Podcast #4

Here's episode four of Conversations with Korean Celt. I didn't post episode three last week because I don't want to make it too easy for you.

I don't get it.

I rented The Aristocrats over the weekend, mainly because I wanted to know what the joke was all about. I have to say it wasn't all that funny. I'm going to spoil it for you by telling you the joke, so if you don't want to know what it is, stop reading. Anyway, the basic joke is a guy walks into a talent agency and tells the agent that he's got an act that's going to blow off the agent's socks. So the agent asks, "What's your act." The guy then goes on to explain (and this is the part of the joke that depends entirely on how the joke-teller wants to embellish it) that the act consists of the man and his family going onstage, disrobing, shitting and pissing themselves all over the stage, sliding around in the mess, screwing each other, and whatever other depraved activity one can think of. The agent asks, "What do you call it?" and the man answers, "We call it The Aristocrats."

Everyone in the movie acknowledges that the joke itself is not funny, but that the fun is all in how the comedian tells the joke. I'm a great fan of questionable humor and I have to say the only time I laughed during the course of this movie was when Drew Carey said he always likes to deliver the punchline with a fancy flourish of the arms. For some reason, that was funny to me, but all the various gross-out things weren't funny to me. Probably because even the gross stuff didn't seem that particularly extreme to me, which is kind of a sad commentary when you think about it. Nothing is shocking anymore. Not even the idea of a family going onstage, pissing and shitting themselves while blowing mountain goats. What a shame. What a damn, sad shame.

Furry-Palmed Karaoke

When I was a kid in the '80s I liked Cyndi Lauper well enough, but she wasn't my favorite or anything. Why am I singing Cyndi Lauper today, then? Because I'm really starting to run out of songs from my karaoke microphone to sing for you and will soon be forced to buy a new song chip. However, I always did like this song because it's about masturbation. I think that's all I really need to say about that. Here is She Bop.

See what happens when you bad-mouth people?

I'm not saying my complaining yesterday had anything to do with it, but guess what was in my inbox this morning? Pictures of the new puppy and her parents, so here they are.






The first two pictures are Mookie, the third is mommy dog and the fourth is daddy dog. Isn't Mookie cute? Now my daughter will have a picture to tie her over until we get the dog. I bought a manicure set for a dollar this morning because I had to get some cash back to give to my daughter, who is going on a field trip today. Want to know what kind of manicure set you get for a buck? A crappy one, that's what. I'm just going to keep it in my desk at work for those hangnail emergencies that are always difficult to predict.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a name.

And it's Mookie. That's the name my daughter has decided she will bestow upon her new puppy. It's an Ewok name I found off the Internet. I read a list of Ewok names off for her and Mookie was the winner. It's a cute name. Here's something that's kind of annoying me, though. When I first e-mailed the breeder expressing our interest in purchasing one of her dogs, she responded right away. She sent me directions, answered all my questions, etc. So, when we went out to her place on Saturday, she told us she could e-mail pictures to us as the weeks went by. We all thought that was pretty cool and readily accepted her offer to do so. I sent her a message on Monday asking for a picture because my daughter is about to bust out of her skin from excitement about this entire puppy business, and I still haven't gotten a response from the breeder. What do you think that's all about? My husband said her initial quick response was due to the fact that we represented money and now that we've given her a check, there's not as much urgency on her part. He's most likely right because I know all people care about in the end is money, but she seemed so sincere when she first said she'd send pictures. I'm kind of disappointed. But what are you going to do.

You might have noticed that I put up the second episode of my podcast yesterday. I'd like to announce that Conversastions with Korean Celt is now accessible through iTunes. Just go to http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=120105697&s=143441 and you'll be able to subscribe and everything. Which I know you want to do so badly you can taste it. Today podcasting, tomorrow the world. Mwaa, ha, ha.

Oh, my watch battery stopped today. That sucks.

Next podcast episode

Two months. How can I wait two months?

That's what my daughter has been asking about every ten seconds since Saturday. Why, do you ask? We put down a deposit on a puppy this past Saturday, but can't bring the puppy home for another ten weeks. That's why she keeps bemoaning the two months she must wait before she can start loving and playing with her new pet. We didn't go with the brussels griffon, in the end, but chose a shiffon which is a mix between an griffon and shih tzu. Here are a couple of pictures to give you an idea of what they look like.




We bought a dog collar yesterday in anticipation and my daughter has it safely tucked away in a special treasure box. Kids kill me.

