Merry Christmas

I'm out for a while, so Merry Christmas.

Band concert

I think the only way you can experience the joy of my daughter's band concert last night is to watch a little clip for yourself. It's truly a thing of beauty.

And before you all go thinking I'm just a hard-hearted bitch, I actually thought these kids did an incredible job considering that they have only been playing their instruments since October. This is the beginning band and everything is brand new for them.

Kids singing makes me laugh.

Last night was my daughter's annual school Christmas concert and it provided its normal level of unintentional hilarity. Kids, for the most part, just can't sing well. It all sounds fine when a bunch of them sing together, but when you've only got one or two, it's not usually pleasant. It's funny listening to them straining to hit high notes or struggling just to stay on key. I don't know why it's funny, it just is. My daughter happened to be an instrumentalist for one of the songs--she played the triangle, and she was rocking it. The only thing that really detracted from her performance was that her slip was hanging out from under her dress, but I'm probably the only who really noticed since I'm her mother. The other thing I really love about the Christmas concert is the "choreography." You know, the hand movements they do along with the songs. Anyway, their music teacher is really fond of hand-raising. Ever single song had some kind of hand raising in it. This year she got kind of daring and had the kids do modified waves (like the kind you see spectators do at sporting events) across the stage. It was spectacular, as I'm sure you can imagine. Tonight is my daughter's band concert. She's in beginning band, so I'm sure this will just add another element of holiday fun I will come to cherish. I'm taking earplugs.

Questions and answers

My friend Ed posted these questions on his blog, so I'm copying them because I want to. He invited people to post their own answers, and I'll do the same. Obviously, the answers here are mine.

What is your favorite word?

I don't know that I have a favorite word. However, I do like aigoo, which is a Korean expression of general aggravation or frustration. Like if someone does something really stupid, you'd say aigoo with as much disdain as possible. Oh, and I like schmegma a lot, too, because it's exactly what it sounds like. Most people don't realize that schmegma is the actual, clinical word for dick cheese.

What is your least favorite word?

Puce. It just sounds gross. You almost have to half puke to say it.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Hmm. I'm going to say it's probably the small moments in life. I spend a lot of time looking at the sky, at the ground, and just around in general when I'm walking because that's when you notice things like squirrels chasing each other, or a glove that someone dropped in the snow, or a bird's nest in a tree you can only see when the leaves have fallen off. That's where you find the larger meaning of things, I think.

What turns you off?

Stupidity and poor moral character.

What is your favorite curse word?

Filthy bastard. It's just fun and it makes me smile.

What sound or noise do you love?

I like listening to my daughter laugh.

What sound or noise do you hate?

I hate listening to my daughter whine.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

An actress. It's what I always wanted to be and if I could count on getting paid for doing it, I'd still do it. Alas, acting is such an uneven profession, you can't count on anything. Or I'd like to have a job where I work with my hands.

What profession would you not like to do?

The person who has to empty port-o-potties, or dig up burst septic tanks.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

I don't know that he'd have to say anything. I'd just be happy I got to heaven because it's questionable right now where I'll end up.