The show is over.

Here's the cast photo from A Flea in Her Ear, which I just finished. I'm the maid...again. I don't know why I keep ending up as the maid. At any rate, it was a really fun show with lots of door slamming and sexual innuendo. Just the way I like it. The cast was a great bunch of people, except for one person who found the need to try and direct everyone. My general thought is if you want to direct, then volunteer to direct a show; otherwise, keep your half-wit pie hole shut tight as a seal's anus. However, even that didn't keep most of the people from enjoying themselves. Next time I'm in a play, I will contrive to kill the maid.

I need my fix. I'm hurting here.

K, so I just finished watching the season three finale for Supernatural, which is the latest show I've discovered on the Internet and have become addicted to watching. See, I don't have a schedule that allows me to watch network television like normal people, and if it weren't for the internet, I wouldn't be able to watch anything other than the kids programming that's usually showing on our boob tube. Anyway, I'll find a show and watch it all the way through until I'm caught up to the current episode. So I spend several days or weeks watching a show and then all of a sudden it's over and then I have to start waiting a week like everyone else. What's funny about watching shows this way is that you get so used to watching these characters, you start feeling like they're people you really know because you end up seeing them practically everyday. Then when there's nothing left to watch, there's just this void. This is where I am with Supernatural. It's the same way I ended up feeling when I watched all of Dexter and Psych, too. Seriously, I think this is what withdrawal must be like because I feel sad, like I've lost something. Of course, I could always go back and rewatch episodes, but it's just not the way I do things. And since it's summer, I've got to wait until the fall to start up with any of these shows. All I can say is, "Aaaarrgh!!!!"

It's good to know these things.

This is a picture of the new dog food I bought for my pooch. I mainly bought it for the name: Hunk of Beef. How can you pass up a can of dog food that proclaims itself to be Hunk of Beef? The only way they could have made it better would have been to name it Hunk o' Beef. At any rate, my dog sucked this stuff down like it was crack cocaine, as I imagined she would. So, I started reading the label to see if it really was hunk of beef in the can and I noticed this interesting bit of information.



Here, let me blow it up for you in case you're missing it.



You see it circled in red there? This dog food is kosher, which is really, really good to know because I would not want my dog offending God with the food she eats. Now, as far as I can see, there are only two logical reasons for this dog food to be kosher, either it really does matter what one's dog eats at Passover or the company is telling Jewish people they can serve up this fine cuisine for Seder. Neither explanation sits very well with me. However, I did also notice that up in the high left-hand corner the label says the food is not intended for human consumption, so I guess it's all about having holy dog, which is God spelled backward. I smell conspiracy.

Loves it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dang, I wish I came up with that prank. More secrets here.

What kind of GD sickness is at work here?

http://medicaladoptions.com/index.php

Apparently, this is an organization that arranges adoptions for people who need organs. I don't know about you, but this is all kinds of warped and twisted to me. These children are being bartered like sacks of grain if you ask me. I only hope this website is a joke. A sick, disgusting joke, but a joke is better than thinking people actually do this.

Podcast #24

I must say goodbye to another one of my beautiful girls. Life is so cruel, but not nearly as cruel as the the dirt we dish.


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My Chinese Horoscope from Facebook

"Don't try to repress your sexual fantasies; you'll need them to sustain and intensify your libido."


Excellent. I'm ordering the nipple clamps right now.

The best Mother's Day gift of all.

This is the card my daughter gave me this morning. As you can see, my daughter really, really understands my needs. It's moments like this that make me feel like I'm doing my job right.

It's true. I am brutal.

Your Score: Capitalist Pig

You are 71% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 28% Arrogant.