Now I'm going to tell you about my momentary contact lens tragedy of yesterday. Somehow, while I was putting in my contacts yesterday morning before chuch, I failed to notice that my right lens didn't actually make it onto my eye. I put my left lens in when I noticed my right eye wasn't clear, so I tried adjusting my contact to make sure it was properly positioned on my eye. Imagine my surprise when I felt just my eyeball and no contact. That in and of itself wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't been simultaneously running the faucet at the time I tried to adjust my contact. I immediately realized I'd just probably washed my right contact lens down the drain. I got down on my hands and knee (because I still can't kneel on my injured knee) and couldn't find a thing. So, I was bummed. I was bummed because I was going to have to make an appointment to see the eye doctor and get new lenses and go through that entire hassle. However, thankfully, this morning when I woke up I remembered that I had an extra right contact lens in my medicine cabinet because it was left over from when I was testing fit on my contacts. So, I am now able to see sans glasses again. I am happy, and all is right with the world again.

Karaoke, Balboa style.

When I was a kid, Slyvester Stallone and the Rocky franchise were pretty hot. I'm not really a Rocky fan, but I sure did like watching Dolph Lundgren in his boxing shorts. I used to like saying, "I will break you," in a Russian accent. I still like to say, "I will break you," in a Russian accent because it's just fun. However, I actually think today's karaoke song comes from the Rocky movie with Mr. T. as the villian. It's hard to remember at this point. Here's a little trivia for you, though. Did you know that the song you're about to hear won an Oscar for best song? Incredible, isn't it. Anyway, here I am fighting and singing strong to Eye of the Tiger. Enjoy.

I've been beat.

After much begging and pleading, I have finally relented and agreed to let my daughter get a dog. However, before canine purchase takes place, I've insisted that she get rid of the rest of the pets in the house because I just can't deal with that many animals. So we'll be looking for good homes for the rabbit, chinchilla and hamster. We've decided to keep Fred and George, the parakeets, because they're pretty low maintenance and they're fun to watch. Once we've gotten the other animals into new homes, we'll start the search for the perfect pooch.

I want a small, non-shedding dog. I think I'd like us to get a brussels griffon because they fit the bill on both and are so darned cute it makes you want to puke. Just take a look at this face. Ooochie, cootchie, boobsie, ittle, witty cutie.



How could you not love a face like that. Some very preliminary Googles searches have located one breeder near our town, so I'll be checking it out to see what it's all about. I just hope I don't live to regret my acquiescence. Please, Lord, don't let me regret it.

First podcast.

I know you've been waiting for it, and the wait is now over. Here is my first podcast of Conversations with Kathleen.

One down, one to go.

Knocked out the EEG, only have the MRI left to go. This week, anyway. The EEG wasn't bad. I actually dozed off a little and the tech didn't detect anything unusual while she was monitoring the fierce electric currents coming off my brain. All I hope about the MRI is that they put me in a tube where my head gets to stick out because I don't know how I'll do shoved all the way into a potato chip can. Guess we'll find out.

I think my daugther has a crush on her taekwondo instructor. He's this 18- or 19-year-old kid, and he's really good with the kids in class. A couple of days ago she asked me if I thought he had a girlfriend and I said I have no idea but it's quite possible.

"But do you think he does?" she asked again.

"I really don't know, honey." I answered. "It's quite possible. He and Miss Mitchell (one of the other instructors) might be boyfriend and girlfriend for all I know."

"But do you think he's on the path to young love?" she inquired. (She really did ask that because that is how she talks. No lie.)

"Honey, I really don't know. Why are you asking, anyway?"

She responded by just sort of shrugging her shoulders. "Just curious."

And that was that. Last night, as we were driving to taekwondo, she asked if I thought her instructor's last name was weird. I said, "No, his last name is Irish."
Then she said her first name and his last name together and said, "Hmmmm, Irishy."

Although it's been some time, as I recall little girls only match up their first name with a boy's last name when they've got a crush. Maybe I'm wrong in this case. Who knows. But I will definitely be monitoring the situation. After all, ten years is a pretty big age difference.

Nothing like advance warning.

I have my EEG today to try and determine why I have been fainting or nearly fainting after twisting my ankle. I don't really know what to expect, so I just looked on the Internet to get an idea of what they are going to be doing to me. As I'm reading, I notice a list of things you're supposed to do in preparation for the exam. My doctor's office didn't tell me to do any of these things, so now I'm worried the test won't come out right. The preparation list states:

You will need to wash your hair the night before the test. Do not use any oils, sprays, or conditioner on your hair before this test.

--I washed my hair this morning. I didn't condition it because I was running late, but I did put on hair spray.

Your health care provider may want you to discontinue some medications before the test. Do not change or stop medications without first consulting your health care provider.

--They didn't tell me to not take any medications this morning.

You should avoid all foods containing caffeine for 8 hours before the test.

--I had my normal cup of coffee this morning

Sometimes it is necessary to sleep during the test, so you may be asked to reduce your sleep time the night before.

--They didn't tell me to deprive myself of sleep.

