Exciting News.

My brother finally proposed to his girlfriend over the weekend. Yesterday, to be exact. Yesterday evening, to be even more exact. I knew it was coming because he told me his plan, but it's still exciting now that he's asked and she's accepted. So soon I'll have a new sister-in-law. But first, I will be taking her out for "the talk" when we get back home. The talk I am speaking about is not a sex talk or anything because, ewww, why would I want to talk to someone about sex with my brother? No, this will be the talk about how to function as an American in a Korean, or at least partly, Korean family. More importantly, what it means to be a daughter-in-law with a Korean mother-in-law. Sons are very, very special to Korean mothers and my mother's son happens to also be the baby of the family. A lot of baggage with that one. I'm not criticizing or anything, my brother's girlfriend will just have to be able to handle certain things in a way that she probably hasn't expected. I don't want to say Korean mothers-in-law are pushy or bossy or intrusive or anything like that because that seems harsh (even if it's a little true), but they definitely expect a certain level of respect and a certain level of being listened to. In the old days, daughters-in-law usually became a sort of slave to their mothers-in-law. I'm not saying that's good or anything, in fact, I think it sucks, but this is the tradition that we're operating with--that the husband's mother will have supreme say. My mother grew up in a culture where this was the expectation in the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. My mother doesn't really expect to exert this much control over my brother and his girlfriend after they get married, but you know, there's a cultural identity that's buried deep beneath the surface of each of us that can never be erased no matter where we end up as adults and how we're expected to act by society at large. So, I'll have to take my future sister-in-law out to lunch and basically explain to her that she can't take any of it personally and she's just going to have to let most of it roll off her back. But let me reiterate, it's not because my mother will be a monster to her, but I think she'll expect to be able to say what she wants without too much dissent. I know, I know, doesn't sound fair that my brother's girlfriend has to be the one to bend. But in the end, it will make life soooooooooooo much easier. Really, trust me on this one.