I confess

I am totally addicted to this desert sort of thing I've been eating since I started doing the weight watchers. I take sugar free/fat free jello pudding, mix in All Bran bran buds and top it with Cool Whip free. It is freaking awesome. I don't really know how many points it is, but I know it's not much because the cool whip is zero points, the pudding is a couple points, I think, and the cereal is one or two points, something like that. It's so good, plus it's got plenty of fiber, which is always good. Another yummy breakfast I've been doing is the McCann's instant oatmeal with fat free Smart Start margarine and some splenda brown sugar mix. That's only like two or three points a serving and it's really filling. I ate not so great over the weekend because we had a bbq and I had to give some advice over sangria to one of my castmates about this dickwad guy in her life who's making her miserable. And, of course, with the sangria, I had to eat the chips and salsa. Salsa is not a problem, but the chips are. So, it's back to the plan. I don't really know if I've lost much weight because I don't weigh myself because I know I'll be depressed by whatever the number says, but I do feel less bogged down and bloated, so that's good.

Help me

There are at least two wasps or hornets flying around my office right now and I'm scared. Really, really scared. OK, maybe only really scared, but I know one of those S.O.B.s is going to come dive-bomb me any second. One is buzzing the florescent lighting above my head and the sound is making me want to scream. I called building maintenance and asked them to send up someone with bug spray, but they still haven't shown up. Typical. What's really weirding me out is the fact that if there are two, there's probably a nest or something in here. (uncontrolled sobbing) Someone please come and help me. NOW! OMG. One just flew right in front of my face. Where's the bug spray guy? Where's the bug spray guy? I feel like I'm in some kind of horror movie.

SOS (same old shit)

These play rehearsals just get more interesting every time I show up. Last night we were all sitting around during a break, just talking about random crap, when the director says, "My worst nightmare was being trapped on an elevator with four kor...mumble, mumble."

And I asked, "Trapped with four what?"

"Four Koreans, the smell of garlic was terrible. They eat a lot of garlic, you know."

And I said, "Oh, I know. I'm half Korean."

Then everyone just sat in uncomfortable silence for awhile before the director came over to where I was sitting and tried to have a nonchalant sort of conversation about his experience with Koreans. In my mind, I'm thinking, just stop talking. You're not making things better at this point. Anyway, so I sat there and listened to his talk while he tried to explain that he didn't think it was the people that smelled, but just the garlic that they ate. Whatever. At moments like this, you can only really laugh about it because people are fucking stupid.

There are better things I could be doing.

I had to get my picture taken tonight for the play. They put up the cast's photos in the lobby so people can see what you really look like. The best part of the entire thing is that it didn't take long. I really don't like having my picture taken because I never feel like I can look natural in them. I always feel self-conscious about smiling, mainly because my teeth are crooked. I really don't like my teeth at all and once I'm done fixing my daughter's teeth, I'm getting mine straightened out. But that's going to be awhile. Anyway, I didn't like any of the photos the guy took, but what are you going to do? I usually try to do a stupid face in photos because at least that way I'm looking stupid on purpose instead of just looking stupid in my natural state.

They seriously taste like grapes.

So I picked up a pack of grapples yesterday at the supermarket, and they actually taste like grapes. It's amazing. I don't know what kind of voodoo genetic research those apple farmers are doing, but I approve. I highly recommend you pick some up for yourself. If you're unfamiliar with the grapple, it's fruit that looks like an apple and tastes like a grape. They're really nice and sweet.

Homey don't play that.

So I had my first rehearsal last night with the new play. As it turns out, all my lines are in French, which is fine since there really aren't that many lines to begin with. I think I'm going to get a friend of mine to hook me up with one of the French instructors in the language department so I can record them speaking the lines so I get the pronunciation down correctly. Other than that, everyone seems OK, except for this one chick who rubbed me the wrong way. Durning a break, the other cast memebers were asking her about an interview she had and it was obvious it was an interview with a university or college somewhere, so I asked which school it was. It was someplace I've never heard of before. And then I asked what she teaches, and she responds in a really snotty way, "Theatre, isn't it obvious?" And I said, "Um, yeah, no, sorry." And then the other people sort of laughed uncomfortably and this one guy said she was joking, so I threw my script on the floor and pretended to storm out and said, "Fine. I'm outta here." Then the director said, "Oh no, we've lost another Louise." Anyway, after I was done messing around, I came back to sit in my seat and this girl said, "Yeah, I can be a diva." And I told her, "Sweetheart, you haven't seen diva yet. You've only just met me." Anyway, we'll see if my first impression of her holds up. For all I know, she could be the sweetest person in the world, but I'm not going to be holding my breath or anything.

That was short.

Well, it seems I'll be back on stage sooner than I thought. I've just accepted the role of the french maid in the civic theatre's upcoming production of Private Lives. One of my castmates from Zombies asked if I knew French and I said I knew some since I'd studied it for four years. I said I'd really only be interested if it were a small role that didn't require a lot of rehearsal time on my part, so the director called me and I said I'd do it. The person they originally cast apparently bailed, so they needed someone tout de suite. Anyway, I'm excited about it. It should be fun and not nearly as hectic as the last show, which is good for now.