So what's going to happen now? People have to be more on the ball about stuff. I'm not going to reschedule because it's already a pain in the butt to diverge from the normal course of my day. I just won't say anything when I go in for the test. It'll be our little secret.

What to write about, what to write about?

I am finding I have nothing to say today. My husband and daugther have MLK day off and I don't, so that sucks major donkey balls. Other than that, I have nothing else to say. My knee is feeling a little better, but I still can't straighten it or move very quickly. I went to my first hockey game over the weekend. It was Notre Dame vs. Miami of Ohio. Notre Dame lost. Knowing nothing about hockey and can at least say that the Notre Dame team doesn't pass very well. Everytime one of the guys shot a puck to a team member, they missed. Well, probably not everytime, but it was pretty damn close to everytime. My friend and I made fun of this bitch who came up to us and said we were in her seat and she has season tickets so she should know. Oooooh, season tickets for a crappy hockey team. Oooooh, aren't you special? Ooooh. They weren't even her season tickets because my friend works in the athletic department and she knew that the seats the lady was using belong to another person in the athletic department, which means the bitch got the tickets from someone else. They were good seats, though. We were right behind a goal and everytime a puck hit the widow, I screamed. I mean, it makes a really loud noise when it hits and everytime it did, I was looking in some other direction so it always startled me.

Random Interjection

My knee is fucking killing me.

Karaoke Down Under

Back in the day before the Police was my favorite group, I much fancied Men at Work. I still like them a lot, but they were just no competition for Sting et al. in my mind. I had a massive crush on Colin Hay. All I'll say is that I was 13, and he seemed quirky and fun to me. I like quirky and fun, so sue me. Actually, he's not looking too bad, these days.



However, I will admit he's a little fruity looking here. Note to Colin: ix-nay on the uke and orange prison shirt.



So here I am (at my daugther's request) paying tribute to the band that was almost my favorite band by singing Land Down Under for your listening pleasure.

As a side note, I find it kind of funny that my daughter likes this song so much. I don't know why I find it funny considering that I like it a whole heck of a lot, too.

Continuing saga of the knee

Well, I went to my regular doctor yesterday so she could take a look at my knee and she thinks it's possible I may have torn some cartiledge. I'll be having an MRI next week to discover the true extent of damage. Hopefully, I haven't torn cartiledge. Hopefully, my knee can get back to good shape with just physical therapy. She also gave me crutches so I don't have to use the immobilizer anymore, which is good because I can already feel my knee getting stiff and using crutches makes it easier to sit down and things like that. I can, in fact, put weight on my leg now and I'm primarily using the crutch just in case. I think my dependence at this point is more psychological than anything else because I am really afraid of my knee giving out if I step down. However, the suckiness of this entire situation is still pretty sucky. I've never injured my knee before and I never imagined doing so could be such a pain in the posterior, in addition to the knee. I told my doctor that the good side note of all of this is that I never felt like I was going to pass out when I injured the knee, so that should indicate something good. She gave me a high-five when I told her that. I also have an EEG next week to try and pinpoint this fainting/near-fainting problem I seem to be experiencing. Having to go in for these tests is really screwing up my schedule, though. I don't know why taking care of these things can't be a little more convenient.

In fact, I'm apparently the world's biggest wuss.

Taekwondo class number two last night. Blown knee number one last night. I don't know what's going on with these injuries and all from taekwondo, but it's starting to piss me off. I never knew a bad landing could cause so much pain. Here is my poor gimpy leg.



They call this contraption the "Immobilizer." It sounds like the title for an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Anyway, I'm mad about the entire thing because I can't take class or jog until my knee heals. In the end, the doctor at the after hours walk-in diagnosed it as a sprain, but I've got to go to my normal doctor for follow-up. They took an x-ray last night and didn't see a break or anything, which is good. I've never injured my knee before, so this is all new to me.

When I landed from a number two jump kick, it felt like my knee joint popped out of the socket. It hurt like a mofo. I was lying on the mat and my husband and daughter came running over and I told everyone to finish the class. All I could was just lie there until the pain went away. Basically, this sucks.

I'm not the ass-kicker I thought I was

My husband and I had our first taekwondo lesson this past Saturday. My husband did surprisingly well. He finished the entire lesson. I, on the other hand, nearly passed out. I really almost passed out. We were doing a jumping exercised when my left ankle (which is the one I sprained last year) buckled and I fell. I got up and went back to the drill when I began to feel very light-headed. I sat down and realized I was on the verge of passing out because I started seeing starbursts, my hearing went out in my left ear and all the lights seemed really bright. The only reason I didn't pass out was because I sat down and put my head down before I had the chance. Anyway, I find it odd that I should nearly pass out after a similar sort of fall from the last time I passed out. I told my aunt about it and she said I should get checked for peripheral artery disease. I don't know what that is, but it seems obvious that if there's some sort of connection between me twisting my ankle and fainting, it started with the initial sprain. I'll call my doctor and find out if it's something I should be aware of. After I sat down for awhile and got my wits back, I finished out the class. I'm going to wear an ankle brace from now on. We have our next class tonight, so let's hope I can stay conscious for this one.