You are the Capitalist Pig! This means that you are less emotional than most, focusing more on logic. You are also more selfish, greedy, and care very little for the well-being of others, hence you probably hold capitalistic political views. This also means that you are particularly swinish, willing to grouse in any amount of shit for your own gain, and obese with greed. You are also an extrovert, like most of the people in the hallmark capitalistic country of America. Despite these traits, you are surprisingly not very arrogant, tending to view yourself as equal to others, just like the principle of Democracy in America. Which seems strange given that you are so mean and brutal to others at times. But despite your intentions to see others as equal, and to not be an arrogant twat, it must always be remembered that while all animals are created equal, some are more equal than others--the pigs being more equal. So while you may not be full of yourself, you certainly don't treat others with the respect they deserve. So like any farmyard pig, you are greedy, noisy, and don't care about others. The only difference between you and a pig is that you are more rational and intelligent. In conclusion, your personality defect is that you are a bit too logical, rather unemotional, way too extroverted, and also very brutal in regards to others. You may even be a bit insecure about yourself, little piggy. But at least you're not a platypus. It must suck to be a platypus, you know? All those identity issues.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Take a bite out of crime.

I watched a really interesting movie last night called Teeth. It's a comic horror movie about a teenage girl who finds she is in possession of vagina dentata, or vaginal teeth. The movie was really well done, in my opinion, and the acting was wonderful. Now, before watching this movie I'd never heard of vagina dentata, but it turns out to be a fairly common myth that appears in many cultures. Most people seem to attribute the origins of this myth to a male fear of intercourse and female sexuality. It would appear, reading these explanations, that men harbor some kind of real, deep-seeded dread that anytime they have sex with a woman, they're going to pull back a bloody nub instead of a penis. I, of course, find this all hysterical--probably because I'm an evil bitch at my very core. At any rate, the movie basically uses the myth to explore the heroine's burgeoning (and poorly understood) sexuality. She is a virgin who leads a local group of young people who pledge abstinence until marriage. However, her sacred vow is put to the test when she meets a new boy in town who fills her feelings she just doesn't understand. Unfortunately, during a romantic swim at a local watering hole, the boy becomes overwhelmed with his own lust and rapes her. This is when, to her horror (and especially the boy's) the heroine learns of her extra set of choppers. Let me just say part of what makes this film really funny is its commitment to showing all the gory details. I think you get what I mean. Traumatized by what has happened, the heroine attempts to come to grips with and comprehend her unique anatomy; however, not before other unscrupulous men (including a less-than-professional gynecologist) learn her secret the hard way. Go watch this film. It's good. It's hysterical. It's heartbreaking, but not for the reasons you might think. I give it two thumbs up.

Evolution of Dance

I don't know who this guy is, but he's freaking funny as hell.

Happy Anniversary to me.

I just realized that his month marks the five-year anniversary of this blog. That's amazing to me because it sure as hell doesn't seem like I've been posting to this thing for five years. I'm going to say the main reason for that is due to the fact that my life seems exactly the same as it did five years ago. Damn, I've gotta shake things up. I'm going to Vegas. Blogger should give me some kind of prize like a gold watch, or a free computer, or a million dollars or something. Yo, Blogger!!! Give me something!

Are you lying?

Interesting article on a study where researchers studied emotional reaction on a person's face.

Lying? Your face will give you away: study

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Liars might think they are good at covering up their deceit but a new Canadian study shows there's one thing they can't control that will give them away -- flashes of emotion in their faces.


Researchers at Dalhousie University's Forensic Psychology Lab in Halifax conducted the first detailed study on the secrets revealed when people put on a false face or inhibit various emotions, and found their faces told the truth.

But instead of clues like shifty eyes or sweaty brows, their expression would crack briefly, allowing displays of true emotions such as happiness, sadness, disgust and fear to come through.

"Unlike body language, you can't monitor or completely control what's going on your face," Stephen Porter, who worked on the research, said in a statement.

The researchers, who reported their findings in journal Psychological Science, examined the case of Canadian Michael White who sobbed as he made a public appeal for the return of his missing pregnant wife Liana White in July 2005.

But three days later, flashes of anger broke through his sadness and he said he was so frustrated with the police that he was going to find his wife himself, leading volunteer searchers directly to her body in a ditch on the outskirts of Edmonton.

He was charged and convicted of second-degree murder.

