I have nothing to say today.

I have nothing to say today, but I already told you that. There's some interesting family drama going on right now. As I've mentioned, my brother got engaged over the holidays and I really think my mom is freaking out. He's the baby and the only boy, so in some ways, this is really the last chick leaving the nest. Because of this, my mom is really looking for reasons to be disappointed in my brother's choice. She's got to look for reasons because there are no glaringly obvious reasons to think my brother's fiancee is unacceptable. And deep down, I think my mother realizes this. She knows deep down that his fiancee is a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and that she's exactly the kind of girl my brother needs to keep him in line. Anyway, she complained to me that "this American girl" doesn't know she's not supposed to call me by my first name. In Korean culture, you would never address your elders by their first name. Everyone refers to everyone else in regards to their relationship to that person. If you are younger, you call people by a certain name. If you are older, you call people by a certain name. If you are only acquaintances and older, you call people by a certain name. If you are family and younger and are from the father's side of the family, you call people by a certain name. You get what I'm talking about here, right? But what you almost never do is actually call a person by their name. Now, in American culture, it is perfectly fine to call people, whether they're older or younger or family or not, by their first name. So, my mother is upset that my brother's fiancee calls her by her first name. I told my mother she cannot be upset about this because my brother's fiancee cannot possibly know any of this unless my brother tells her. I explained she's not being insulting in American culture and why would my mom expect her to know that it's any different in Korean culture. I told my mother if she's going to be upset with anyone (which she shouldn't be anyway), my brother should bear most of the responsibility in this situation. But like I said, I think most of this is fueled by a sadness in my mother that her baby is starting his own family.

So I told my brother all of this yesterday and now he's sad because he thinks if he tries to tell his fiancee about these things that it's all just going to alienate her from the family. I don't necessarily agree with this. In some ways, I don't think my brother is giving his fiancee enough credit for being the rational person she is and realize that she can probably process this information in a thoughtful manner. I told him he has to at least let her know this sort of stuff is happening so she can understand the situation better. I'm sure it's all really none of my business in the long run, but I am tired of always being caught in the middle of stuff. My mom freaked out a bit when I got married, too. We ended up having a fight the night before my wedding and my father laughed at us and said he knew it was coming and then my mom got mad at him for laughing at us and trying make it seem like we were trivial. It's the nature of weddings, I think. Everyone loses their mind. However, I am concerned in a general way that my brother seems to think he cannot share everything with his fiancee because as far as I'm concerned that is one of the most important elements of having a successful marriage. In this case, success being defined as continuing to stay married while still respecting and loving your spouse and not wanting to punch them in the face everytime you look at them. (Although, I must confess that there will always be occasional times when you feel like you can't keep yourself from punching your spouse in the face beacause, dammit, what rational person looks at the crumbs they've left on the counter and just leaves them there?) You cannot keep secrets from each other. You have got to be as forthcoming with the information as possible. If you don't, that indicates at some level to me that you are not completely comfortable with yourself when you are with this person and you are not confident enough in that person's acceptance of you.