December 31, 2009

Rude Awakening

So I'm at the gym today on my elliptical pumping away, feeling energized, strong and (I'm not too ashamed to admit) a little smug. I'm 40, pushing hard and feeling good. Anyway, as I'm up there doing my thang, I look in the mirror at the front of the room and notice the faces of the women around me and it dawns on me they're all old. At least, I think they're all old because they look old to me because they're all haggard and worn out looking. So at first I'm thinking, "What the hell, am I in the old lady section? Am I on the whimpy machines?" Because I was feeling pretty good about myself. I didn't want to think I had to use the geriatric ellipticals to get a work-out. But then I look at the faces again and I realize they're all my contemporaries. They're all women who are probably in their 40's, just like me and it's kind of a sobering experience because, you know, I originally thought they were all old. So all of a sudden I'm feeling a little like the air's been let out of me because it's sort of the first time I've really felt like some kind of middle-aged person. I am Cougar. I am powerful. I don't want to be some worn out looking middle-aged wife and mother who gets excited when she finds a new recipe for meatloaf. Then I notice we're all watching the television that has Kathy Lee Gifford on it and we're all kind of into it, and off in the distance I hear the faint pounding of nails being driven into a coffin. Sad. Seriously, what the hell happened to my life?

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