July 23, 2009

Coming down

Due to some problems with blood pressure I've been experiencing lately, my doctor is weaning me off my anti-depressant medication. I currently take Cymbalta and my doctor wants to see if it's contributing to the high measurements I've been getting. I've been on Cymbalta about a year and a half, I'd guess, and I was on Celexa about five years or so before that. So, if you do the math, I've been taking meds for depression and anxiety between six and seven years. Before going on medication, I suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life. I only finally started taking drugs when I realized my inability to control my moods might have an adverse effect on my daughter. Children can't understand that a parent yelling at them might not have anything in the world to actually do with them. I know what that's like on the receiving end, and I wasn't going to put her through a similar experience. At any rate, I'm a few days into the weaning process and I'm finding it an interesting experience. I find myself inexplicably confused at moments and then perfectly lucid. I've been experiencing some tingling in my hands and some brief moments of nausea. In fact, right at this moment I am finding it difficult to concentrate on what I'm writing. I can't even remember what prompted me to start typing this post.

I don't feel particularly bad about going off the meds because I've started thinking it might be good to detox anyway. How long should a person really be on drugs? I know it's about chemical imbalances in the brain and I don't feel embarrassed about taking medication, but sometimes I think it would be nice to function at a more organic level. Maybe I'm just curious to see if I'd be able to deal with my depression better now. I'm a little worried I might start having increased appetite because I think medication did control hunger to some extent. I guess I felt I just needed to document somewhere what's happening to me in case I seem really, really off to people for a little while.

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