Can I just say that I am pissed?

So my insurance won't pay for the recent round of HPV vaccinations I started for my daughter. Apparently, since it's not a state-mandated vaccination, they won't cough up the dough. I find this infuriating, especially since they will pay for viagra. Helping prevent cervical cancer in girls is apparently not as important as helping old men get their willies up. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised. Nothing is more tragic than some old geezer not being able to get his freak on. Not even a woman dying of a form of cancer that is nearly preventable now.

My stomach hurts

I don't know what's going on, but my stomach hurts and I feel like I'm going to puke. My head feels dizzy, too. I was sitting here, innocently drinking my coffee when I just didn't feel well at all. I don't know if I'm actually going to puke, but I'm going to prepare for a mad dash to the bathroom just in case. Mother's Day was pretty good. My husband and I went to watch a play at the civic theatre and he bought me stuff at Sephora, which is always nice. The play was good; although, a couple of the actors didn't quite live up to the script. It was better than I expected, though, because the paper had given it a really bad review. The kids are off, so it's basically the start of summer here on campus, which means I get to sit in my office all by myself and stare out the window. Good times, good times.

There's a spider crawling on my wall, but I'm too lazy to get up and kill it.

Bear with me

My dog has diarrhea and I stepped in shit twice this morning, but that still doesn't compare to the animal problem my sister had yesterday. Take a look a these pictures.







In case you were wondering, that is bear shit on the back seat. I'm not completely sure about what happened, but it looks like a bear climbed into my brother-in-law's truck and demolished it before game wardens and deputies and everyone else in the state of Montana were able to get it out.

Super freaky

Watch this.

OMG

I just found out that Thai iced coffee is seven points. Damn, I just had some at the Thai restaurant where I had lunch. And here I thought I was being good by ordering the mixed vegetables with steamed tofu, not even the fried tofu, but the steamed tofu. Why? Why must the lure of sweet iced coffee be so tempting? I can never say no. It's so delicious and refreshing. Oh well, looks like I'll be sucking on ice cubes for the rest of the day. I don't care, it was worth it.

I am not looking forward to going home today.

Apparently, after I left the house this morning and while my husband was taking a shower, our dog pooped in her litter box but then stepped in it and then took a leisurely stroll around the house. My husband told me he saw poopy little pawprints all over the place. He said he cleaned as much as he could see, but he had to get to work. Anyway, when I get home, I get to go around and see if there's anything else to clean up. I'm not looking forward to that. Meanwhile, we found out it will cost $3300 to fix my car. It needs a new timing belt and a general overhaul which we've been putting off for some time. It's '97 Accord stationwagon. My husband asked if we should just get another car, but we'd have to get a used car and I don't want to get something just to settle because it's going to take a lot of fix this one up. Once this one is retooled, it should still last a good five years at least. My brother thinks I'm fooling myself and that it'll probably only last another three years, but it's at the dealership. Why would they tell me it could still last a good amount of time when they could just try and steer me toward buying a car? Anyway, I don't want to buy a new car until I can get exactly what I want. There's no point in spending money on something I don't really want.

I suck.

Every Friday night, some of the people from the play go to this place called Frank's to sing karaoke and hang out. I'd really like to go this evening just to see everyone and say hi and sing a song or two, but I have a hard time getting myself together to step out the door at 9:00 or 10:00 on a Friday evening. Now, I know this is normal heading-out-on-the town time for people, but I'm at an age now where I wonder why does it have to be so late. If I'm already out at 9:00, there's really no problem, but not leaving until 9:00 is a completely different story because I've usually fallen asleep on the couch by then. I asked one of my grad students if she wanted to go with me, but maybe we could get there a little earlier than 9:00 and eat dinner or something and just wait for other people to show up. She'll call me to see if she can do that. But, it's hard to admit that I don't have the same spark and spunk that I used to.

FIRE!

K, so we totally just had a fire drill in the building and pretty much no one paid attention to it. I didn't get up right away, myself, until I got a whiff of what smelled like an electrical fire. So I turned off everything and headed out. I saw some firemen looking in a trash can on the floor beneath mine, but I didn't see any fire. I don't know if there was a fire. It probably wasn't even worth the effort of coming back up to the office since I leave in six minutes anyway.

Withdrawal

It's been a week since the show closed and I'm actually experiencing withdrawal. Seriously, I find myself longing for the next play. I miss my castmates. They're all such wonderful people. I hadn't realized what I had kept buried for so long by not performing, and now it's out again and I want more. But, I'll have to bide my time until Fall because I just can't fit more than two shows a year into my schedule.

Oh, the other day my daughter and I were watching this Swan marathon on Fox Reality channel and we were completely hooked. I'd never seen that show, but it was amazing the changes those women went through in three months. The thing I found interesting about the women is that most of them suffered primarily from mental problems rather than physical problems. Granted, some of them had really shitty upbringings, but they all seemed to have pretty OK lives. I wonder how many of them would have wanted the drastic plastic surgeries they had if they had had intensive counseling beforehand. They had therapy in conjunction with the physical changes, but I wonder if they would have wanted as much if they'd learned to love themselves first.