When Porter and his team analyzed White's plea frame by frame, they found hints of anger and disgust in his face, not noticed by most of the public.

The researchers also studied adult who were asked to view images that ranged from happy (puppies playing) to fearful (a close-up of open-mouthed rabid dog) and disgusting (a severed hand).

They were told to respond with genuine or deceptive expressions and their reactions recorded.

Porter said no one was able to falsify emotions perfectly. Some emotions were harder to fake than others. Happiness was easier to fake than disgust or fear.

Personally, I'm the perfect liar because I always think what I say is true. Really.

What is this chick doing to herself?

Let this picture serve as a cautionary tale to those of you interested in "trying" drugs. Do you really want to look like this? It is such a shame that someone as talented as Amy Winehouse is basically pissing away her life on this shit. Seriously, look at her. It's just a damn, dirty shame.

Go watch this movie.

I think Ben Stein should win an Oscar just for making this film because he addresses the very important issue of freedom of speech in academia, which more and more means freedom to speak as long as it agrees with the liberal bias found on most American college campuses these days. His movie specifically addresses the hostile environment awaiting any academic or researcher interested in exploring intelligent design, but it could really be addressing almost any arena within an academic environment. Here's the link to the movie site.

http://www.expelledthemovie.com/playground.php

Now, I have no problem with people wanting to promote Darwinism or evolution, but I am dismayed that those who believe in creationism or intelligent design are branded ignorant and superstitious. For myself, I believe evolution is creationism, meaning I believe God created life and that evolution represents how that life has adapted to existence on this planet. But that one group should actively attempt to extinguish another contrary group within an "open marketplace of ideas" is disgusting to me. I have no desire to eliminate any person with views different than mine, and I would expect the same respect. Anyway, go watch this movie.

I'm outie.

My daughter and I are hitting the road for DC tomorrow. She's on Spring Break, so we're going to visit the rents. My husband is staying home because he doesn't have enough vacation to go now and do the two weeks we're planning this summer. We're also taking the dog, which should be interesting only because we'll have to leave her in the car by herself when we stop. The little mutt has a very unpleasant habit of evacuating some part of her body when left in the car alone, so I pray we don't find any surprises after returning from our potty breaks. You know what I wonder? I wonder if Dave Matthews is some kind of male nympho because I realized today that, like, ALL of his songs are about sex, have sex in them, or fantasize of upcoming sex. I'm not a prude or anything, but it's nice to have a larger repertoire to draw from. Know what I'm saying? I love Dave Matthews, so I'd like to see him stretch a little. My brother started working for Microsoft a few days ago, so I told him when he meets Bill Gates to have him pass a message on to Dave for me, telling him we should hang out or something. You know, because I think Dave Matthews lives in Seattle now and they're probably neighbors.

Happy April Fool's Day

Here are some prank videos to keep you entertained today, because if you don't laugh at least once today, you're pretty much a loser.

I don't doubt it.

This story was posted on the TimesOnline.

Sleeping apart; the key to a happy marriage

Simon Crompton

A Californian woman divorced her husband last month because he played computer games at night and slept during the day; another faced jail after stabbing and beating her husband because of his snoring. Both examples are tragic-comic glimpses into a serious but rarely discussed minefield for couples: sleep incompatibility.

Research by the Sleep Council has found that half of us are regularly woken about six times a night by our partners, particularly if they snore or fidget. Dr Chris Alford, a sleep psychologist from the University of the West of England, says that “sleep conflicts” often will result in relationship conflicts. The problem is so great that more people seem to be taking to single beds. The Sleep Council says that one in four of us regularly retreats to a spare room or sofa for a refreshing night's sleep, and the National Association of Home Builders predicts that by 2015 more than 60 per cent of custom-built houses will have dual master bedrooms.

This is the right approach, say an increasing number of psychologists and sleep experts. In a 24/7 world where sleep is increasingly precious, single beds may represent the future.