The odds of karaoke

So here we are back with another installment of Karaoke Friday, Friday, Friday. When I was in seventh or eighth grade, today's song was very, very popular. My sister sang it once as a solo for a choir concert. She did a good job as I remember, so now it's my turn to sing this song for one and all. I present me singing Against All Odds.

On a different note, my daugter has her first guitar lesson today. I think she's nervous. I'm basically forcing her to take the lessons because I don't think she's had enough of doing stuff for no other reason than because she just has to do it. She complained last night about how cruel I am and how I just don't understand her and all the rest of it. After she fell asleep I went down and told my husband I don't know what to with her. I hadn't figured on these kind of arguments until she was at least 13. I hate to admit it, but I think growing up really makes us forget how miserable we thought life was when we were kids. As much as we swore to ourselves we would never treat our kids the way our parents treated us, it all comes around to the same place. Life's funny.

And because it's Friday and the new year and all, I've got a very special two-fer treat for all of you today. As you may or may not recall, my Christmas gift to you a couple of weeks ago was my brilliant rendition of O Holy Night with Tracy Chapman, my home girl. Anyway, I've just come across a version of O Holy Night that is simply sublime. I've got nothing, I repeat NOTHING, on this guy, whoever he is. And I just want to share the love with all of you because you're beautiful and I would be nowhere without your love and support. So, please, enjoy this very special Christmas moment.

Snake on the run

My daughter's baby cornsnake escaped from his cage over the Christmas break. In fact, I discovered he was missing on Christmas Eve when my daughter asked me to get him out of the tank so she could hold him. Imagine my surprise when little Corny was nowhere to be found. What followed was a disappointing, half-hour search by everyone in the house. Everyone walked around with flashlights trying to see if we could find Corny. I knew was a lost cause, though. That snake is little and could be anywhere. I think he has to be dead by now because he was due for a feeding and he has no access to water. I can't imagine the little bugger has managed to survive. Needless to say, my daugther was very, very upset for about an hour. She cried and said Corny was her favorite pet and how would she go on without him. She asked for a new snake as soon as she stopped crying. I said no. Actually, I said, "Uh, yeah, no." And then I laughed derisively.

Call me Trinity

Over the holiday break, my husband and I basically paid up for our daugther to able to take taekwondo lessons for the rest of her natural life. Seriously, she can walk into any ATA location for the rest of her life and take lessons without having to pay. As a result, my husband and I also get taekwondo lessons for a year. We're supposed to start this month. If my uniform is in when I take my daugther to her lesson tonight, then I'm going to start today. I was a little peeved because the class right after my husband and I plunked down the money for our daugther's lifetime membership, they asked me if I wanted to pay up for all of my daugther's graduation fees. I said no. Actually, I said, "Uh, yeah, no." And then I laughed derisively. I said after having paid so much money, I was happy to pay the graduation fees as they came up from belt to belt. Anyway, I plan on taking full advantage of my year's lessons and these instructors better make me look like I jumped right out of The Matrix by this time next year. I'm not fooling. I better be able to kick some serious ass. But only in self-defense, of course. I'm not talking about anything retaliatory because that's not the taekwondo way.

Oh hey, check it. I discovered that I can use my new-fangled digital camera as a video recorder. Is that cool, or what? Yeah, it's totally cool. Here's my first guinea pig, my daughter.

Shy Girl

Happy New Year.

So real life comes crashing back with the force of a sledgehammer to the head. I really didn't want to wake up today, but I guess you can escape reality for only so long. Hope everyone had a good holiday break. I've got some things to do right now, so I'll be back in a little while to fill you in on what I've been up to for the last week and a half.

OK, I'm back. The most exciting thing to happen over break is that I got a digital camera from my mother and father for Christmas. Here I am showing my gratitude to them.



Actually, I'm bowing to them as a sign of respect. It's something my Korean family does every New Year's. All the kids bow to their parents and aunts and uncles, wish them a happy new year and get a wad of cash in return. I don't get money because I'm too old and I'm married and have my own family, but all the little kids get some greenback. My daughter made out pretty well this year. She made $170.

Anyway, back to the digital camera. So I've been taking lots of pictures with it and I'm pretty excited about it. My husband wants to use it to start posting things for sale on ebay. I'm still in the process of learning how to use it, but you'll probably start seeing more pictures up on the old blog from here on out. I'm going to try and master the candid shot so I can embarrass all my friends and family.