October 31, 2006
Get lost, kid. Halloween doesn't live here anymore.
My husband tells me he is not giving out candy tonight, and I beleive him because I haven't bought any candy and neither has he. He swore after last Halloween that his candy-giving days were over because all the kids where "little shits." I feel kind of guilty about it because our daughter is going out collecting, so it only seems fair that we should give. This morning I asked him if there really were no good kids last year. He said about 25% were good, but the rest were obnoxious as hell. So, he'll go around with me and our daughter and just enjoy her enjoyment of Halloween. I just hope when we get back home our house isn't Tee-Peed. That would suck majorly. Here's my daughter in her Pricess Leia costume. She's rocking it old school.
October 30, 2006
October 26, 2006
Halloween costumes gone horribly wrong
When I was a kid, most commercially available costumes were like this one: You got a plastic mask and some kind of polyester jumpsuit thing that tied up in the back. I remember the box lid always had a cellophane window so you could see what the mask looked like. I don't know when they stopped making these things, but I don't miss them. You couldn't keep the mask on for very long because you'd basically suffocate, either that or you'd end up drowning from your breath condensing on the inside of the mask. And the eyeholes never matched up with your eyes, so you always had to tilt your head in weird directions to see where you were going. Yeah, they pretty much sucked. Anyway for a look at more horrible costumes, click here.
October 23, 2006
Interesting Stuff
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
AND FINALLY
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
And, yes, I tried licking my elbow and couldn't.
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
AND FINALLY
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
And, yes, I tried licking my elbow and couldn't.
October 19, 2006
I've been a bad mommy.
My husband mentioned last night that I've been neglecting my blog and I told him I've been busy, which I have been. Christopher from "everything is not real" has quit his blog, too. I don't know what's happening, but my world is being plunged into chaos. I feel so alone and cold. Anyway, I've been busy making my daughter's Halloween costume. She broke down and decided she didn't want to in the cheaply made rag we ordered through the internet, so I'm now sewing a Princess Leia costume. It's almost done. I've also been helping plan my church's Pumpkin Ball and planning my daughter's birthday party and I don't know what else. I told you I've been busy. It's not like I have anything particularly interesting to talk about. Oh, I've been doing a colon cleanse, but even that hasn't been as exciting as I thought it would be. I don't think I've actually gotten rid of 37 years of poop or anything, which is kind of disappointing based on some of the pictures I've seen of what other colon cleaners have experienced. My husband says it's all a lie, anyway, that we have years of shit coating our intestines and that it's all made up by people trying to sell colonics. Mind you, I am taking vitamins and things, I am not having the super enemas. I still maintain that the anus is an exit and not an entrance for anything.
October 12, 2006
October 06, 2006
What's going on here?
Why is everyone bailing? Daily Dancer is retiring. Dan of Dantallion's Can[n]on is retiring. Again I ask, what's going on here? Pretty soon everyone will retire their blogs and I'll be left alone to wander the blogosphere without hope. Sniff, sniff. In memory of two fine bloggers who have chosen to ride off into the sunset, I will remain silent today and not sing karaoke because the song has momentarily left my heart. Okay, really I forgot to make a new recording, but I'd be quiet today, regardless. Really. I'm not lying.
October 04, 2006
Howdy, howdy, howdy
Somehow, I'm not quite sure, I've become the co-leader for my daughter's Browine Troop. Today is the first meeting. I like to call myself the assistant because that implies I'm not really responsible for anything, but my daughter insists I am a co-leader. I'm gonna work it like an assistant, though. The troop needed another adult on-hand at meetings or it wouldn't be allowed to do anything, so being the sucker that I am, I volunteered. I'm going to need to take pain medication afterward, though. Some of those girls need to be on an IV ritalin feed 24/7 in my book. But I'm sure it will be wildly rewarding as serving others always is. Yeah, I'm not buying it either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