Snoring is the most obvious source of bedtime tensions. About a quarter of us - 15million people - are snorers, according to the British Snoring and Sleep Apnoea Association, and may be depriving their partners of two hours sleep a night. Then there's wrestling for the duvet, kicking during dreams and restless leg syndrome, a condition that becomes increasingly common as we grow older.

Outside the bed, different sleep cycles can be just as disruptive, as Mr and Mrs Millard demonstrate (see right). Every one of us has a different body clock with some of us preferring the early hours (known by sleep experts as larks) and some late nights (owls).

A small study of sleeping partners by the University of Wisconsin concluded that the greatest sleep-induced tensions occurred when one partner was a lark, the other an owl. The amount of time available for them to communicate and enjoy each other's company may be compromised as a result - unless one tries to change his or her natural inclinations.

What can couples do? Only so much - at least if you're a heterosexual couple. Sleep conflicts seem to be bound up with fundamental biological and behavioural differences between the sexes. For example, when Professor Jim Horne, the director of the Loughborough University Sleep Research Centre, attached movement monitors to men and women sleepers, he found that men moved much more than women and were far more likely to disturb women than the other way round. This was confirmed recently in a study, reported in the journal Sleep and Biological Rhythms, that found that women benefited far more from sleeping alone than men. They seemed to sleep more easily through disturbance.

Curves and bad vibrations

Sammy Margo, the author of The Good Sleep Guide, published next week, points to other fundamental differences. “Hormonal fluctuations because of the menstrual cycle can disrupt sleep. And women with curves have different mattress needs from men.” A man's extra weight can mean, for instance, that any movement is likely to rebound through a double mattress, while their partner is unlikely to produce such reverberations.

Male assertiveness also seems to play a part. Research from Surrey University has found that women tend to let their partners snore, while men are more likely to give an admonitory prod.

Whichever way you look at it, women come off worse, especially if you take into account that they are more likely to wake up in response to children crying. However, Margo believes that couples shouldn't despair. Her new book aims to provide practical solutions for people with sleep problems.

Her tips for a successful night's sleep are partly based on helping both partners to sleep better through changes to diet and daytime habits, but also on trying to synchronise waking and sleeping patterns. But she says that any couple with severe sleep conflicts should consider separate beds, although this is something people don't like talking about. “When couples first start sleeping together, they are willing to sacrifice comfort to be close to their partner. After a while, when emotional closeness is assured, many just want to have a good night's sleep again. This isn't selfish, distant or unromantic; it's just practical,” she says.

Professor Horne agrees that if you're having sleep problems, separate mattresses are worth considering, and adds that he is encountering more and more couples with separate beds.

Sharing a bed is a "curious British norm"

Rob Meadow, a sociologist from Surrey University who has studied the relationship between sleep and gender, points out that a shared bed is a curiously British norm. “It's very interesting why couples feel the need to go to bed at the same time and in the same place,” he says. “It's societally defined. One couple told me they'd tried sleeping in separate rooms two days a week to catch up on sleep. When their teenage children came back from university they were convinced their parents were about to divorce.”

All the advice from relationship experts is that sleeping separately can be the sign of a strongly bonded couple communicating their needs. But if you're worried that it might impair your love life, take some advice from Queen Victoria. Like most affluent Victorians, she had a separate bedroom from her husband. But any night she wished Prince Albert to enter her room, she left a bowl of oranges outside her door. They apparently appeared nearly every night.

I definitely know my husband and I end up bothering each other at night. He snores very loudly and I sometimes have to wear earplugs if I want to get any sleep. Conversely, I sometimes like to read in bed, but he says he can't sleep if the light is on. I don't have a problem falling asleep with the light on, so if he wants to read, there's no problem for him. And either one of us will periodically go sleep on the couch to get some sleep. What are people supposed to do?

OMG

Every now and again something so brilliant and awe-inspiring comes along that it simply MUST be shared with the world. This is one of those things. Damn, I wish I could get Bulgarian Idol.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

via videosift.com
Have a great day, and don't drink and drive. Have a drink for me, though, because I'm home with a sick kid today.