," or whatever it says over there. So far, I've only got t-shirts and I'll be adding more designs as time goes on. Well, adding more words and phrases because I don't think you can call what I've got on the t-shirts so far designs, Anyway, check them out and show a sister some love, won't ya?